Abuse is NOT romance

discussion

#884

You know that not every family is dysfunctional right? Books and movies like that perpetuate the idea to even the people growing up surrounded by the healthiest of relationships are taught by the media that abuse and toxic relationships are the ideal.

Not everyone grows up in a dysfunctional family surrounded by toxic and abusive relationships, but everyone IS bombarded by media that romanticizes it.

I’m not saying that Wattpad books are responsible or that they aren’t looking for these kinds of books when they come here, but it is true that we’re bombarded by those relationships from a young age by the media we’re surrounded by.


#885

@Tiphette99 I must say that I know nothing about the movie / book After.
In generally I think that people are into drama because it makes them feel better about themselves as they are not going through drama as the character of the story.
Abusive relations in movies and books are appealing because it makes the reader / viewer appreciate more the relation they are having as they are having a partner that is not as bad as the one in the book / movie.
I think the #ME TOO campaign and lack of knowledge on BDSM is putting BDSM on the same level as abuse and rape. And that is way wrong.
People are into this kink are not abusive or crazy. They are just a bit different. And because of this mindset and fear that people will judge few are brave enough to say they are into BDSM. I know I would never do it in real life.

Personally for me BDSM is an important part of my private life, and because of this I can’t connect with people in real life. They would judge me and look down at me. It hurt. I know. I tried


#886

Not sure if you others mentioned gaslighting where you manipulate someone to the point they question their sanity. For example, X’s friends and family tell her that Y is a manipulative douche, but Y tells X that her friends are family don’t understand them and X believes Y though X’s friends and family are telling the truth.


#887

What actually happens in After? Like, give me a plot synopsis.


#888

Good point - I had forgotten about that one.


#889

That’s emotional abuse, is it not…?


#890

Physical and emotional abuse often goes hand in in hand.


#891

It’s also psychological torture. Kinda there with the brainwashing.


#892

Oh, of course! Usually. I was just asking becaus is believed that manipulation had to do with emotional abuse, but I wasn’t sure if it was the right term for it!


#893

Oohh, yes. It’s the right term :slight_smile:


#894

Wow. Manipulation is considered psychological TORTURE?? Could you explain that a bit for me please! I’m kind of interested that emotional abuse can also be considered psychological torture :blush:

(Also I want to study behavioural neuroscience, so I’m not just sick and find it interesting because I’m sick :joy:)


#895

Ok, thanks! Sorry if how I stated it was Abby confusing :blush:


#896

Absolutely no bother.

Btw, the torture part comes into it as you can start to second guess your own sanity to a point where you think your mind is making up stuff. Did the abuser actually hit you? Or did you just imagine that? Are you actually going insane?

“Girl on the Train” (the film) does a pretty good job of portraying how gaslighting can hurt a person and make them believe a complete lie.


#897

Okay, thanks. I guess I just never really heard of it referred to as torture, and my mom’s a psychologist so I’ve learned a lot about this stuff over the years. But, looking backed, I can see why it could be considered so!


#898

It might be a subjective opinion. I definitely think it’s torture, because you can utterly wreck someone’s life with this and it’s so hard to come back from it.


#899

Yep. Abuser can badmouth person and person hears this, but abuser tells person that they weren’t talking about person (when abuser openly said it in their face)


#900

It’s crazy scary, tbh.


#901

Thank you! I don’t read romance novels but I agree with you the bad boy attraction aspect.


#902

You know, I was already a fan of you. This seals the deal. You’re a wonderful human, Jas.


#903

PREACH. yeah it is a bit upsetting. And i hate it when the main female character just lays down and takes it. Or even worse… when she starts off all strong and independent and then ends up falling in love with the arsehole because he did one nice thing for her?? ugh