Brooke's Comment Spam (Closed for catchup )

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#222

Done! So much fun - your premise is super interesting and I love the world you have begun building in the first chapter. I was pleasantly surprised that it didn’t become an info-dump, so congrats!


#223

thank you so much. I am going to implement your suggestions asap and rewrite my summary.

I really, really, appreciate your input.

Hopefully, you’ll follow back and enjoy Cal’s journey ( and for you only Esme’s journey in Bk 2 :slight_smile:)


#224

No worries! I actually really liked your blurb, but I felt I didn’t like it when the section about Cal was implemented in the chapter! So, if anything, I still think the blurb is good as is :slight_smile:


#225

Title: Whatever Souls Are Made Of
Genre: Teen fiction/romance with a dash of fantasy
Blurb: In 57 days, Samoa Kent will receive her soulmark: a pattern that appears on your eighteenth birthday, distinct to you and your soulmate. And even though Cosmopolitan magazine says the odds of knowing your soulmate are about the same as getting hit by lightning while simultaneously eaten by land sharks, Sam knows in her bones that she and Will Monterey are destined to be together. Even if he can’t take his eyes off her best friend.

Enter Israel Fisher. He tells Sam the only way to make Will notice her is to date someone else─ and he’s the perfect candidate. He’s not interested, not her type, and he’s Will’s least favorite person. Best of all, he never got a soulmark, so there’s no chance of things getting serious.

With 57 days and counting, Israel and Sam go all out. They’re so convincing, Sam herself starts to wonder what’s real and what isn’t. Suddenly, she’s falling for someone who could never be her soulmate. Will she be smart and play it safe, or will she finally be bold enough to go after what she wants— regardless of the consequences?

Or, a terribly cliche story that combines old tropes with a soulmate AU and touches on topics like mental illness and that terrible, deplorable “she’s not like other girls” mindset
Payment Completed: A permanent follow
Are you looking for feedback on something specific? I mean, I undertook this with the full knowledge that it is terribly cliche, but feel free to let me know that you are choking on the cliche-ness. The idea was to write a story from the point of view of “the best friend”, that one character in every teen fiction novel/movie that exists for the sole purpose of supporting the much more interesting and messed up main character. As much as I’m playing into some old tropes, I also hope to get rid of others, and portray characters that aren’t just one thing. So… I don’t know, just general thoughts on that stuff, I guess xD


#226

Just a quick question, Brooke, if we enjoy your services may we request more than once?


#227

Yes, definitely! You can just comment on either one of my books as payment :slight_smile:


#228

Done! Omg I am in love. I didn’t find ANYTHING I didn’t like. There wasn’t even a grammar, spelling, or punctuation error I could point out. I loved everything about it and your writing gives me life. Definitely going to read on when I can. Thanks for blessing me with this story.


#229

Ah thank you so much! I’m so so glad you enjoyed it <3 <3


#230

Title: The Greatest Obsession
Genre: Vampire (Historical Romance LGBT)
Blurb: Elijah Marks has always dreamed of marrying the love of his life, Irina Snow. His dreams will be coming true and in the upcoming months, he’ll be a happily married man. His plans are thwarted at the arrival of a stalker in the night, who leaves Elijah with bloody bites and wounded confidence. In an effort to capture the monster and prove to his soon-to-be father-in-law that the stalker is not human, he allows the being into his room to be caught in the act. It is Elijah’s greatest mistake that leads to his greatest obsession.
Payment Completed: I’ll be reading Antihero which, btw, I’ve read the prologue and I am already wanting more.
Are you looking for feedback on something specific? No, ma’am.


#231

Title: Gate: Humanity Lost (ONGOING only 5 chapters)

Genre: Fantasy

Blurb: Is humanity forever lost?

What lies on the other side of hope, a predator awaiting its prey?

Cross into the Gate of Humanity at the risk of great peril. So does the thought of death outweigh the chance to become human again? A belief Shinnosuke chooses to stake his life on as he battles predators who do not share his resolve to restore what was took from them, even if it means dying a beast.

Payment Completed: I want to leave a comment on one of your stories (Anithero) I just want to know how many comments?

Are you looking for feedback on something specific?: Pacing, whether or not if it has return value (continue onto the next chapter or not) Does it make sense? How does it read to you? Overall, general feedback.


#232

Title: Grounding the Storm

Genre: Fantasy

Blurb: Roux Aimrey is an immortal witch. In a kingdom ruled by a cruel king, her family fled to a refugee village when she was a child. Roux’s power of ground is dangerous and untrained, forcing her keep it locked up tight while her sister, a witch of the gardens, is adored.
Roux thinks that’s the worst of her problems until a storm invades their small village during the night and it’s not just any storm; but the dark prince coming to take her back to the castle.
He needs her, the power of ground, to quell his own. As a witch of storm, his power matches his personality, dark and unyielding.
Roux must navigate her new life in the castle and learn to leave her old one behind, all the while learning to trust her power and what it must take to force her way into the prince’s black heart.

Payment Completed: Yes! Followed :slight_smile:

Are you looking for feedback on something specific? Sentence structure! Thank you for offering feedback


#233

Title: What the Morning Brings
Genre: YA Fantasy
Blurb: Ori is an average, boring boy. Or so he thought, until a mysterious circus appears in his backyard. He meets Blithe, a golden, glittery acrobat who immediately draws Ori in. So when she invites him to run away and join the Cirque de Reverie, how can he refuse?

Two sisters. Opposites. When one runs away, leaving the younger sister heartbroken, she must find a way to save her older sister before it’s too late. But in a circus that thrives on magic, mystery, and manipulation, that task might just be monumental.

Is Ori the key to solving the circus’ secrets, or is he really just an ordinary boy?
Payment Completed: no, but I’ll get on it right now!
Are you looking for feedback on something specific? nope! anything that jumps out to you


#234

All the Lights are On
Mystery/Thriller

The McKenzie house stood tall and proud, its walls worn down by time and weather. It sat with windows boarded and shutters closed, with doors locked and a porch full of holes. It was still for sale, but nobody in their right minds would buy it. First it lost its family, then its charm, and finally its power. For the past two decades, the house stood overlooking Weary Ranch, cold and dark and desolate. On one cold September morning, the citizens of Weary Ranch woke up to alarming news. All the lights were on in the McKenzie house.

Payment: Followed!

https://www.wattpad.com/story/166316894-all-the-lights-are-on

Thank you!


#235

It’s so funny that I had no requests for a few days and then BAM 5 at once lol


#236

I just took a jab at writing a romantic comedy type of story it’s only 3 chapters so far and although I’m confident with the story line I’d sill like some feed backs and opinion. :sweat_smile:

Title: Am I Derrick Jones Type ?
Genre: Teen fiction
Blurb: Spring Jenkins is a 17 year old honor roll student who unlike most girls at her high school she has never had a boyfriend. She’s not your typical geek but she’s also not your most regular student. Spring spends her everyday evenings tutoring Derrick Jones younger sister Abby and although Spring is basically a nobody, it’s the complete opposite for Derrick. Derrick Jones is the face of the entire high school, Mr popular, an athlete, gets all the girls and goes to all the big parties. Every girl wants him and every guy wants to be like him, so why would a girl like spring ever think a guy like Derrick would have any form of interest in her ? They’ve never even talked before and they see each other everyday at school and at home, she’s basically a ghost to him. Nerdy and has no friends plus Popular and hot equals never gonna happen…so Is Spring Jenkins, Derrick Jones type ?

Payment: Followed :slight_smile:
Are you looking for feedback or something specific? Yes
https://www.wattpad.com/story/167291083-am-i-derrick-jones-type


#237

Done! Can’t wait to see your comments on Antihero :slight_smile: I really enjoyed your book and will be reading on, since you have managed to create a book with a lot of my favourite themes!


#238

It’s simply an honest two lined comment (or as many as you feel like making!)


#239

I am back for round two!

Title: The Greatest Obsession
Genre: Vampire (Historical Romance LGBT)
Blurb: Elijah Marks has always dreamed of marrying the love of his life, Irina Snow. His dreams will be coming true and in the upcoming months, he’ll be a happily married man. His plans are thwarted at the arrival of a stalker in the night, who leaves Elijah with bloody bites and wounded confidence. In an effort to capture the monster and prove to his soon-to-be father-in-law that the stalker is not human, he allows the being into his room to be caught in the act. It is Elijah’s greatest mistake that leads to his greatest obsession.
Payment Completed: I’ll be reading Chapter Two of Antihero. You’re painting quite the picture here. :slight_smile:
Are you looking for feedback on something specific? No, ma’am. This review is for Chapter Two.


#240

Really enjoyed this! The pacing was good, a little slow if I am honest, but I don’t think you would be able to pick it up in this chapter. Not a lot happened in the chapter action-wise but you managed to keep it entertaining and interesting. There’s a bit of world-building and context-building so it would be hard to speed things up too much without causing an info-dump! I definitely think you have return value, as I personally would want to read on (even though it’s not normally my type of story).


#241

Done! Such an interesting idea (one that I will keep reading about… if it’s a romance hahaha). I actually really liked your writing, however I did struggle to connect (or feel) the MC during the chapter!