A Bitch's Free Honest Review and Friendship(Re-Opened)

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#182

Welp… I tried doing a review tonight. But I’m so flipping tired with going around all day. I will definitely review tomorrow. I promise. Yep.


#183

Hi. I had submitted my book, dragon Rider In the Modern World for a critique, but I didn’t see it on the list. What happened?


#184

I’m gonna do it :smiley: You were so nice about The factory Girl and I want to repay the favour


#185

Hey, I started commenting on your story 'Queen (A Werewolf Story), but now I’m wondering what kind of feedback you want? I don’t want to come off nitpicky if I correct sentence structure when you only want opinions on characters or how your story makes me feel etc?


#186

hi! I’ve been accepted as well I believe, but I don’t see myself in the queue?


#187

Please check the very first post on top. There should be an updated list of people in the queue. Valerie is number 3 and Amery is number 10 :slight_smile:


#188

Uhm, I actually don’t know. Is it okay if it’s both?


#189

Of course!


#190

Okay then, I would like both please! :slight_smile:


#191

Thank you :heart:


#192

You’re welcome!


#193

Ok thanks


#194

OKAY. I AM SO SORRY FOR BEING INACTIVE FOR A WEEK. I HAVE JUST BEEN SO BUSY WITH MY PAPERS FOR WORK. REVIEW COMING UP SOON. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE. :kissing_heart:


#195

DISCLAIMER: Please do keep in mind that these are my opinions and please don’t take it to heart. You may take my suggestions or you don’t and that’s fine. I only aim to help you improve your book and reach success. Because with writers like us, with no paid editors, we only have each other.

FINAL REVIEW FOR @MGCJoan’s LEOPARD: THE UNFORGIVING
Stopped at Chapter 1

I’ll start with the cover. It’s very well-made and captures the attention of potential readers. I loved the sort of painted effect on the cover itself. It’s very visually pleasing. Now I’m sorry about this but you have to change your blurb. It gives too much away and basically just replicated your first chapter in a more active form than anything, already giving away the antagonist and the conflict. It might not make potential new readers curious enough to actually read the book. There were also a lot of punctuation errors; the use of a comma and such.

Now for the story, the premise of the story itself is very cool. A new type of hero with new sets of abilities. She’s not a mary sue, which I really appreciate. I also appreciate the fact that a lot of people didn’t like the superhero, a great contrast to most superheroes stories today. There were a lot of run-ons sentences, punctuation errors, spelling erros and (for what I recently learned) dialogue tags. So I suggest to edit and proofread a lot before updating. Don’t be like me. As a famous person once said, do as I say and not as I do.

SCORE: 3.5/5


#196

DISCLAIMER: Please do keep in mind that these are my opinions and please don’t take it to heart. You may take my suggestions or you don’t and that’s fine. I only aim to help you improve your book and reach success. Because with writers like us, with no paid editors, we only have each other.

FINAL REVIEW FOR @eclipsetales’ FAERIE | PERCY WEASLEY
Stopped at Chapter 3

I’ll start with the cover. It’s really cute but it’s not eye-catchy enough for a book that’s in the same world as harry potter. I suggest changing your covers and there are plenty of free cover threads on Wattpad. All you have to do is ask :slight_smile: Now for the blurb… Let me be straight with you but I think you need to change your blurb. It’s too long and it gives away too much of the story.

I will put your synopsis here for comparison purposes:
In which the strict and moody Percy Weasley finds himself irritated with the clumsy, airheaded, yet sweet Hufflepuff girl, Merrianne Charman.

However, he doesn’t know clumsy Merry has a secret that would blow his head: She’s a fairy.

Well, half a fairy, considering her father is a squib. But she has the wings and fairy dust to fit into the category just fine.

Every once in a while she would leave the school grounds to stretch her wings and stroll around the Forbidden Forest, taking joy and pride to the fact that none of the perfects know about her breaking the rules.

None of them but Percy.

He knows she sneaks out at night, he has seen her skipping down the halls after curfew, but every time he attempts to follow her, she just seems to disappear around the corridor.

No matter how many times he tries to sneak up on her or how fast he runs after her, he just can’t seem to catch up.

Merrianne knows this, and so does Percy: no matter how book smart he is, he could never outsmart the suspicious girl that everyone finds innocent.
:
“Where were you last night, Charman?” Percy looked down at the smiling blonde accusingly.

“Why, in my room, Mr. Perfect Percy, sir.”

“Wha-- Don’t lie to me. I saw you leave your common room wearing that pink nightgown.”

“Percy.” Merrianne snorted. “Earlier you were muttering about a giant, glittery butterfly in the forbidden forest and now you’re telling me you saw me out of my common room wearing a pink nightgown?”

Percy’s smart expression faltered.

“You have some wild imagination.”

And he flushed red.

I would revise it as this:
In which the strict and moody Percy Weasley finds himself irritated with the clumsy, airheaded, yet sweet Hufflepuff girl, Merrianne Charman. Every once in a while she would leave the school grounds to do what? No one knows… None except for Prefect Percy. He would soon find that he could never outsmart the suspicious girl that everyone finds innocent.
:
:
:
“Where were you last night, Charman?” Percy looked down at the smiling blonde accusingly.

“Why, in my room, Mr. Perfect Percy, sir.”

“Wha-- Don’t lie to me. I saw you leave your common room wearing that pink nightgown.”

“Percy.” Merrianne snorted. “Earlier you were muttering about a giant, glittery butterfly in the forbidden forest and now you’re telling me you saw me out of my common room wearing a pink nightgown?”

Percy’s smart expression faltered.

“You have some wild imagination.”

And he flushed red.

The blurbs are meant to make potential readers curious as to what your stories are about. If you show too much, they won’t be surprised if you reveal it in your story.

Now on to the story, I sincerely liked it. I absolutely love the fact that you made during the time Harry was just a first year. It showed the perspective of someone outside the drama with Voldemort. Too bad Percy is a git. Some issues, though, was how it flowed. In the first chapter, there was one point where Dumbledore showed up without telling the readers how he got there and the time skip from she was 8 to 11 years ago. It’s better to expand on that. Other than that, it’s great! I already am looking forward to reading the finished product. As you all know I don’t read anything incomplete, but I will make sure to binge read, vote and comment when it’s done. Added to my own I Am Waiting Bitches Reading list. <3

SCORE: 4/5


#197

I’M ON A ROLL HERE, GUYS. ONTO THE NEXT.


#198

DISCLAIMER: Please do keep in mind that these are my opinions and please don’t take it to heart. You may take my suggestions or you don’t and that’s fine. I only aim to help you improve your book and reach success. Because with writers like us, with no paid editors, we only have each other.
:
:
FINAL REVIEW FOR @bubblenikki’s WHEN I SLEEP… I DREAM OF MARS
Stopped at Chapter 3

I’ll start with the cover. After reading the first three chapters, I really feel like your cover could be better. It didn’t really match the mood of the story, based on what I’ve read so far. There’s a lot of threads for free covers here and they’re all brilliant cover makers.
Now for the blurb, it captures the reader’s attention and it’s pretty solid so I don’t have anything to change there. Good job!

Onto the story, it has a nice premise and can actually happen in real life, which is really scary to think about. I like your character’s interaction with each other and I liked the fact that your MC wasn’t hysterical and was calm in dealing with the situation she’s in. But I feel like the chapters were rushed? Like everything was happening too quickly. It kind of minimizes the fear and anxiety your MC must’ve been feeling for waking up in a stranger’s house. So you should explain it a little better so the readers can know what she’s feeling. Some grammatical errors as well; run on sentences, dialogue tags, and improper use of punctuation marks, but I feel like you’d fix that with a little bit of proofreading. Overall, great story!

SCORE: 3.8/5


#199

Shoutout to @Beautifully-mixed for always liking. I feel like everyone has forgotten this thread T_T


#200

You are welcome I stalk a lot of threads


#201

YAS. Feel free to stalk mine. I’ve been the past 6 replies on this thread and I feel just a little bit pathetic.