Beta for Science Fantasy (I'll critique a story of your choice)

Title: Love, Nemesis
Main Genre: Science Fantasy
Sub Genre: Romance, action, adventure
Details: Right now, I just need the first 10 chapters reviewed, even though it is complete. If the reader still wants to continue, then I can share the second ten. Working out a couple of kinks.


The Eating Ocean shattered the world.

It’s black waters came in visions, spreading a virus that granted endless power with unspeakable consequences.

Mankind reeled into a violent war.

Climbing back from extinction, the world refuses to remember its trauma. As insidious as poison, its secrets haunt those who survived it.

They found an orphaned Baker two years after the war, running through the wheat with a bandaged arm and no memory of how she lost it. One too many questions reveals a truth she never wanted: an alarming tie to The Ocean and its most sophisticated monster.

Jackson spent his life hunting The Ocean and its soldiers, but never called himself a hero. Rumors of what his cult did to end the war ostracize him from society, but with one last mark to kill, the bloodletting is far from over. Unhinged at best, only time divides him from becoming the monsters he fights, until he meets Ella.

A loyal soldier of the new order, Ella has given her life for a future she hopes everyone can believe in. With one year left to live, she has a final mission, until her path crosses with the unruly Jackson. Jackson’s fractured humanity forces Ella to revisit her broken past, and as Baker’s memories unravel, they find that the pieces of their lives form an undeniable picture.

The Eating Ocean shattered the world.

To save it, Baker, Jackson and Ella must confront their brokenness to face something far more powerful than The Ocean: the truth.

I would be willing! It’s an interesting premise. I can do a beta read, if you think you would be willing to read my Seekers from prologue through chapter 9. Are you looking for general impressions, or detailed commentary on content, pacing, etc?

Hi Yenna! Looking for general impressions on how the story and characters flow. Pointing out anything that seems clunky or “off”/unrealistic. What are you looking for for Seekers?

I can do that - I like to try to read all the way through and then comment, so please give me 3-7 days to start giving you feedback. After that, if you’d take a look at Seekers… my main concern is that I still have sections I need to cut and re-work, but I need help to identify what to work on. So any impressions you have - things you particularly like or don’t like, things that are confusing or outright boring - I would like to know. I’m open to cutting a lot of what I have and focusing on different characters in order to create a more interesting and active plot.

And if you get started on it and it just isn’t something you want to read, that is ok, just let me know. I don’t shy away from attempting mature content - and there is a little mxm sex in the first chapter.

Sounds like a plan! Quick note too. Mine is on google docs, not completely on wattpad at the moment. That okay? I can send you a link. And I’m looking for a lot of the same feedback as you are it looks like. If you find its not your thing, no problem! Just let me know what throws you off. I’m pretty much beyond being sensitive about my work. I really just want help haha

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