It’s just so hard to go through. I’ve been purging about 4-5 times per day depending. I hate it. I hate myself. I don’t want to go back there but I also am comfortable there and I don’t want to tell her that I’ve been having problems regarding food since my gallbladder came out in April since back then it was making me sick and I started vomitting a lot which fucking triggered me so much that well, yeah.
I mean it’s better than it has been. Before rehab it was 30+ times a day and I can stand and do all that kinda shit but I don’t wanna be like this
but I also am obsessed with how my body is
and i don’t think anything will ever make me happy
I have a flat stomach and still feel like a fucking whale
and winter makes everything worse because I have the thing were you get depressed in winter