Brooke's Comment Spam (Closed for catchup )

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critiques

#302

I saw your new cover in my library this morning and giiiiiiiirl I LOVE IT idk why it caught my attention and I fucking smiled. Legit, I love this new one.

Glad you liked my review!


#303

FORM :

Title: We Were Blue

Genre: Teen fiction

Blurb: Going into senior year Felicity knows one thing for certain- heartbreak can ruin a person. A year has passed since her ex boyfriend Damon Caldwell left for Spain without a single goodbye and she’s finally starting to learn how to live without him, that is until he returns out of nowhere.

With him comes all the pain Felicity has so desperately tried to shut out. But he’s not the only one back, His twin brother Roman is back too, and he’s nothing like the 14 year old boy that left for boarding school freshman year, in fact he might be the one person who knows the truth about everything that happened between felicity and his brother.

Soon felicity learns Damon isn’t the same boy who left her, he has secrets and Spanish shadow stalking his every movement. Danger seems to haunt him and everyone he loves causing him to push Felicity away everytime she tries to get close.

She knows she has a choice to make: love Damon and risk the chance of danger, or let him go.

At least she thinks those are her only options yet she’s about to find out it’s a whole lot more complicated.

Payment Completed: followed :slight_smile:

Are you looking for feedback on something specific? nope not really just need some opinions and feedback


#304

Done! Really interesting opening and a nice idea. I can’t believe it’s a short story - it feels like you could have a fully-fleshed novel from it! Can’t wait to see where you take it.


#305

Done! This was really interesting opening, but I definitely wish there were more details on her emotions in the form of actual feelings, instead of being told. Overall a nice idea with a clear stage set!


#306

Title: The Adventures of Beatrice Bloom
Genre: Adventure
Blurb: Beatrice Bloom is the only lost girl on Neverland. She is also the only person who can save Peter Pan; however, she is the only lost child of Neverland that can’t fly. Her happy thoughts aren’t that happy, and her only friend is a pixie with no pixie dust. Now, how is she supposed to save Peter and Tinker Bell?
Payment Completed: Permanent Follow
Are you looking for feedback on something specific? I’m looking for cohesion and if anything confusing.


#307

Idk this sounded like the ULTIMATE seal of approval. Thank you! and for calling me out for it, I know I would’ve taken 209 years to fix it otherwise.


#308

Thank you so much! I will defiantly work on that and work on showing rather then telling. All of your comments are super helpful! (:


#309

Title: A Hollowed Heart
Genre: Fantasy/Fanfic
Blurb: Tensions are rising within the forest between the three Clans. FogClan and PineClan are at each other’s throats over a piece of territory, and MarchClan is sitting by idly. After an unusually long leafbare and an uncharacteristically cold newleaf, everyone is on edge. Battles between FogClan and PineClan are becoming more frequent, more deadly. The last thing anyone needs is a dark and foreboding prophecy hanging over their heads, let alone one that makes no sense. Unable to decipher the message from their ancestors, Lilystar is left wondering how to protect FogClan from an unknown danger, unaware that one cat, one mistake, could tear them apart. How hollowed can a heart get?
Payment Completed: I will follow you and get to reading ASAP!
Are you looking for feedback on something specific? Feedback or editing. If this isn’t something that is really your cup of tea, I have a short story instead :sweat_smile:


#310

Done! Honestly, I couldn’t really help a lot because your writing was 100% lit. However, I gave my opinion on the MC’s feelings and why I wouldn’t read on from there. Your characterisation was amazing and the self-reflections you included were great.


#311

Thank you so much!!


#312

Thanks I try to implement corrections, especially in translations, as they are not accurate, which certainly misleads and a little confusion of the reader. Thank you for your sincere and important advice


#313

Title: Mirror Me (Mirror Me Series Book 1)
Genre: YA Fantasy
Blurb: Living in a home where mirrors are forbidden and a glance in one could bring disaster, Hope Martinez has found her life to be filled with questions. Struggling to survive as a Latina family in South Texas, Hope never believed her family was anything special that is until her family’s mysterious power awakes within her. For three long years she has promised her mother to avoid mirrors fearful of the consequences. Now at sixteen, Hope learns she has a terrible destiny. Hope is to destroy the world.

One day, after a fight with her mother Hope breaks her promise and glances into a mirror. She slips through the glass into an alternate world where she meets her reflection, a boy named Owen. His thievery has gotten him into a deadly chase with the Half-Life, Desire, one of ten cursed humans who lack reflections and claim incredible power. The two escape and are thrust into a war between three rival kingdoms.

Hope’s arrival, though once a blessing, has brought a devastating prophecy into action. Hope learns she is a Mirrorbender, part of a great family whose power to manipulate reflections allows them to see the future, heal the sick, and alter the balance of magic. The ten Half-Lives have sought to tip that balance in their favor and after generations of waiting a Mirrorbender has come again. With her family exposed, a war brewing, and all life at stake, Hope must choose: accept her destiny or fight an impossible unchanging fate.

Payment Completed: Follow and interested in giving your books a read.
What I’m looking for? Just your honest opinion on what you liked and didn’t like and if you would read on? I’m sending it out to literary agents so the first few chapters are the most important at leaving an impression. Thank you!


#314

Hi! Thank you so much for all of the comments and critiques, I really, really appreciate it!! They were all super helpful or funny and thanks again for taking the time to do that!

You were totally spot on with one of your comments on Jay, he’s more of a projection of Elise’s own personality that she has manifested into some male figure (he’s kinda taking on Jeremy’s role since he’s kind of ditched her in a sense) but yes! I definitely want to make this distinction and concept more clear !


#315

Title: When I Sleep…I Dream of Mars
Genre: Romance/Fiction
Blurb: Rayne wakes up in a strange room. She doesn’t remember anything about her life. She doesn’t even remember her boyfriend. Will she be able to love him after forgetting everything about him?
Payment completed: YES

I’m looking for feedback on how realistic my story seems. I also hope that it’s enjoyable (I’m an amateur so brace yourself). Thanks!!


#316

Title: Sweet on You
Genre: New Adult Contemporary (chicklit on wattpad)
Blurb: Tori Lynn has one dream - to grow her sweets shop into a New York dessert landmark. She expects there to be competition, mischief, and hard work when opening up a store front. What Tori doesn’t expect is to join the ranks of the nation’s top bakers in a televised competition. There is much more at stake when faced with a camera, crew, and drama-hungry producers. Will Tori prevail and gain worldwide popularity for her business, or will the spectacle of televised rivalry and love overcome her?
Payment Completed: I am going to comment tonight on your books because I already follow you:)
Are you looking for feedback on something specific? Everything! I am reworking this entire story and I need all the feedback I can get! I feel that there’s not enough risk for the main character and that my side characters aren’t interesting enough. And I feel that my main character’s anxiety disorder can come off as annoying to some readers. Please let me know your thoughts!


#317

Done! Such a fun read, even though Peter Pan isn’t normally my thing! Your descriptions were on point, and it’s my first time reading an omniscient first-person story on Wattpad! Well done :slight_smile:


#318

Done! I never even knew what Warrior Cats was but you introduced me! I’ve learnt about a new fandom lmao.

Your writing was literally so good :ok_hand: Way better than most fanfic stuff I read! I couldn’t point much out, but it was a fun read even for someone who doesn’t know the world. Great job!


#319

Done! A fun read, albeit a lot shorter than I expected. I actually wonder why the prologue is not part of chapter one, as it feels like they could be joined together to create a great, longer chapter.

Anyways, I didn’t find any issues apart from dialogue stuff in your writing, so that’s saying something! I love the idea a lot and think you have an awesome way of writing, adding enough details to add the scene but selectively choosing the most mundane things to add to the tension (like the bug zapper)!

I think you need to work on your blurb, as I feel it gives a lot of the story away - reflection called OWEN??? I need to learn about that in the book, not in the blurb!!! (that’s my personal opinion anyway)


#320

Title: Escaping From them
Genre: Fantasy
Blurb: Katrina Turner’s life changed for the worst. She learns that she can’t trust anyone anymore. She learns many things that change her life completely. One night makes her life takes a complete 180…The night of the annual mating run. After learning that her friends are a part of this evil plan, she makes one of her own to escape. During the mating run, she escapes the werewolves… By falling off a cliff. She falls into a handful of comas and has new experiences. What happens when she wakes up? Will she wake up? What will happen if she wakes up?
Payment completed?: Yes
Anything specific?: Don’t focus on grammar if possible

Thanks! :grinning:


#321

Thank you again for all your great suggestions. I got a lot of good advice. Many changes ahead.