👽 Alien Critiques 👽 (OPEN)

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#181

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#182

title: Schrodinger’s Child
genre(s): Memoir
brief summary: Meri, even since she was a child, has always felt invisible. Purely, completely, undeniably invisible. When her mother, tormented by the demons of substance abuse and mental illness, physically abused her siblings in her place? Invisible. When the other children at school taunted her and avoided her like the plague? Invisible. And later when she struggled with depression, forcing herself daily to go through the motions, even though she couldn’t find a single reason why she should? Invisible. All her life it has appeared that she is the only one who can see herself drowning. Maybe, she thinks, it’s not that they don’t see: it’s that they don’t care.

The concept of Schrodinger’s cat has always resonated with her. Shove a cat into a box, hide it away from prying eyes, and suddenly it is both alive and dead at the same time. It’s there and not there, healthy and unhealthy, real and unreal, as long as it remains unobserved. This is what Erwin Schrodinger himself would have called an observer’s paradox. It’s so ridiculous, he argued, that it simply cannot be true. Meri knows better. She can’t speak for Schrodinger’s cat, but she has always felt that she is Schrodinger’s child. Living but lifeless, mature but childlike, an unobserved observer, she is trapped between two worlds that no person should ever have to inhabit at once. Adulthood is lurking just around the corner for her, but even so, she cannot help but wonder; if there is no clear fate for Schrodinger’s cat, then what-if anything-will happen to her?

I do hope this is ok; I don’t think that it “glorifies” anything illegal, since it’s only telling the honest experience of my life, and I don’t really think it’s mature. Not G-rated, certainly, but more like pg-13.
number of chapters you want me to read: 9+? (can we cross that bridge)?
do you want numerous in-line comments or one giant critique in the comment section?: In-line
anything you want me to focus on (spelling, grammar, character development, etc.)?: whatever strikes you, dear
password: Scully

I hope it fancies you. Personally memoir/realistic writing is a little bit out of genre for me, as I grew up writing fantasy and didn’t start writing realistic/comedic pieces until recently. Still, I figured there was no harm in trying. :slight_smile:


#183

Accepted! I’ll strike you a deal. I’ll read 14 chapters of your book- because they seem relatively short- and all you have to do is follow me and comment of four chapters of The Forgotten Land. I’m interested in reading a realistic story, since I normally do fantasy.


#184

title: Ivory Black
genre(s): Teen Fiction
brief summary:Kai Haywood never thought anything of being adopted by a white family. What was the problem ? She had a stable home with two siblings and parents that loved her but that wasn’t the way Aaliyah Jackson saw it, in fact everything changed when Kai met Aaliyah. Kai soon realized she had no clue who she really was.
number of chapters you want me to read: 2
do you want numerous in-line comments or one giant critique in the comment section?: in line comments
anything you want me to focus on (spelling, grammar, character development, etc.)?: character development
Password: Scully


#185

Accepted! Please complete payment


#186

Done


#187

Alright. I will add it to my list


#188

If it isn’t too much to ask, would you mind reviewing a few more chapters of my book please? (I’ll complete the form if you accept :smile: )


#189

Payment is done. If you don’t mind, try leaving your review on some of the later chapters; the first two chapters and the prologue have been getting reviewed a lot and they are very comment heavy.


#190

Sure!


#191

Gladly


#192

Yay! :smile:

title: The Legend of the Moonflower Princess
genre(s): Fantasy
brief summary: A young woman must rescue her brother from a mad sorcerer.
number of chapters you want me to read: 2, I guess (it depends on how many new chapters you have up, lol)
do you want numerous in-line comments or one giant critique in the comment section?: Whatever you want to do.
anything you want me to focus on (spelling, grammar, character development, etc.)?: Character development, like last time (if there’s any spelling errors, feel free to point those out as well)
password: Scully


#193

payment completed


#194

Critique complete! I’m sorry it took me so long! You have a wonderful story in your hands and I’m excited to see where it goes.


#195

I finished your critique! You have a very good story on your hands.

Two critiques in one day? Does this mean I’m actually getting my life together?


#197

Sure! I’m still waiting on the final bit of payment for The Kingdom of Ice, but you can request again. I just want to warn you that things are a little busy for me, so it might take a while. However, it will not be more than a week.


#198

perfect. remind me what the last part of payment is? i thought i finished already but that might have been the other one


#199

rip nevermind i just did it. sorry for taking so long


#200

You are fine! I have the memory span of a squirrel on crack, so I completely understand. I’ll get started on your story ASAP.


#201

also here’s my other request. sorry for just putting this all on you haha.
Title: Jericho
Genre: Short-story/spiritual
Number of chapter you want me to read: 3
Numerous in-lines or one giant comment?: one giant one
anything you’d like me to focus on?: the meaning and the style of writing
Password: Scully