Blurb Help

Blurb:

Don’t get caught.
Don’t let anyone find you.
Don’t let them know what you really are.
The three rules of Takara’s life that had kept her and her secret safe. But one careless night, one less look over her shoulder, has left her chained and imprisoned. Believed to be a sorceress who can summon and control dragons, she’s being forced to fight in a war that isn’t hers to fight. What this foreign King doesn’t understand is who or what she really is, what her song really means. With the help of an unlikely ally, will Takara be able to escape the chains that bind her, and sing her Dragon Song once again, before it is too late?

I struggle with writing blurbs. I tend to either give away too much information or not enough, never a good balance of either.

Also subject to change is the name. I liked Takara when I started this journey but now it just isn’t sitting with me. Any name suggestions would also be appreciated!

This blurb actually really hooked me. Pretty much the only critique I have is the last line- before it’s too late? Before it’s too late for what? Basically, what are the stakes? What happens if she fails?

If she fails to escape her prison, she dies. Her life is what is at stake

Cool, consider incorperating that into the blurb. Before it’s too late feels vauge and unfinished, but something like 'Before she outlives her usefulness?" or “Before she meets the executioners blade?” might work. Or you could just get rid of the ‘before it’s too late’ entirely, as the sentence makes sense without it.

The cause of her death is a little complicated though, she won’t be executed or outlive her usefulness. She is a Dragon Singer, her song coming from the dragon that resides within her. Imagine split personality, the dragon is a separate entity essentially stuck inside her that she can ‘Shift’ and become that dragon. All Dragon Singer’s must make the shift, otherwise their dragon will fade and eventually die. With Takara, she has to shift. Because of something that happened when she was young, her life is tied to her dragon’s. If her dragon dies, she dies. And she is bound with chains that trap her magic, she she can’t make the Shift and her dragon is slowly dying, and so is she.

The reason she is thought to be a sorceress is because Dragon Singer’s are so incredibly rare. Everyone think they summon and control the dragons, not that it is a partnership between two entities. They are sought after to be used as weapons of war, and most would rather die than let their dragons be used like that. Or they are hunted by villages and seen as evil.

This part of the story is complicated and I’m not sure how to incorporate it in.

It’s pretty good and sounds like it’s worth reading! A few things I noticed:

Something about “one less look over her shoulder” is making me double back to figure out what you mean. Maybe “one failed look over her shoulder” or something? Maybe that’s just a personal preference, though.

It is clear this Dragon song is a big deal but I think it is a bit too vague for me? I think you need to make this a little more clear. What is her dragon song? Why is it important that she sing it? Why can’t she sing it in prison?

Maybe:

Mistakenly believed to be a sorceress who can summon and control dragons, she is being forced to fight in a war that isn’t hers to fight. Her captor, a foreign King, doesn’t understand just how important the Dragon Song really is. To stay alive, Takara teams up with an unlikely ally and formulates a plan to escape the chains that bind her. Will she succeed in time to sing her Dragon Song once again, or will it be too late?

It isn’t perfect at all, but it’s late here so it’s the best I can do for now. Just throwing it out there as another suggestion in case it gives you some ideas.

I really like the flow of that! That’s one thing I was struggling with, the flow and having it make sense.

Thanks! I feel like I’m so much better at writing other people’s blurbs than my own. I think it’s the excessive amount of knowledge we have about our own work. It makes it hard to choose what’s important.

Hard to choose what is important, and what to say without giving everything away!

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