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#162

Title: The Lost Princess
Genre: YA / Science Fiction
Blurb:

Kill or be killed. Only one will survive the battle royale to be the Heir.

They call me the Lost Princess who returned.

I was a starving Commoner living in the squalor of the Reservation. All I wanted was freedom. Instead I was hunted down like an animal by the Nobles and taken to the Citadel. My world shattered when they told me who I really was. My whole life was a lie. I am not a Commoner. My mother was an elite Noble who fled the Palace to give birth to me.

Now I have to compete in a deadly game of survival in the Labyrinth with my royal siblings in a fight for the throne. The rules are simple. Kill or be killed. Only one person survives to be the Royal Heir.

Can I do it?

Can I kill my own brothers and sisters in cold blood to save myself?

Payment Completed: Yes, I have followed you!

Are you looking for feedback on something specific? Anything you think is bad about the story? Did you lose interest or get bored with the story?

Thank you so much!


#163

Title: Endure
Genre: Romance/General Fiction
Blurb: From a young age, Victoria Sawyer believed her dreams were a sign from the universe and since then, she never let one pass by without being written down in her journal.

One dream, in particular, left her undeniably sure that she’s supposed to be with a man with the bluest, oceanic eyes, named Atlas.

When she realizes, however, that her marriage with Atlas Callaghan is over, she promises to herself to stay away from any man named Atlas, thinking that her dreams may have perhaps portrayed the man she should avoid eternally.

Moving back home to North Carolina is the only shot she has for a new beginning. But she never thought she would be going back with her five-year-old daughter in hand, her heart broken, and the burning desire to fall for the father of one of her students, when she shouldn’t. His name is Telamon Bolt so what could go wrong if his name isn’t Atlas?

Is moving back home to North Carolina the right thing to do for her daughter? Can she escape her past by ignoring her heart? Can she let herself fall in love once more with the risk of earning another heartbreak?

Victoria can’t know for sure. But she does it anyway.

Payment Completed: yes, a perm follow
Are you looking for feedback on something specific? nope


#164

Done! I think you have a super interesting idea but I am struggling to see how you are going to portray a gripping story through diary format. I love your writing which is realistic and your MC is great! Your writing is clear and has few mistakes :smiley:


#165

Done! I wish I could have helped more but I felt like there wasn’t much to say. I did get a bit confused as there was a lot of information to try and retain but, with a story like yours, it’s hard to introduce it slowly. Especially if you are not writing in first person. I definitely think your MC could use a bit more characterisation as sometimes she lacked compared to the General and Uzziah!


#166

Done! I only did one chapter, however. I really enjoyed the thin line you drew between love and addiction and I fell in love with the same man as your MC lol. He sounds gorgeous. Great descriptions!


#167

Thank you! Yes, he’s gorgeous indeed!


#168

Done! Such a nice idea and can’t wait to see how it goes! I love that your characters are unique and the plot is fresh.


#169

Thank you! I’ll keep all your advice in mind in the future chapters :slight_smile:


#170

Are you still accepting submissions??


#171

Thank you! I found that your feedback was incredibly helpful!


#172

FORM :
Title: Finding Grace
Genre: Fantasy
Blurb:

“Now, Miss Grace” Lucifer grumbled, placing his forehead on mine, “You will be staying here until I figure out why the hell I cannot drink your blood.” His fingers playfully danced down the small of my neck. He smirked and whispered even softer, “It would be a shame to have to kill such a beautiful creature.”

With that, he turned around and walked towards the door. “Oh, and, Miss Grace?” He asked, not turning around. “Please do call me Luc.”

                                  ***

Lucifer: the infamous fallen angel, the leader of the damned and the unwanted. He has lived for thousands of years reeking havoc on human kind, ruling a kingdom of darkness, of death and of destruction. He has never loved anything or anyone. Hell, no one believes he is even capable of an emotion such as love.

Will a two-thousand year old prophecy come to pass that Lucifer would one day find grace through the love of a young woman? This is a story of war, of love, and most importantly… a story of redemption.

This is how Lucifer found Grace.
Payment Completed: Will read and permanently follow. :slight_smile: I’m about to put my son to bed, so I’ll check out your stories after that!
Are you looking for feedback on something specific? Honestly, everything? Plot? Characters? I’m afraid I’m not really talented enough to write and actually post them, but I figured I might as well try.


#173

Yes i am! I have two people in queue currently.


#174

Done! Interesting first chapter which did keep my attention but I think the ‘cliff hanger’ ending needs a little bit of work. Nice writing and you have a clear idea of your characters! Check out my comments for more feedback.


#175

Thank you!

Title: The Girl Who Couldn’t Fly
Genre: Teen/LGBT+
Summary:When Charlie is caught kissing the country’s beloved young star, Alexis. Their worlds get tipped upside down.
A teen romance novel about two girls who love each other but that may not be enough.
Payment: completed - permanent follow and will read your books.


#176

Hi, I had requested for a critique from Brooke on my story and I just want to say Brooke did a wonderful job. She had spent a lot of time and effort dissecting my chapter, giving feedback on how she felt as a reader and she pointed out grammar and sentence structure issues as well. Her comments were honest and to the point. It was exactly what I needed to hear as a writer.

I just want to say a big thank you for your time and effort! I really appreciate it! :smiley:


#177

Done! Such an interesting idea that i haven’t seen before! Can’t wait to see what you do with it!


#178

Thank you for your kind words!


#179

@BrookeKuipers Hey, my book is marked under Horror, but the first chapter reads entirely like teen fic? Would it be okay for me to fill out the form? No worries if not!


#180

Yeah! No worries :slight_smile:


#181

Hey there! Done! I hate hearing people say they are worried they’re not ‘talented’ enough to post their writing. Honestly? Writing is just like drawing; some people may have a natural tendency to be a bit better than others but, ultimately, they are both learned skills.

Just the fact that you are writing and posting is awesome! Everyone gets better with time and I am pretty sure you will struggle to find a write who says that their book was great (or good, even). Most of the time writers end up hating their first, second, third, and fiftieth books because they feel like the writing isn’t up to their current standards!

Now, as for your book, I really love the premise! (I myself am writing a biblical romance too lol but not about Lucifer… or is it? I haven’t told anyone haha). Your writing does need a bit of work here and there, but it’s by no means bad! You just need to give it an edit and think about what is essential to the plot and you’re good to go!

Remember: the first draft is always the worst - the story can only improve!

So, don’t get yourself down by thinking you’re not good enough. Hell, no one is ever good enough. It’s an imperfect art form which is constantly evolving and needing revision.