Hi everyone. I’m in the process of editing and perfecting my story and I would gladly appreciate some help. I’ve transferred three of my chapters in a google docs folder with enabled comments. If anyone is interesting to read a mafia story please let me know. It is very violent and graphic though. I tried to keep it as raw as possible to truly translate the lifestyle onto the paper. It has some notion of romance in it but that isn’t really seen in the first half of the book.
Title: LA MALAVITA (translates to bad life) - a nod to dolce vita
Genre and sub-genres: I would personally put this under crime, drama, romance (aimed at NA and Adult readers)
Description: La Malavita [malaˈviːta]; literally, the bad life or evil life
“Gangs are criminals. We? We are high-class law benders.”
Lucrezia Allegro used to love a man who was also by chance an heir of an organized crime empire. They met when she was only seventeen but already then she was longing for a taste of danger and something different. Everything was divine until the night she betrayed him
and left him for dead. Outsmarted and vulnerable she spent three years in hiding and living a quiet life. But the tentacles of the monster reach far and deep. Once you’re in the game, there’s no way out but one.
Lorenzo Sciarra has finally caught the girl that has been slipping right through his fingers for years and no matter what she does he doesn’t plan on letting go any time soon. But with the old girl new secrets lie and with a war brewing on the horizon, Enzo isn’t sure if he can trust her. She owes him big time for all that’s been said and done but first, they have to work together if they want to win this game of lies they’ve been playing. If they don’t kiss or kill each other first.
Set against the backdrop of Italy, the infamous mafia’s homeland, comes a violent romance with twisted characters slowly revealing their darkest desires. Come in and join the fight.
(This is what I’ve come up with but I’m not too pleased, I’m not sure it gives the best representation of the plot)
From my Beta Reader I’d like to know if my story is coherent, does it flow, is it clear enough to grasp what is going on and an overall conclusion on it. You can pick on everything, grammar too if you like. I truly want constructive criticism even if it is harsh. Let me know if anyone is interested and I will share the link.
I can do payments if you request it (follows, checking out your work and giving feedback)