A Bitch's Free Honest Review and Friendship(Re-Opened)

writing
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critiques

#81

As a writer myself, I agree with that statement but as a reader, I kind of hate us. zzz xD


#82

Same xD


#83

Well, assholes like us need to follow each other. xD


#84

Right in a f*** time with my new part! Perfect. Plus act 2 part 2 is 70% complete(it’s short). I’m (im)patiently wating to be crushed with critique


#85

Alright alright jeeez. I’m on it!


#86

Title: The bad boy, the baby and me
Synopsis: What happens when you throw in two immature teenagers and a mysterious baby together? You get the recipe for disaster. And, what happens when you add crazy best friends, cocky bad boys, gangsters, murderers, clueless adults and mean girls to the mix? Congratulations! You have everything to blow up a shit storm.

Millie is so busy leading a simple life and Ashton is so busy basking in his bad boy glory, that they are totally thrown off the balance when they have to constantly battle each other to preserve their sanity. Add to the equation, a mysterious baby who comes with way too many secrets and life threats. Millie and Ashton have no other choice than to look after the baby, while they try to unravel the mystery surrounding it.

Amidst everything, how are they supposed to win the battle of hearts?

Follow Millie and Ashton on a rollercoaster ride consisting of love, friendship, baby, threats, mean girls, bad boys, suspicious parents and diapers!!

link: um…sorry i’m kinda new to using wattpad on desktop. i don’t know where to find the link. this is my profile, though : @crystally_rain
i would prefer, you pm the critique.


#87

noted! :100:


#88

In a meantime. What story do you wish me to read and left some feedback(if I can manage to suggest somethnig usefull)? You got two of them…


#89

Queen would be nice :slight_smile:


#90

K. I’ll do my best


#91

I’m get around to leaving you some comments soon enough :smiley:


#92

Final Review of Fragmented Echoes by @NoLazyShadow
Read until Chapter 3

First of all, it was really hard for me to read it. It looked like one giant mess. It’s cohesive enough for me to understand and it has the right grammar but the use of the punctuation marks was just… hard to take in. Second of all, you need to cut up your paragraphs. It’s harder for people to read it if one paragraph if it’s way too long. Third, use your words to describe how he’s feeling. Don’t use things like: “argh”, “uh”, “jeez”,“rrr”, “ha-ha-ha”. Informal words like that takes the seriousness away from the story.

And I know what you’re going to say. It’s intentional for you to format your story that way. I understand that this is set maybe inside a game or a dystopian future. I’m not even saying you should re-write it. The story itself is brilliant and the way you described things is very vivid. I’m just saying that the obvious punctuation errors could take away their concentration on the story itself.

I suggest making it look a lot cleaner. With proper usage of sentence cuts and punctuation marks. Make it a little aesthetic to look at. Because sometimes readers just take one look at it and leaves if they think it’s a mess.

Overall: 3.8/5


#93

Well. I get what I ask. it’s a mess. But it’s my mess. I’m just newbe writer, who do what he can to make this look as good as possible. Yea, some paragrafs are long - I can’t just cut them into two without rewriting(and I tried)

About the seriousness and how some expressions “take it away”. Why not? It’s dark, twisted and serious, but I can’t just keep the same serious grey face 24/7.There is jokes and game references to make this easier to read without overloading your brain with “dark atmosphere”.

I just need to ask my editor to reedit first part and continue my work.
P.S. I suposte you are not intrested in reading act 2…what a shame


#94

Not expressions. Those informal words. Instead of saying argh or jeez, you could’ve just said he was frustrated. Instead of using ha-ha-ha, you could’ve just used; “He laughed, disbelief.” Instead of saying rrr, you could’ve just said growled. Using informal words like that would not make the readers take you as a writer seriously.

With the paragraphs, you can cut them. I can see where you can cut them and make it into another paragraph. I didn’t say anything about taking out the jokes and game references. I suggested making it look cleaner and easier to read for new readers that would stumble upon your story.

I’m not really into dark genres. My life is depressing as it is. Don’t need to add to that xD


#95

Sigh,I see what I can do. And thx…for reading…i guess


#96

I’m sorry if it offended you. Don’t take it to heart. These are just constructive criticisms. I’m not hating on you or anything like that. I only wish for you to improve. Thank you for sharing your story here.


#97

Na, it’s not offending or anythnig. Just makes me feel sad. But hey, there is progress in later chapters. Better dialouges at least…Well, gonna get back to reading your work.


#98

Title: Renegades
Synopsis:
An attack on Fable’s engineering outpost ends with her being captured, and while on a transport ship heading for god-knows-where she makes an unlikely ally in the renegade pirate, Blue.

Fable doesn’t think she can trust her new companion and makes plans to get off the ride as soon as the opportunity arises, but things change when they run into Warlok, Pandora and Lynn, three crewmembers of Icarus, a ship they claim was destroyed by aliens from past the dead part of space.

Destroyed by a weapon Fable designed.

Now, running her own ship with a tiny crew of runaways, Fable has to find a way to stop the threat before it swallows up everything they know.

Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/160001238-renegades

If it’s okay, I’d prefer comments on the chapter. Thanks


#99

I’m down if you’re in! If you have the time, I would love it if you could critique my novel. I don’t have a preference for where you leave the critique, this thread/pm/comments will all work. Thank you for your time! :black_heart:

Title: Beast within the Beauty

Summary: A Beauty and the Beast retelling in which a bride is annually sent to be sacrificed to the Beast’s castle only to be returned as a dead body within the first month of marriage. Our protagonist has no intention of being a faithful bride and instead wants to kill the Beast.

Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/168308142-beast-within-the-beauty-a-beauty-and-the-beast


#100

Accepted, but on wait list. :slight_smile: