Bash Your Own Characters

Do any of your characters make you feel like this? Be it from the boring chapters with a particular character which you just *can't* wait to get over with, or you just outright hate them? Well then, this is the place for you!

Feel free to roast/bash your characters whether you hate them as a whole or you just can’t stand them in a particular scene where they do something so, so stupid.

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I’ll start.

To Alex from All American Boys:

You selfish, self-serving bastard. Get off your moral high horse. Oh wow, stop victimising yourself and trying to get sympathy like it’s oxygen. Stop expecting people to care about you when you wouldn’t do the same for them. I can’t believe you’re the protagonist and I have to stick about writing you for the next 20 chapters. I hope you get the ending you deserve.

End rant

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I am HERE TO SHAME MY ANTAGONISTS IN THEIR OWN HOMES!

  • Ella Barnett
    One of the worst goddamn people you’ll ever meet. Will absolutely slit your throat and leave you in the desert to bleed out for less than a penny and still flirt with you while your drowning on your blood.

  • Jason Barnett
    Second half of the worst goddamn people you’ll ever meet. Horribly jealous co-dependent bastard man who absolutely thinks he’s better than you and says it is very subtle ways.

  • The Entity
    THE WORST. THE ABSOLUTE WORST. Nasty awful creature of unknowable power who manipulates, gaslights, and grooms those caught in its deals to use to its own ends. I absolutely mean it when I say The Entity wins the goddamn Oscar for Rat Bastard Elder God. They deserve what they get in the goddamn end.

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Ew, they sound like rats. The Barnetts seem like trash, hope I don’t ever meet anyone like that ever. And yes for characters we hate getting what they deserve! It’s so satisfying.

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They’re absolute garbage. They ALL gonna get what they deserve. Gonna taKE OUT THE TRASH.

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Alex sounds a LOT like people I’ve known (and thankfully have left in the goddamn dust), damn. Destroy this parasite cretin and throw him in the garbage incinerator.

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I will sis! That’s the tea

Hey, Alfonso, you demagogic, megalomaniatic idiot

You believe yourself to the second coming of Jesus or something, you are just a crazy idiot with a supernatural ability to convince people. Dont forget that at first you used this shit to do underage drinking and getting free stuff. You are not morally superior, you are not creating a better world. You really look and act like a 21st Century version of Hitler, except with less blood and hate

Oh, btw, your relationship, and later marriage with Fabiana, is technically rape. Your ability makes any consent invalid, so congratulations, you are also a rapist

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Hey Jack,
Just because you’re a super hot, alien, intergalactic businessman in several relationships doesn’t give you the right to ignore your son like he doesn’t even exist. I don’t care if your species do things differently, your son is half human and he needs his father to be there for me. Sure you’re grieving the loss of your girlfriend but if you aren’t there Bear doesn’t have any one!

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Rasul Samiyau: NO ONE NEEDS TO BE THIS DRAMATIC. YOU JUST THINK YOU’RE THE HOTTEST THING ROLLING, DON’T YOU?? GLITTER ISN’T A PERSONALITY TRAIT. GETTING GIRLS ISN’T A PERSONALITY TRAIT. Stop stealing stuff. Stop breaking into places. And for the love of GOD, stop being such a FLIRT if you can’t handle the aftermath. You can’t just wheel yourself out of every bad situation you get into and smooth-talk your way into the clear.

Mist Isbrand: if only you weren’t such a coward about everything. Why would you rather lie in bed and stare at the ceiling than ask him out?? Why would you rather go to a nightclub than, like, make a plan? WHY CAN’T YOU PLAN ANYTHING? You’re so erratic it’s an actual workout to keep up with all of your b.s. I’m exhausted. You’re at either zero or one hundred all the time. Nightclub or blanket fort, incredible flirting or total organ failure, will literally climb the side of a building but still fears thunder… FIND A HAPPY MEDIUM.

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Where the hell do I even begin with you Sinphuso? You make every other insane monarch in Aebradore look tame, abusing your entire country because you think it’s fun. You maimed your own child because he ‘betrayed’ you and then banished him, only to kidnap him years later and try to force him into a marriage with a girl he despises. When that doesn’t work, you kidnap his girlfriend and all the people she’s traveling with (a very large amount 30+) and threaten to magically strangle all of them if he doesn’t marry the same girl he has refused to for months. Then when that falls through you ally yourself with a group of people trying to take control of the dying heart of the world which would have killed it and the world.

You don’t understand any sense of sanity and only want more and more power. You’ve spent 3 centuries turning an entire race into a wreck. You can’t take a simple N-O for an answer and have to go to stupid extremes because they’re all the make sense to you. You ruin the lives of thousands with pretty much every word you speak. The death I’m giving you should honestly be so much more brutal in every way possible, I could dedicate CHAPTERS to your killing, but that would probably be way too much for anyone to read, so you’re lucky. Otherwise, oh the fun I’d have.

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Here is my bashing: Calestia, get a new name for christs sake.

Sorry, I wrote her years ago and I just man, her name is so long and complicated and unreasonable but hey i guess its whatever :joy: kinda too late to change it soooooo

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Henry Quad (from “The Facade of Quad in Nimrod”)
(he already gets a lot of bashing in the story, but it’s not enough)

You’re such a failure, don’t, don’t try to talk back to me that you aren’t. Please, do something right for a change and no, no that doesn’t mean becoming an assassin and killing people. NO MATTER WHAT RICHARD SAYS, killing is not good. Not good! What in your rational mind did you think killing was a good idea? Success? SUCCESS??? FAR FROM IT. Geesh. And do I have to…of course I do. Of course I have to mention that a girl slapping you doesn’t mean she’s madly in love with you, you freak. What in your mind made you come to that conclusion? What’s WRONG with you? Don’t give me that face, and wipe that sad little smile off your lips, it makes you look insane. Just, go, get a job, and don’t do anything STUPID like when you didn’t pay attention and ripped that valuable, valuable Shormstear book. That’s what got you fired.

Good grief, Henry.

(I had a little too much fun with this.)

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But my characters are all cinnamon rolls .-. it’s impossible to bash them

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hehehe here we go. Imma do the antagonist because my main characters have good reasons for being flawed & that’s not on them.

David Peterson:
This boy. Guided by wealth & attention, he thinks he’s all that. No, no David Peterson, aka the whitest name on the planet, you may have the money, the charming looks, & the greatest smooth talk ever, but manipulating Jackie, my poor child like that is terrible. Yes, you found her good looking & sweet talked her for a while because you wanted to get in her pants, but making her feel guilty for not giving up her virginity, is a smack in the head from me ok (& Malia). Take your gucci shoes, big ego for power and control in a world you don’t own, & be entitled with others who are entitled as well.

Hana Forbes:
ahhahahah no. First off, you simply judged my girl, Malia because she’s Jackie’s best friend & you don’t trust her. Lol ok sis, you the one who shouldn’t be trusted. You have this picture perfect face & act like the sweetest girl in North America, but you ain’t it without the power you think you hold with your boyfriend & friends. And when that’s lost, you think you can fill that by taking other people’s happiness away. You a selfish girl & my middle finger goes to you & David who have similar thought processes. Bye hun!

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lol i tried to go off without swearing…it was hard.

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Eo (from I want to be the protagonist even though I’m just a side character)
Boy, you think you’re so unspecial that it would be amazing for you to surpass the hero but you fail to realize that you yourself have some unfair advantages.
Plus, you keep killing all the monsters before they get to finish their sentences. You gotta let the readers know what they’re going to say, smh.

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To Melody:
I love you so much. But you are the literal definition of bread. I’m so sorry to give you that name, I was 14 and didnt know any better -but can you at least DO something?? You have an unlimited darkness within you! But you’re so unfazed by it all, so much to the point where the secondary character -Your Childhood Enemy, is surpassing you in both character growth and power!!

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