Baby Query Shark

#1

So we’ve been talking a lot about queries in another post and I thought I would post one of mine for feedback, if anyone’s interested.

Feedback welcome! (this project is currently on hold, waiting for the artist, but I figure being prepared can’t hurt)

#2

I think that’s a excellent start. My first reaction was “Oh no, not italics,” but honestly, I think they WORK, and that’s what’s important. Other people might disagree, though.

I’m not getting the depth of conflict and stakes. I like that you’ve got the safe = family, adventure/fulfillment = loneliness dynamic. I think it’s a good one. But I want to know more about the real struggle and the story that is filling the pages.

Out of curiosity, have you read other queries for graphic novel scripts? Because I’m used to queries for novels, I expected a word count, not an estimated page count. How long is the novel? I would probably change that last sentence to “The full novel would be approximately 120 script pages”… but that’s just me.

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#3

I kept going back and forth on the italics, but I wanted a way to separate the hook/pitch from the general ‘oh hi this is me, thanks’ part. Noted about the stakes, I’ll fiddle with it a bit more to work those in. The short version is: being alone is deadly when things see you as food.

I haven’t made graphic novel queries before, but I followed a guide posted below. Most graphic novel and comics seems to follow a pitch package query, which requests the number of final, illustrated, pages the work will be.

#4

Don’t do it. Sorry, but anything out of the ordinary - and italicising a whole chunk of text balls into that catogory - will get you into trouble. It’s not in line with standard novel formatting and that is just not a good idea. I understand what you’re trying to do but this is not going to go well.

#5

Cool.

Okay, so I get that being alone is deadly when things see you as food. I guess what I’m missing is the story goal. What is she striving to obtain by venturing out? I don’t mean her internal fulfillment – I mean what is happening externally? I’m honestly not getting a sense of the actual PLOT so much as the character journey.

#6

It is primarily a personal journey of growth. A kind of coming of age story with giant animals.

Plot wise, she finds a journal that she thinks is her mother’s but cant read it. The woman she meets offers to teach her how to read, and through that journal Tulip learns that her father has done some terrible things to keep her and their family alive and lied to Tulip about where he got the meat and other supplies. She has to decide if she can forgive him.

Hm. Hmmm. I need to work on better articulating this.

#7

Include the plot in the query. About the only time I’ve seen the character’s growth be more important than the plot (in a query) is in literary fiction.

#8

Yuuuup I definitely need to rework his to include the plot. Thank you for pointing that out! I got all excited about the themes and forgot… yeah.

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#9

Thanks a lot: now I’ve got that song stuck in my head.