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Enemies they are, both raised on the other’s opposing kingdom. Born to hate, fight, and love each other. One knows, one doesn’t, blood brothers born with just either the mom or dad. One teaches the truth, and one learns the truth. Brothers they are, and loving brothers they shall be. This isn’t the end though.

The truth can’t be hidden much longer.

“Wait for me younger brother, I’m coming.”


Info: So the story is about 2 brothers that got seperated at a young age due to their parents (The King and Queen) getting a divorce. The older one remembers about the younger one, but the younger one doesn’t. This explains the “Wait for me younger brother, I’m coming.”
They were raised on opposing kingdoms and are “destined,” as said by each parent to fight to the death one day in order to save their kingdom. The older one tries to tell the younger one the truth as explained by, “One teaches the truth, and one learns the truth.”

A lot more is supposed to happen in the book but I’m not including it in the description because it would spoil a LOT. Btw the story has magic, so it’s paranormal.

I like it. It’s unique and it draws me in. I would change the wording in a few places to make it flow a bit better though.

Enemies they are, both raised in opposing kingdoms. Born to hate, fight, and love each other. One knows, one doesn’t; blood brothers raised with either the mom or a dad. One teaches the truth, and one learns the truth. Brothers they are, and loving brothers they shall be. This isn’t the end though.

The truth can’t be hidden much longer.

“Wait for me younger brother, I’m coming.”

The only part I’m not sure about is “Born to hate, fight and love each other”

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hmm it doesn’t draw me in as much as it should be though. it sounds similar to a korean drama i watched recently. so one thing I don’t really get is why wouldn’t the younger brother know about the older brother’s existence? wouldn’t the King/Queen tell him about his family or why he doesn’t have a complete family?

to me it just doesn’t seem realistic enough or maybe i don’t have enough info to determine if i’d like the story much.

but atm the story doesn’t seem all that interesting because you’ve already explained your blurb

  1. The younger brother doesn’t remember the older one because he was too young when they were separated.
  2. I haven’t really though of that part very much yet, i’m saying that one of them found out that the other killed their mother/father, and maybe they fear the other so they fight eachother. The part saying about destiny is to encourage their child that this is the right thing to do because it says, “save their kingdom” So that’s why he doesn’t have a complete family, (divorce)
    P.S The younger brothers parent re-married, so the child doesn’t know it’s their biological one.

I’m sorry that you feel confused, I haven’t thoroughlythought about the story and how it will go. I just thought about this plot 2 days ago so it may seem confusing for the time being.

Hate because they’re born in opposing kingdoms
Fight because of “destiny”
Love because they’re brothers

how old was the brother when they were separated? if it was a traumatic event most people would remember it. dude, my parents divorced when i was young and i definitely remember it so i don’t see why the younger brother wouldn’t, unless he was like really, really young when it happened like 1/2 years old.

why? why would you do this? what’s the character’s motivation for doing so? is the parent evil? does the parent want to overthrow the current king?

[quote=“jodyhuang99, post:4, topic:167178”]
The part saying about destiny is to encourage their child that this is the right thing to do because it says, “save their kingdom” [/quote]

why? why is that so? is it because the current kingdom is corrupt? is it because the older brother is corrupt? is it because the current king is dying?

why is their destiny?

I really think you should check out this korean drama called Queen for 7 days cuz the plot line is similar to yours.

this was my question for the book not for my information but i understood why he didn’t have a complete family but i’m asking wouldn’t the younger brother ask why he doesn’t have a complete family or why his parent looks different from them?

and trust me, kids know if the parent isn’t their biological one.

  1. I’m actually going to change up my answer from before to make it seem a little clearer, the younger one is living with his father and the father can manipulate a person’s mind/memories so skillfully that he can erase and inplant memories. (Since this is a paranormal story)

  2. There is no motivation actually, the parent’s… parents actually got along together and so did the children. It was an “accident,” that happened but the other blames it on them since they don’t know who else to blame. That accident part will unfold more as the story goes along.

  3. The destiny part is actually a lie told to the child, it’s what the king tells the younger one. It will also unfold more as the story goes on.

  4. More of the mind erasing and implanting. He suspects it though because of the conversations his father and “mother,” have but he can’t believe it so it’s in the corner of his head.

  1. what do you mean by there’s no motivation? Behind everything there’s a driving force and if there’s no internal motivation from the character it seems a bit forced.

Okay, well its your story so do whatever you want. Im just trying to advice you the best that i can.

Well it’s more like the father doesn’t know/remember, and it’s isn’t him that did it. It’s hard to explain but it’s controlling him so he doesn’t remember, and so he had no motivation, the one controlling him however did. I haven’t thouroghly thought yet why it wanted to kill their parent, but it’s a part of the story.

For me, the problem is that it’s a little too vague to really get me interested. The only part that really gives me an image of what’s going on is the first sentence
“Enemies they are, both raised on the other’s opposing kingdom.”
And even that is worded in an overly complicated way.

I think you have an interesting story, but your blurb needs to give some more specific mental images for people to imagine and get invested in.

Also, you say that the story has magic (which is cool! I love magic in stories!), and that makes it paranormal. However, magic to me makes me think of fantasy rather than paranormal.

Well it make sense since the story is about kingdoms, war, and magic. XD