Anyone over 35 there? Third edition



Any advance on four?


The British and the Americans - two cultures separated by a common language.

Tell you what, make it over for Expo and you might just see that. I’ve been begged to run another Paranoia. Somebody is a glutton for punishment, and it’s not me!


Took Kapa for a ramble and he nearly caught a coyote. He went out of sight in the riverside woods and out pops this poor, skinny little coyote, running for all he was worth, with Kapa hot on his tail. I started yelling at him and after a couple hundred feet, he sheered off and came to me. The coyote didn’t slow down a bit, and disappeared in the thick willows.

I was afraid he’d catch it and get bitten (rabies). Or hurt the coyote, poor thing. It looked like a yearling and won’t survive the winter, I reckon.

There’s been a mountain lion about: I found scat on the river path. I’d hate to stir that up.


We have coyotes around our house too. There are even mountain lions around here.


My grandfather and Mum gave me a bag of rancher slang. In New Zealand, I picked up slang the way a magpie picks up shiny bits to line its nest. There’s some lovely Kiwi slang, both from the wars spent with Aussie forces and Poms, and from pidgin Mäori.

For instance, half-pie. Pai is Mäori for good, and half-pie means a ■■■■-up, something poorly done.

Another beaut is hard yakka, a punishing bit of work, which comes from an Aussie native word yaga (work). The Kiwis got it from the Aussie troops in the wars.

I also picked up slangy bits from the old yachties whose boats I worked on. One fellow got a tongue-lashing from his wife, having come to work on his boat and missed a lunch with her sister, or the like. I hid in the jacks while she volleyed and thundered (not wanting to have her mistake me for his doxie). When I emerged, he was redfaced and shaking his head: “She’s a proper Avondale spider,” he said.

I asked where the expression came from and he said he got it from his dad. So I did some research.

In the 1920s, the butcheries in the Avondale district of Auckland got a shipment of coolers from Australia, that harboured big Huntsman spiders. The spiders liked the heat given off by the compressors. When the panels were taken off, the spiders, exposed to the light, would hiss and spit in an intimidating manner.

Isn’t that a jewel?

(WP just auto-censored me. Wonder if I lose some badges? Giggle!)




This is a test.

Fuck. ■■■■. Shit. Cunt. Arse. Bugger.

Interesting. The only auto-censored word is C…O…C…K.

■■■■ of the walk. ■■■■-a-doodle-doo.

Can anyone explain the logic behind that?


That is a good one when you know about those arachnids. Although on first read through it gives an entirely different image - a woman with spindly limbs about to eat her husband!


I was once on a forum where they censored the word ‘dick’. Fun ensued when trying to discuss the works of certain strange authors of American sci-fi. I mean, who is Philip K Penis?

Maybe it’s a Scunthorpe problem?

Edit> nope. That wasn’t it.


I had a deco of her out the porthole. Her limbs were not by any means spindly.

The husband was a sweet old chap, with a Logan Brothers classic. Roaming around the hard at yacht clubs and working on boats, mostly owned by old rich Pakeha guys, you’d think I’d have been if not groped, at least chatted up. But they treated me gently, with respect. P’raps they were grateful to get such cheap labour.


Must be a gaggle of tee-tolalers, I figger, running the show here. Keeping us old-timers from having a ■■■■-tail.

I prefer a whiskey old-fashioned. Sour. :slight_smile:


I’d say, too, that is what happened to my LemonFlash collection of sexy short stories. I’m sure I said c*ck in there at least a time or two, along with, of course, ass and tit and dick and boobs and pussy and cunt and twat and… and…

I’m trying to think of some more dirty words for Wattpad to auto-censor, but I seem to have fagged. Hmm. Bugger. What a bitch.

@all – A little help here, perhaps? :slight_smile:


twatwaffle! (Not calling you names, responding to your question!)


Would shit, dickhead, balls, whore, slut, porn, smut count?

Was giggling at the derailing of the topic :laughing:


Alright. I’m going to summon the spirit of George Carlin here …

Shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits

And my favourite English one: wank.

Now that is bizarre. ■■■■ is out, but cockwomble is in.

Stopcock. ■■■■ my gun.



It seems that Wattpad has censored only ■■■■ while letting the other words run amuck? Weird, I’d say.

Even bitch makes the cut.


How about clit, clitoris, vagina? Why the male discrimination with ■■■■? Cocks head in confusion. :thinking:


Breast makes it too.

You didn’t get censored, Michael. Look ^^


@Nablai — It appears we’re allowed to have multiple cocks, but not one.


Lol. :joy: This is a ■■■■ sure way of lambasting the ■■■■.

Edit: ■■■■ is censored. Cocks aren’t. Checked and confirmed twice.