Abuse is NOT romance

discussion

#864

Say it louder for the people in the back!

The whole possessive trope is so disgusting, and it breaks my heart to think of the people who fall into the trap of it being “romantic.” I also hate when the submissive partner “changes” the possessive one–if someone is abusing you, you don’t change them. You run for the hills. Your health is not a bartering tool for someone else’s character.


#865

A movie about fairies and druids.


#866

but is abuse a turkey sandwich?


#867

WOW WHAT A PREACH


#868

Hello, I don’t know if anyone had already asked this or told the answer but what do you call it when someone stays with their abusive spouse, or is it just called stockholm syndrome?


#869

Manipulation, being afraid, denial…

All of the above? Not necessarily Stockholm Syndrome, but often the sufferers make up reasons why they deserve the abuse - they pissed off the abuser, so it wasn’t like they didn’t deserve it.

Or you get to such a low point where you don’t think anyone will ever love you but your abuser - often that’s what the abuser has been telling you for a good while too.

Or you think you can save the abuser. It didn’t start out like this, so maybe it’ll go back to being all good again. They just need to get over this bump and then the abuse will stop.

There can also be threats. Maybe the abuser has threatened to harm the abused, hurt their family, out something that could ruin their life… You name it.

So it can be several reasons at the same time. Also, the abuser can be so good at apologising the abused believes they’ll never do it again. And when they do, the abuser will just apologise all over again.


#870

All of this.


#871

I was actually waiting for someone to mention this. I can’t understand how girls go crazy when the guy gets possessive and all.


#872

It doesn’t start like that. In the beginning they’re the perfect partner. They take care of you, are so supportive and nice. And before you know it, you’re a year into the relationship and they hit you for the first time.

And you have no idea how it went from them telling they love you, to them hitting you.

It’s so small and it happens so gradually that you don’t even realise you’re being abused before you’re in too deep. And if you do realise, you kind of just… Suppress it. It was a one-off. You said something to upset them. They were in a bad mood that day. Nothing serious.

No one wants to be abused. No one wants to be the person who was abused. So it’s easier to just pretend it’s not happening, until you can’t pretend anymore.


#873

This topic is interesting but it’s a generalization.

If two or more adults are giving each other consent regarding the limits of the relation they are having, who are you to judge their relation and their behavior.

It is fine to have two people hurting each other for sport and entertainment.
But if two people are implying pain to each other for consensual sex, why should it be anyone problem?


#874

That’s not what they’re talking about though. ABUSE in non-consensual. ABUSE is when someone says stop and the other doesn’t stop. If consent has been given then there no real reason to call it “abuse”.

This has been deeply discussed in the thread, though I don’t know if you’ve read it! If you haven’t, I recommend you do :blush:


#875

@LightenTheShadows
Oh, you’re right. I haven’t read it all. My mistake of reading just here and there and making assumptions.
Forgive me :slight_smile:
Much love :heart::heart:


#876

No need to apologize! You didn’t say anything wrong.

If you want, you can read it. A lot of people state that, if there’s consent, it can’t reallt be called abuse because one party will stop as soon as the other party says to! :blush:


#877

Exactly! many times people consider BDSM as an abuse. And it makes people that are into BDSM feel weir and freaky.

XoXo


#878

It’s not abuse if it’s done properly. BDSM is a kink shared by two people that can be done safely to give them both pleasure that they consent to!

Like, it was earlier discussion that Fifty Shades did not represent BDSM properly. One person was saying it was subjective, but I was arguing that - in this case - nearly the entire community said it was a bad representation and that it was abuse.

Anastasia did not want to do the things Christian wanted to do, she cried after he beat her and he never checked in to see if she was alright, he slept with her while she was sleeping, and she said their safe word and yet he didn’t stop!

That’s not safe BDSM with two people that consent and enjoy it, that’s abuse!

I don’t know where you stand on that discussion - or even if you have an opinion on it - but it was one of the big points of the conversation recently :blush:


#879

@LightenTheShadows I agree with your view on when bdsm ends and where abuse is starting.

As for 50shades I consider is a very silly story written for unhappy housewives who are frustrated because they never dared to do what they would have liked to do in their lives.
The story is abusive and naive from BDSM perspective.
As the story itself is very silly. First of all rich and powerful people are working like crazy with no time at all to spare and usually they are old like George Soros or Bill Gates… haha… and not young and sexy :smile:


#880

Abuse in romance? Readers like it, obviously.


#881

I agree that it’s a bad story in general, but it’s misrepresentation of the BDSM community hurt the community, from what hat I hear, because people began to think that it was abuse instead of a consensual and safe kink!


#882

Sadly. That’s what this whole thread is about! The relationship in the “After” books completely disgusts me and I’m so sad things like it are still being praised and turned into movies and shown as sexy instead of toxic to young girls. :woman_shrugging:

sighs for all eternity


#883

I think the young girls are already totally toxic’d by the bad relationships they grow up seeing, which they learn to see as normal and hot, THEN go looking for books and movies as they get a little older to satisfy what they are already addicted to. The dysfunctional family is responsible - parents, relations, adults who practice abuse in relationships and pass it off to their kids as normal. NOT books and movies. Writers and movie makers are only giving an audience what they want, filling a demand. Young girls come to Wattpad looking for these books. They are already done for. Smart writers will write books that appeal to them but attempt to help them get out of it.