I know how you feel, I personally went through a really traumatic experience that threw me in a down spiral. Worse it was caused by a friend. It caused me to have ptsd and desperation and severe anxiety were I would be so afraid to eat any hot foods. Yeah it was that bad.
I knew after it happened I was going through PTSD symptoms and I denied to myself even though it was clear. I’m not the sort of the person who’s shy or meek. And this made me so afraid and I became a really angry person months later. It took a year to admit to myself finally that there was something wrong.
I got help eventually and now I go to a threrapist and psychologist who prescribed me medicines for depression, high blood pressure and for my sleeping habits that were messed up. I was a complete mess. Now almost three years later I still go through ups and downs but it does get better.
Oh and I’m not gonna tell you that medicines are gonna magicially help you. But I will quote my psychologist. The medicine might not take the pain or what you’re feeling completely away but it’s a crutch. Something to at least help you stand up and help you fight half the battle. It’s okay to get help.
There’s gonna be good and bad times were you relapse, but it doesn’t mean you aren’t getting better. Hope you get the help and get better.