Brooke's Comment Spam (Closed for catchup )

writing
feedback-offered
critiques

#142

Done! Really interesting premise! I think you have a nice, unique plot on your hands.


#143

Thank you for your time :heart: Your feedback really helps me to realize what I have to do with the chapter :grin:


#144

Done! Wow, you are literally amazing at descriptions. Reminds me of that one chapter in one of the game of thrones books which is literally just descriptions of food lol.


#145

thank you, and thank you for your feedback, I shall be editing the chapters shortly.


#146

Done! There wasn’t a lot to say except the chapters are too short and I want the plot to move a bit slower! Overall, really nice writing and a great story idea (which I have added to my reading list! I love tradgic loves)


#147

Accepted! Don’t forget to follow or comment on one of my books :slight_smile: Working on yours now!


#148

Oh good to know! Thank you so much for your comments! I was worried it was dragging for a bit there, so glad to know you didn’t think so. I love short chapters when I’m reading, lol, so sorry about that (I have a bunch of small children, so I never get long periods of time to read)!

thanks again!


#149

Done! Really interesting premise with great dialogue and characterisation. Loved it!


#150

Done! Wish I could help more but you have a really nice writing style already and great characterisation!


#151

Will do the payment now! :slight_smile:


#152

Done! Such a unique plot and you have great writing :smiley: Can’t wait to see where you take it!


#153

Thank you so much for doing this!

Title: Oliver and Bracket

Genre: Science Fiction

Blurb: An android with abandonment issues and a sociopathic human reluctantly team together. With the world around them falling into disarray they only have each other.

Payment Completed: Permanent follow but I’m also going to look into ‘Antihero’ BC I love philosophical hero stories haha

Are you looking for feedback on something specific?

Nothing in specific, but I am trying to make my writing more professional! Even if you could suggest things to change in my ‘blurb’ I would appreciate it - I have a habit of keeping my style too lax!


#154

Thank you so much! I greatly appreciate it.


#155

Done! Such a great, unique idea! I did struggle remembering the names ;-; but that’s on me, not you. I can definitely see why you have such a dedicated fan base!


#156

wow so as you will see from my comment I was super pleasantly surprised by how much I loved it. Did not expect to love it as much as I did. Definitely a must read for everyone! Totally reminds me of something I could see published as a great YA novel.


#157

@BrookeKuipers Can you please review my book?
Title: So You Want To Play In Hollywood?
Genre: Young Adult Contemporary Fiction
Short Description:

Dear Diary,
After writing in you for 15 years, I have decided to publish my entries online. My 16-year old self would reprimand me for revealing all the secrets and complaints that were meant to be buried in my grave. But reading you now at 41, I realize that you hold so much more. To you newbies who are about to enter dangerous territory, beware that this is going to be one hell of a ride for you and me. A story about how a bitchy, snarky teenager turned into an Academy Award winning director lies before you. This is my story, and it isn’t a fairy tale.

Best Regards,
Hayley Andrews

Payment Completed: Yes
Please focus on how relatable the entries are to most teens, the quality of the descriptions, the flow, and the plot. Please keep in mind that this is the diary of a 16-year-old. The word choice and style were chosen to match with the age and mindset.


#158

I would love some feedback on my story! :slight_smile:

Title: Sirius Divided
Genre: Science Fiction

Blurb: Cassandra Flanagan has just been given the unwinnable assignment. An officer in His Majesty’s Royal Armed Space Forces of the Star Commonwealth, and a self-professed “accidental” noblewoman, Cassandra has gathered more than her share of enemies. Foremost among them is the man who sits upon the Commonwealth’s throne, King Mahomet. Eager to get her out of the way of his son’s succession, he sends Cassandra to the Azagnani Sector; a hotbed of separatist movements, with virtually no support, and orders to strike first. While he believes Cassandra’s failure to be all but assured, he hasn’t accounted for two things: Cassandra’s determination; and her young niece Salibelle, a freshly-commissioned Intelligence officer. Together, Cassandra and Sallibelle must piece together clues that will link the Azagnani separatists to Azagnani’s most prominent noble, Otto von Brauneis. However, when those clues suggest a connection deep inside the Solar Empire … the enemy of the Commonwealth and all other free star nations; Cassandra and Sallibelle find themselves in a high-stakes game of life or death.

Payment Completed: Yes!

Are you looking for feedback on something specific? Any plot/characterization/flow feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks!


#159

Thank you so much :blush:


#160

Hi Brooke,

I’m currently following you.

Username: @rhythmchyc
title: Perchance to Dream
URL: https://my.w.tt/N95X0hnulR
Chapters/parts for this request: first 3 (subtitled FOR REVIEW)
Genre: thriller/romance

Summary:

Hot-tempered college junior Katherine Miller strives for an award-winning career in journalism. When she attends an Off-Broadway production of Hamlet on assignment, she meets her dream guy. The lead actor intoxicates, inspires, and confounds her all at once. After an illuminating private encounter, he leaves her with cryptic obligations and nothing but his name: Nicholas Phillips.

Type(s) of feedback requested: show vs tell, main character likability, originality, writing style

Please confirm acceptance.


#161

Title: Incandescent
Genre: Romance
Blurb: Hazel Martin and Aston Kennedy had been childhood best friends. They spent all their time together and were inseparable until something happened that turned Ashton’s life completely upside down.

Now Ashton is a successful lawyer in London and Hazel is the owner of one of the best restaurants in LA, and they haven’t spoken to each other in 10 long years.

What happens when Ashton comes back to LA after all these years? Has he forgiven Hazel for what she did to him or is that it for their friendship?

Payment Completed:Permanent follow
Are you looking for feedback on something specific?: No, just a general review on my book, with any constructive advice etc

Thanks!