Blurb help?


#1

As a young girl, Eda was put on trial for murdering dozens of people in the small, isolated cult where she grew up. She was acquitted and records of the case were sealed so she could live a normal life.

Now an adult, Eda struggles to stay anonymous as all of America is obsessed with a television show dedicated to exposing the real identity of the alleged serial killer known as MARY SUE.


#2

She murdered members of the cult? Or she was part of a cult who murdered people ala Charles Manson? Right now it seems like she murdered the cult so I’m not sure if that’s the intention. I almost want to say tell us her age so we can have some context of how much time passed between her cult years and the adult years.

Outside of that I like it. I think I’d like to see another sentence or two to show how trying to stay anonymous is a struggle or just how it’s going to effect her that theres a reality series based on her life. Like if it’s making her want to kill again it could be something like “Staying anonymous is even harder when she finds the urges of her youth rising again” idk. Just something dramatic to close it up.


#3

I’m left with one question: whats at stake for Eda if her identity is discovered?


#4

This is a pretty serious and interesting topic.

For me, what’s missing is the character. I know something about their past, but don’t know enough about them to care about their present or future. In order for me to care about her getting exposed, I need to know enough about her life and her heart to get me invested enough to want to click read.

**Example (without any major connection to your current blurb because I can’t see it):

As a young child, Eda was blamed for a horrendous crime that shook the nation to the core and left the people demanding justice. Although she was exonerated and her records were sealed, she has had to live with the cloud of her past looming over her, forever threatening her with a rain she tries to outrun.

As an adult, Ada leads a half life, never getting attached and never putting herself out there. She works a dead end job to pay the bills and goes home to an empty house. The few people who do know her don’t know the secret she keeps locked away.

Now a television show promises to unlock the secrets and find the person responsible for that terrible crime she was accused of all those years ago. Eda knows she is innocent, but sometimes even the innocent get burned at the stake. Now the clouds of her past has caught up to her, promising a storm like no other.


This isn’t great, but you get the point.


#5

As @Prisim said, we don’t know if she murdered people in the cult or people outside the cult. Also, I think this part rushes the idea. Maybe slow it down a bit? So maybe As a young girl, Eda was put on trial. Why? She murdered dozens of people in a small, isolated cult in which she had grown up in. However, she was acquitted, and has lived a “normal” life.

We don’t know what her struggle is. I think you need to give more details as to why she is struggling. For example, However, now that half-life is all falling apart. All of America is obsessed with a television show dedicated to exposing the serial killer known as MARY SUE - herself. Now Eda must struggle with staying anonymous, while dealing with all her other hardships from long ago. Will she make it through?