Blurb help!

Hey guys. Can anyone give me a hand???

Three millennia ago they came and almost wiped humanity out of existence.

Now they’ve returned stronger than ever to finish what they started all those years ago.

The extermination of mankind.
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Kariah-Belle Nadirè. A second year at one of the four Universities for those with the potential to become Knights. During her second year the young woman is accepted into the Advance course where her and other students get to train first hand as knights. After an unfortunate turn of events, Kariah-Belle and her friends finally become Knights and are assigned to respective squads.

Kariah-Belle is placed under Holy knight: Star Titannia, a knight of great renown and prestige. Her two students, Aya and Kaden have already made names for themselves and are well on their way to becoming Divine Knights. As Kaden and Kariah-Belle get closer things once hidden in the dark come to light. With the return of a powerful alien race bent on wiping out all life on the planet, Kariah-Belle and her friends both old and new must defend the Four Great Nations while finding out who’s​ really pulling the strings. In a world full of monsters and deadly factions, can the group of young Knights survive? Or will Lore rip them apart?

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Someone once told me that they thought Kaden was Kariah-Belle’s love interest but in the story it’s revealed that the two are brother and sister who don’t remember each other. How can I make that clear in my blurb? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance!

Here ya go!

I mean, I had to, but on a serious note…

  • I really like the first few lines. Nice attention grabbers.
  • There’s a lot of information here. It reads like a summary. If the first part of the story is about her becoming a knight, then providing the story that she makes it through is not a good idea. The blurb should hint at what the story is going to be about, but not spoil it.
  • As for your question, saying they ‘get closer’ is almost guaranteed to be taken as romantic. Maybe say, ‘grow their sibling bond’, and then it’s clear they’re something like brother and sister to each other.
  • At any rate, what you have is good, but the whole first part of the blurb seems unneeded. It’s a summary of what might happen in the beginning of the story. You got a setting, three characters, and some stakes. I think what you need to do is yoink out the parts you don’t need, and get straight to the meat. (Which is in the second paragraph.)
  • But if the first paragraph is truly a short part of the story, then it can be worth keeping. But it feels like it’s delaying the actual plot in favor of an origin story.
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Lol. Severed hands are cool.

The first part is short. She becomes a knight by chapter 10. The first few chapters are fleshing out the characters while introducing the world and getting a feel for the kind of story. The “unfortunate turn of events” after the five chapters is what really builds the characters as well as introducing one of the main villains. I’ll take your advice on adding in there sibling bond since it’s obvious by chapter 5