👽 Alien Critiques 👽 (OPEN)

feedback-offered

#282

I finished your first chapter but do not be fooled, I will be coming after you with more.

I am going on a long car ride and plan to reserve the rest for the trip this weekend. We should be in the clear as far as payment. I hope you don’t mind my mild comment spam… here and there :heart:


#283
  • title: Bow To The State

  • genre(s): Science Fiction/Dystopian

  • brief summary: The Earth is a totalitarian state deadset on wiping out all enemies within its path. Locked into a neverending war with the Republic of Kuiper, based in the asteroid belt. Devoid of allies, it still fights on with an inhuman bloodlust. Mars is a borderline communist planet and the Moon is a neutral democracy. All of them have their own agendas. A group of influential Spanish and English business people decide work together and build a plutocratic utopia in deep space, situated within hollow asteroids. Then the utopia turns into a corrupt cesspit of crime.
    Maria is a naive girl who loses her father and livelihood in an instant, forced to escape the tyrannical regime on Earth and escape to Estrella, a group of cities floating in deep space
    Dimitri is a troubled young man who lives in Estrella and owns a bar, haunted by demons and harbouring a severe alcohol addiction.

  • number of chapters you want me to read: 7, excluding author’s note

  • numerous in-lines or one giant comment?: Erh. Just make it understandable. :slight_smile:

  • anything you want me to focus on?: Problems you find plot-wise, grammatically and descriptively. Basically what ever you find troubling

  • what would you rate your story? (G, PG…?): PG-13, there is some inappropriate language.

  • password: Scully
    Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/183642296-bow-to-the-state


#284

Thank you. :slightly_smiling_face:


#285

Accepted! Go ahead and complete payment and I’ll gladly get started


#286

Done!


#287

You sure are super busy with reviewing, huh? How do you do it?


#288

I’m not sure I’m doing it too well! I love this, but my schedule has been super busy lately, so it usually takes me a while to get around to doing the critiques. I’m trying my best to get them done in a timely manner.


#289

Well, I think you’re doing a great job. :wink:


#290

Critique complete! I’m sorry for the long wait!


#291

Hey! I just wanted to check in and see how things are going. I noticed that you have me on the wait list saying you were still waiting on payment. I have completed it as far as I know. I can keep commenting/reading your work if you would like me to.

Just let me know whats goin’ on! Hope to hear from you soon.


#292

Whoops! For some reason I had it in my head that you wanted 7 or 8 chapters read and I was waiting for the rest of the payment. I’ll change it ASAP! Thank you for pointing it out to me. I’m currently out of town for Easter weekend, but I’ll get started on the critique as soon as I get home.


#293

You rock! I only have 4 parts released right now.

I appreciate you looking into it. I look forward to hearing from you in the near future. Enjoy your holiday!


#294
  • title: Zjjan Master

  • genre(s): Fantasy/Adventure/Action

  • brief summary: Including his guild master, many lives had lost to end a calamity. Jaino feels guilty. Still, the first prince of Jelfyr assigned him as a higher official. This has made him hiding to avoid conflicts.
    Wanting to find peace, he accidentally meets Criselia, forcing him to accept an agreement. Consuming many lives, her demonstration has left him no choice.
    Meanwhile, Jesifer, the queen of Jelfyr, she receives an orient report from the JSA.
    Attempting to end the battle in the wide plain while avoiding casualty, she instead meets Dandia’s ruler, seeking for the strongest.
    The outside world now slowly unfolds.

  • number of chapters you want me to read: Selective only and six chapters at all, they belong to one arc that I called a chapter.

  • sp05 00, Chapter Five

  • sp05 01 01, Carry On

  • sp05 01 02, Near the Serpent’s Fang

  • sp05 01 03, Amono and Harfiet

  • sp05 01 04, Crewl vs Gaile, The Greed and Impatience

  • sp05 01 05, The Possession

  • numerous in-lines or one giant comment?: and anything you want me to focus on?: Anything that you can say. They are all helpful.

  • what would you rate your story? (G, PG…?): I don’t know XD. But P.S. There is no xxx in my story.

  • password: Scully.


#295

Accepted! I really appreciated your comments on my story and I will gladly add you to the queue.


#296
  • title: RISE
  • genre(s): High/epic fantasy, mystery, YA
  • brief summary: A princess wants to get back her throne when ten other people are competing for it all because her father killed her half-brother.
  • number of chapters you want me to read: 1-2
  • numerous in-lines or one giant comment?: In-lines, please
  • anything you want me to focus on?: Flow, characterisation and/ or anything that isn’t grammar or typos etc. I plan to edit and there’s no point in fixing my grammar now if some sentences are going to be rewritten :woman_shrugging:
  • what would you rate your story? (G, PG…?): G? I think. There’s no swearing but there’s some gore at points but they’re not at the bits you’re reading so… :joy:
  • password: Scully

#297

Accepted! I will add you to the queue!


#298

Critique complete! I am so, so, so sorry for how long it took me to complete. Your story was really good and I only had a few comments to make about it.