👽 Alien Critiques 👽 (OPEN)

feedback-offered

#242

Accepted! Please complete payment


#243

bump


#244

Hi, are you still open?


#245

Yup!


#246
  • title: Breaking Black
  • genre(s): Thriller/Mystery
  • brief summary: Since his stint with the government’s top-secret Delta Force, Agent Black has become a valuable agent for the FBI and has solved every case thrown at him. When his longtime partner resigns and the double homicide of 16-year old twins lands on his desk with no leads that task becomes much more challenging.

His new partner, Lexi Stone, is fresh from the academy. Her keen eye for detail offsets the fact she has no experience in the field which leaves Agent Black struggling to adjust to his new role as a mentor.

A new break in the case reveals something sinister. Black and Stone must work together to find the elusive killer before his depraved delusion spirals completely out of control and he threatens to harm someone close to Black’s heart. As the pressure to catch him mounts, so does the increasing tension of personal secrets that may just make this the last case Agent Black ever works.

  • number of chapters you want me to read: You’ve read the first two which I’ve changed some stuff around but I’d love to hear feedback on chapters 3 &4 or even more of my story if you’re interested. I’m currently in a debate on if I want to re write the entire story or not.
  • numerous in-lines or one giant comment?: Either is fine. Whichever you find easier.
  • anything you want me to focus on?: All of the above? I’ll take any feedback you care to give. Character development and plot development especially.
  • what would you rate your story? (G, PG…?): PG-13
  • password: Scully

#247

Accepted! Please complete payment


#248

I’ve already permenantly followed you from the previous request so I’m just going to comment on your novel. (: is that cool?


#249

That’s perfect!


#250

Completed


#251
  • title: The Roaring Twenties: Mobs, Murder and Mayhem
  • genre(s): historical fiction, YA
  • brief summary: Chicago, 1923

Its the era of the Prohibition, and Eliza Dupont is no stray to breaking the rules. But she lives in a city where the police don’t make the laws, the mobs do.

So when her uncle dies and it’s ruled a suicide, Eliza can’t help but think there’s more to the situation than meets the eye. Her curiosity leads her right into the heart of Southern Chicago, and it’s nothing like the city she thought she knew. With the help of her best friend Sissy and the gang-famous mechanic and driver Tony, Eliza sets out to find out what really happened to her uncle.

But this is Chicago, and Eliza has a whole lot more than just the police to worry about while she investigates. After all, the cops are but a pawns, and it’s the gangs that are pulling the strings.

  • number of chapters you want me to read: at the moment there are ten, but I’m kind of hoping to have someone by who can keep moving with me, if that makes sense? Like, eventually the whole novel, and just looking at things before I post them or when they’re written and stuff.
  • numerous in-lines or one giant comment?: I’m hoping you won’t mind critiquing via google docs, which is where I write my work.
  • anything you want me to focus on?: grammar, and just the general flow of the story. Also making sure I’m keeping things kind of mysterious, as that’s a big part of the plot itself, so I want to make sure it doesn’t seem like I’m giving too much away at any given point.
  • what would you rate your story? (G, PG…?): G/PG. It’s definitely not any worse than that ahah
  • password: Scully

#252

Accepted. Please complete payment.


#253

done! i think lol,/s>


#254

Please follow me


#255

oh right! Sorry, I totally forgot


#256

I’m done with my payment :smiley:


#257

Let me know if it interests you! :relaxed:

Edit: Payment complete.


#258
  • title: The Legend of the Moonflower Princess
  • genre(s): Fantasy
  • brief summary: When her adopted younger brother is kidnapped by the minions of a mad sorcerer, a young woman must journey through a magical land in order to rescue him.
  • number of chapters you want me to read: Would 2 be fine? (I’ll read the next chapter of your book).
  • numerous in-lines or one giant comment?: Both are fine.
  • anything you want me to focus on?: character development (and action scenes, since they pop up).
  • what would you rate your story? (G, PG…?): PG-13
  • password: Scully

#259

Accepted! I’m currently having some health issues, so the critique may take a little longer than I like. However, I will be done in no later than a week.


#260

Accepted! Nice to see you again.


#261

Payment complete :smile: