Brutally Honest Reviews | 03 | Extract Edition | READ THE FIRST POST BEFORE POSTING

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#21

Why do you think mockery is amusing? It’s not. This is a tread made to poke at writing, not the writers.


#22

This is a pointless discussion though, :roll_eyes: so let’s just drop it, the thread needs to be clear for it’s true purpose anyway. A person and their writing are the same thing, a writer feels his writing’s feelings.

That’s my tested opinion.


#23

Not so. You seem to do so, but to be honest I don’t, and most people who come here don’t. I haven’t ever seen someone get so defensive on this thread as you, no offence.

Just out of curiosity, how long have you been writing?

(we can take this to PM too, if you want)


#24

I never once said I took offence, also what? Lol no, you’re so in over your head with info you have no clue about. I’m not some kind of specially made human to be one of a kind, a lot of people carry their writings close to themselves.

That doesn’t mean I’m offended either. Despite the fact that I am, i have taken many bad reviews, quite frankly some people come in here to trash talk and do style pushing. I don’t believe in style pushing, if you push your wring style on me I will become agitated and hit you with the next thing that comes to mind.

Note that there is a difference between being brutally honest and being brutally vain. Just that there’s no rule against that here, but that’ll never stop me from brutally putting someone back in their place. In keeping with the rules again as well.

I’ve been writing seriously for 6 months, minus those hiatus months. I’d call it 25 weeks.s

EDIT: Typos


#25

I never said you were one of a kind, and I know many writers treat their writing like a child. However, these are mostly new writers who can’t take any criticism. You say that you didn’t take any offence, but so far you have directed many “negative” words towards me personally, which I haven’t done in return. I in fact made it a point to state two times in my original review which stated that I do not sugarcoat anything in my critiques and that you might be offended. If you hold your writing close to you, then by your logic then you would have been offended by my review.

I don’t completely understand whether you’re accusing me of forcing my style onto you, but if you think that, you should know that it was not my intention. I only pointed out flaws in your writing style that I did not like as a reader.

Now, this is something sensitive as it is directed towards you, but I feel as if it must be said. If you’ve only been writing for 6 months, it’s my opinion that you shouldn’t act so… protective, I believe it’s the term, of your writing. Take criticism from more experienced writers because to be frank, there wasn’t anything in any critique, including mine, that could do you any harm. I merely pointed out all the places where I saw flaws, and then it is up to you if you want to change it or not. I do no care about what you do with your writing after I’ve reviewed it here. It’s not my piece, it’s yours. You asked for opinions, you got mine, so please don’t be so rude about it.

EDIT: Last excerpt is in post #19


#26

Thank you for your input. I didn’t realize it was that horrible O.O. Welp, scrap that scene and back to the drawing board.


#27

Alright,

T H R E A D O V E R H A U L

@Bubbulze All critique, regardless of whether it’s supposed to be blunt or not, should contain some positives. It’s proper critiquing style.

@LxOxGxIxA Although I can see why you’re annoyed, I won’t tolerate further derailing of this thread. Please desist. Also, refer to the above, and don’t revenge rate.


LAST EXTRACT: #19


#28

A N O U N C E M E N T

Please check post #1 and have your say. It’s something I’ve been debating for a while now.


LAST EXTRACT: #19


#29

Did you read mine of it?

Also to the general public, I’d like to make it clear that I do not do revenge reviews and thus do NOT post dishonest opinions. Whatever I post is real.

So to you Cai, please remove that slandery of my name concerning revenge posting. I don’t do that, the review was 100% honest.


#30

Oh dear, this got wildly messy. Regardless, let’s dive in.

On the whole I’m going to rate this 4/10. I hate giving arbitrary number scores but this is my rating. Take it, leave here if you want.

This is the rest of the feedback.

Many stories were passed down and throughout families. All of which was to explain why the earth is no longer as it used to be and why it was split into three. If one was to be blamed, there would be no way to discern an individual or a group of persons. The earth was split into three by greed itself. By something, they say, only humans could have done.

Welcome to a world of Magic, Gods and Goddesses; a world where soul eating beasts terrorize the land. Mythical and never before seen beasts roam corners of Brostaros while feats of man prevail to amaze, But our story doesn’t start there. Logan’s story begins right… here, in the backwaters of Ophisteros.

So this segment here does basically one of the cardinal sins of “prologues” and that is basically giving us a mini history lesson. That’s not what prologues are supposed to do. I’m going to echo the suggestion to take this out. I can tell you’re attached to it, but it’s literally an infodump and that is not what a prologue is supposed to be.

A silky-brown haired boy lead his friend up a grassy hill with light feet and a wide grin on his face, his eyes sought for nothing but mischief and freedom.

This sentence runs on. Also, silky and brown are fine descriptors, however, not one that works attached to each other? Like chestnut brown is fine, and silky, brown hair works, but silky-brown isn’t… really a color?

Also, led, not lead.

Mickel straggled along breathlessly as his spiky blue hair blew in the wind, and he winced his azure eyes. “I’m coming… ugh, why do you have to run so fast Logan?”

A few things.

-Straggled is an interesting word choice. It’s fine, but just a bit… weird?
-“straggled along, breathless” would be a lot better than “straggled along breathlessly”.
-This sentence has a LOT of adjectives. Maybe save a couple for later. Do we need to know his eyes are blue right now? Probably not.
-It might be better to leave the dialogue just at “why do you have to run so fast?”

“I dunno, *my mom* said i’m just *special* , bleh!” He said as he turned his head,

Why is “my mom” emphasized here? Don’t really see a reason why it should be. Also, there’s a needless space between “special” and the comma. Take the space out. Also, the “he” in “he said” shouldn’t be capitalized.

Logan raised his bushy brows and gave his friend a mocking, cynical smile.

Should be joined to the paragraph before it.

“No… Keep going… I’ll keep up i’ll s-show you!” Mickel sobbed, as he pushed his little legs even further.

There’s an “I” here that isn’t capitalized and it needs to be. Also, probs a comma between “up” and “I’ll”. Also, is Mickel literally sobbing? Otherwise, I would pick a different tag here. Or just stick with said. Don’t need the comma before “as”, either.

As the scenery scrolled down they were almost back to town now, the trees nearby were broken and shattered somehow.

The trees here seem important but we kinda… gloss over them? Why?

The brown haired sprinter looked around to his friend, ignoring his warning, smiling as usual “Did you stop crying already? Thank goodness, you’re finally learning.”

We already know their names, so it’s kinda pointless to drop back into using epithets. Just say his name. It’s quicker. Also, he’s a dick.

“… you know what Mickel?”

“What?..”

“I’m glad you’re my best friend…” he grinned.

This exchange comes ENTIRELY out of left field here. Build a stronger transition to this or take it out. Also, you can’t “grin” a sentence so capitalize the “He”.

The easily upset boy locked into his friend’s smile as they ran, wondering how they even became friends in the first place.

That thing I said about epithets? Well. That.

Suddenly Logan’s feet flew off the ground as he spun over into the air, in his distraction a large rock had caught onto his foot and sent him tumbling down the hill.

I almost never ever say this, but use a semicolon here instead of a comma. This is a time where a semicolon is actually needed.

“Logan, you have to stop rolling!” Mickel shouted, trying to get close enough to somehow stop his fall. The boy tried but his friend’s speed would only increase as the hill steepened.

Do these kids not know how inertia and the laws of motion work lmao. This isn’t a critique this is just me as a general reader saying that Mickel in this instance is an idiot.

The blue haired boy angrily shouted out, worried to death over his friend. “I told you to be careful!”

“worried to death over his friend” is telling and also it’s redundant. We already know he’s worried. You don’t need to tell us it again.

The little brunette tumbled and tumbled down the hill, being thrown up into the air occasionally as he rammed into other rocks, his friend ran desperately trying to somehow get to the bottom before him.

Gotta go fast…

In all seriousness, that thing I said about epithets. AGAIN. Also, while I really hate saying this, “brunette” refers to WOMEN with brown hair. Logan and Mickel are men, if I am not mistaken. Therefor, if you are dead insistent on using an epithet here, it should be “brunet”

As blood poured from his mouth Logan stared at the wood that impaled him, *“… I’m… d-dying.”*

So now we see the significance of the trees. However, I must say, this death seems entirely too convenient and I’m not really buying it.

Mickel stared blankly with his widened eyes as he fell to his dirty knees and his forehead met his hands, “No… i-it’s not real!”

You know that thing I said about too many adjectives at once? That.

“T-t-this is a b-bad dream, it’s a bad dream!” He winced.

Who is “he” here?

In that moment, every light faded to nothing, and Logan’s golden eyes turned slowly to Mickel.

This is a rare moment where I would say be more descriptive. The lights just around Logan, or literally every single light in their direct vicinity?

On the whole, there is a LOT of issues to sift through here that are impacting your prose. I’ve highlighted a lot of major ones for you. You are good at letting their personality show through in their actions, which is a plus. The negative to this is I just don’t like Logan’s personality and honestly? Kinda glad he got impaled.


#31
"What is it that is making you sad?"

“I…” She rubbed her nose with her sleeve. “I don’t know anymore.”

Luriel gave her a wan smile. “Was it Elrai?”

“No… Yes. I don’t know.” Sniffling, she played with her fingers. “I guess in part.”

“Why?”

Dakota paused. Every response she could think up crumbled and turned to dust. Did she even have one?

“It’s… it’s that… I have a very important role to fulfill. And yet, not many find me capable of doing it.”

“So?”

She grew deathly still, moving only her eyes. Luriel’s gaze lacked emotion.

“I do not know what you mean,” she replied at last.

“What does it matter if they do not approve? No one is you. They do not know you and they are not who chose you.”

On instinct, she touched the spot over her heart. “Doesn’t make it hurt any less.”

“Heartache is a minor inconvenience, as is sadness. Both pass. You move on.” Luriel set his cup down. “Regardless… the doubt of your people is a tough burden to bear - but you must learn to bear it. You will not venture far in the world if you do not learn to carry the weight of your past.” He shuffled papers around and frowned. “You especially carry a past hard to swallow. But you must try.”

Dakota scratched the inside of her arm. There was nothing she could think of to say.

“Now, tell me. Did Elrai’s words make you angry?”

She nodded without hesitation.

“Interesting.” Luriel rolled up his trailing sleeves, exposing a network of gold veins across his skin. Sigils. They flashed in the light.

“I-is it bad that it makes me angry?”

“No, child.” As he spoke, his fingers trailed over his sigils. Embers sprang to life under his touch. “But it is a good place to start.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

Luriel snapped his fingers and a fireball the size of his fist flared in the palm of his hand. Gold tongues of flame licked the air around them. Dakota pinned herself to the back of her chair.


#32

But Logan is me ;-; lol, jk he’s not me.

You have revealed many things to me… thing’s no one has said before. For that thanks, I never actually considered the brunette thing. I’m not sure why I ended up hung up on epithets, but It was probably my solution to someone telling me I used he and <person’s name> too much. thanks for telling me otherwise, they are very inconvenient to write.

I can’t reply to everything :smile: But know that it’s all really helpful, I’m not sure what to do with the first two paragraphs anymore though :frowning:

One last thing though, does it help that the fact that he’s cursed comes up later? With the convenient death thing? Or does it ruin it to the point that you would never read far enough to find out?


#33

I mean the fact he dies and is cursed is fine, I just think the WAY he dies is a bit too convenient. Rolls down a hill, hits a boulder right enough for him to fly in the air and get impaled? Seems way too unlikely to me.

Glad to be of service :v:


#34

Argh, okay, boulder physics is off the charts :skull:


#35

Is it bad that I can’t really find anything wrong with this? Hmm

I do have a problem with the organization though, I was of the impression that carrying more than two dialogues in one paragraph is cluttered. I felt that way with this paragraph:

“Heartache is a minor inconvenience, as is sadness. Both pass. You move on.” Luriel set his cup down. “Regardless… the doubt of your people is a tough burden to bear - but you must learn to bear it. You will not venture far in the world if you do not learn to carry the weight of your past.” He shuffled papers around and frowned. “You especially carry a past hard to swallow. But you must try.”

I also think it would be better here for you to say “Gold tongues of flame licked the air around it.” Instead of “around them”.

Luriel snapped his fingers and a fireball the size of his fist flared in the palm of his hand. Gold tongues of flame licked the air around them.

I get the emotions of the girl, I can see that Luriel is emotionless for some reason, he talks like a robot or something. Not sure why he’s scaring her with a fireball at the end though, but since he seems so computing I bet he has some kind of metaphor/anecdote advice lol. I wish you never said his gaze lacked emotion though, Like I would have said it was blank and let the reader get the details for emotionlessness down the line.

She grew deathly still, moving only her eyes. Luriel’s gaze lacked emotion.

My last mention is that for some reason the cup he set down hinged on my attention, placement I guess. I kept seeing the cup on a table throughout the rest of the table :confused: Was very distracting somehow. (Smh, see what I mean, I said table instead of excerpt. Maybe I’m just retarded lol)

So like… 8/10 I guess.

The Edited Prologue: If I made any more typos don’t worry my editor will get them.

A boy with brown, silky hair led his friend up a grassy hill. He did so with light feet and a wide grin on his face, his eyes sought for nothing but mischief and freedom. "Come on Mickel, we gotta get home before your parents get mad!" he laughed.

Mickel straggled along breathlessly as his spiky blue hair blew in the wind, and he winced his round azure eyes. “I’m coming… ugh, why do you have to run so fast Logan?”

“I dunno, my mom said i’m just special , bleh!” He said as he turned his head, dragging an eyelid down and sticking his tongue out at his companion. “But don’t worry… I’ll slow down if you want me to.” Logan raised his bushy brows and gave his friend a mocking, cynical smile.

“No… Keep going… I’ll keep, up i’ll s-show you!” Mickel sobbed, as he pushed his little legs even further.

Logan already knew what was happening “Are you crying again?” He asked as they shot down a steep portion of the hill.

As the scenery scrolled down they were almost back to town now, the scattered trees inhabiting the area became more spread out and the sound of clattering shoes gained frequency.

“Wait, Logan, mom said… to be careful… when we run around here,” huffed Mickel, his eyebrows arched upwards with a worried frown on his face. “You shouldn’t run down the hill it’s too rocky.”

Logan looked around to his friend, ignoring his warning, smiling as usual. “Did you stop crying already? Thank goodness, you’re finally learning.”

“T-there’s nothing wrong with crying, my mom said real men aren’t afraid to cry…” he replied adamantly.

“… you know what Mickel?”

“What?..”

“You’re fun.” He grinned.

Mickel locked into his friend’s grin as he sniffled, wondering how they even became friends in the first place.

Suddenly Logan’s feet flew off the ground as he spun over into the air; in his distraction a large rock had caught onto his foot. “Woah!” He shouted, tumbling down as he did.

“Logan!” Mickel shouted, trying to get close enough to somehow stop his fall. The boy tried but his friend’s speed would only increase as the hill steepened. “You have to… slow down!”

“I… can’t!” He shouted, unable to do anything about it. “Mickel… help me!”

Mickel shouted out angrily, “I told you to be careful!”

Logan tumbled down the hill, being bumped up into the air occasionally as he rammed into other rocks, his friend ran desperately trying to somehow get to the bottom before him.

“Logan! I’ll help you… I can make it on time” he thought as he winced, running as fast as he could. His efforts began to pay off as he approached his friend and held out his hand, “Grab on to me quick!”

“I’m… trying,” Logan shouted, trying to somehow latch onto his friends fingers. They reached towards each other repeatedly as the environment became nothing but a blur, but they simply slipped away each time.

In Mickel’s desperate attempt at rescue he fell over on his face, and bundled into Logan’s tumble. “Ah!”

The two uncontrollably spread apart from each other as they approached the foot of the hill, Logan slammed into the trunk of a tree, sending a tremor up it’s trunk while Mickel came to a safe halt in the grass.

Logan writhed in pain at the base of the tree as he winced, “Agh! My arm… my arms hurts!”

Slowly, a dizzy Mickel got himself back up to his feet and looked for Logan. “I’m coming!” He said as he ran between the trees, until he found him.

As his friend approached, Logan responded to his call watching him with his tear fogged vision. “Mickel, I’m over here…” he grunted, pushing back his tears as he did.

“Are you okay?” he asked frantically.

As the pain increase Logan could no longer hold back his tears. “I think… I broke it” he sobbed, holding his right shoulder as he did.

Mickel knelt down and looked at his arm, his eyes widened as he saw the pulverized flesh where his friend’s arm bent backwards slightly. He quickly ran over to another tree and puked, “Ugh…”

“Mickel… take me to mom… please!” he begged.

Mickel came back to him after wiping his mouth and stooped down again. “I will, but… how am I gonna carry you… I’m not strong like you.”

Logan stared up into the sky as his friend hung over him, something brown was there, but he couldn’t quite see what it was. Suddenly his eyes widened.

“Logan what is it?”

With the last ounce of strength he had Logan tensed his left arm and pushed Mickel away by the chest. Right after he did, the falling branch stuck him in the stomach.

“Logan!”

"Aghh!"

Logan screamed out as he grabbed onto the piece of wood that impaled him. He cried out desperately, only to have his screams muffled by gargling on his own blood and bile. “It… hurts!”

Mickel stared on with widened eyes, “W-what’s going on… what just happened!” He ran over to Logan recklessly and fell to his knees in tears “Logan! Logan! Talk to me please!”

His grip on the branch weakened as him arm fell to his side.

“No! Stop… don’t go you have to tell me what to do!” he cried. “No… you can’t go…”

Suddenly, a dark aura blasted out from within Logan and swirled around him, pushing Mickel away.

“W-what’s going on?” Mickel shouted as he fell backwards and landed on his back. “Logan! What’s happening”

A voice spoke to Logan as his eyes fell shut, with a sinister objective.

"Kill Everything! Kill Everyone!"

"KILL… KILL… KILL THEM! BEFORE THEY KILL US…"

Logan’s eyes reopened, flashing between purple and gold as pitch black tears flooded them. He screamed a bloody scream as he grabbed onto the branch. "KILLLL IIIIIIT!"

In that moment, the very light from their surroundings faded into darkness, and Logan’s widened golden eyes turned slowly to Mickel with a sick smile.

"FEAR… HUNGER!"


#36
I do have a problem with the organization though, I was of the impression that carrying more than two dialogues in one paragraph is cluttered. I felt that way with this paragraph:

Ah yeah that makes sense. I’ll probs take out the second action considering the papers literally never show up again.

I also think it would be better here for you to say “Gold tongues of flame licked the air around it.” Instead of “around them”.

As there are multiple “tongues”, all licking, “them” works better here because of the plurality.

I get the emotions of the girl, I can see that Luriel is emotionless for some reason, he talks like a robot or something. Not sure why he’s scaring her with a fireball at the end though, but since he seems so computing I bet he has some kind of metaphor/anecdote advice lol.

Luriel’s not a robot, he’s just like… counts on fingers a little under 900 years old. He’s ANCIENT. He uh. Isn’t quite up to speed on current linguistical trends, considering they’ve evolved a bit too fast, so he talks in a more formal manner.
He’s also not trying to scare her - a lot of context is missing lol. It’s true Dakota is a major pyro-phobe, however because of the nature of her race and also her job, it’s VERY bad that she is. Luriel is, as a few have, attempting to get her over this fear.
The emotionlessness here also just comes from the fact she’s reiterating her fears and how her life sucks at this point and thusly just has no real reaction to it. He already knows this. He doesn’t have any real reaction to “everyone is doubting me” because… well, he’s had that his entire life.

I wish you never said his gaze lacked emotion though, Like I would have said it was blank and let the reader get the details for emotionlessness down the line.

Yeah that’s fair.

My last mention is that for some reason the cup he set down hinged on my attention, placement I guess. I kept seeing the cup on a table throughout the rest of the table Was very distracting somehow.

…Interesting feedback. They HAVE been conversing over tea so I had to put the cup SOMEWHERE. Sorry it distracted you?

Also I am pretty sure you broke a rule [number 6, actually] of this thread but hey I’m not the person who runs it I’m just saying…


#37

Just… Trying to keep the thread flowing…


#38

I would post another one, but I’ve already critiqued your piece and I feel like there’s not much point in repeating myself just to post…


#39

It’s a new version if that you feel better. Very very different


#40

The bit here about the brown silky hair still seems overly described to me. Also the part about the light feet and a wide grin. I tend to do this a lot too and describe every unnecessary thing, but it doesn’t really add much to the story.

The word straggled sounds a little out of place to me…also, “Spikey blue hair” and “winced his round azure eyes” again too much description. You could honestly just say “his blue hair,” or “he squinted” and that would work much better in my opinion.

I do like how you’re doing your dialogue tags, though, making sure they are related to the person who’s speaking but indenting every time the speaker changes. It makes your dialogue easy to keep up with.

I think the “I’m” there needs to be capitalized. Also…what’s the purpose of the “Bleh”? It sounds weird when I read it over in my head…and what’s with the “dragging an eyelid down”? That part doesn’t make much sense to me. (but that could just be me.)

I like how you italicized “Special” though to put a sarcastic emphasis on it.

I like the use of doubling the “s” on “Show” to emphasize his stammering and sobbing. Good job.

Just two things about this. “trees inhabiting the area” again, sounds a little too flowery. You don’t really need inhabiting, I personally would put “the scattered trees in the area” but that’s just my suggestion.

Second, the line “gained frequency” that just sounds odd to me, and it’s that overly flowery language again. (that stuff is hard to get away from, I write flowery all the time and it’s a struggle to fix XD)

“would only increase” is the wrong tense there, I think.

For some reason that last part seemed to kind of lose the momentum and fear of the last few paragraphs. You were doing a really great job with the action and both boy’s fear, but I kidna lost it here.

Lastly, while the ending still confuses me, I assume that it’s supposed to tie into an explanation later. I’m not really sure how getting impaled by a tree branch would turn someone into…I dunno, rabid I guess, but since this is only an execrt or one chapter, I’ll assume that gets cleared up later. Overall, the pacing was better, althought the whole tree branch thing still felt forced to me. You did a great job with dialogue and your characters have a very real feeling to them. I would just suggest working on the flowery dialogue and that ending scene a little more.


Welp, here’s my exerpt. (Yes, this is gonna be crappy, so please, pull it to shreds so I can fix it)

Exerpt from The Heart of Ajs An’hij (from my other account)

Glancing back at my ornate room that with paintings of stars dancing across the ceiling and walls; My bed, with stardust covers, my closet, drawers, books. I know that beyond my room are countless other rooms for the countless daughters that may come. My sisters are studying in their rooms, my mother doing who knows what. They will grow up, become the keepers and Queen’s of the stars, watching over the nebulas and constellations. That is their destiny. But I have never loved the universe as they did, I was never cut out to rule like them. My heart lies with one constellation only, and now, it is my heart, that will save him.

I turn to the window seat and climb up, then carefully plant my feet on the windowsill. I look down at the black hole that, like a window, separates our palace from the rest of the universe. The black abyss setting a boundary I was never to cross. But they say love knows no bounds.

Before I can dissuade myself from my plan, I shove myself forward and tumble, momentarily, into space. I feel a chilling cold surround me, and writhe for a moment, feeling weightless. I catch a glimpse of the palace as I struggle to move, having nothing to anchor myself too. I flail, helplessly struggling, trying to reach Orion.

Then I feel a hand grab mine and my head snaps around to see his hazy arm pulled down from the stars to grab me. He pulls me close cups his hand so that I don’t float away.

“Tauri, you don’t belong out here, go back before it’s too late,” he warns me, looking back to the palace. Stubbornly I shake my head and cling to his hand, afraid to let go.

“No, I have a plan, but you must let me see it through,” I beg him and look up pleadingly. His eyes look pained and even dimmer, but he nods softly and holds me closer. I reach to place my hand near his heart and see the nebula of stars are fading, their light ebbing away. Only then do I realize why they are fading, because the story is all wrong. It’s not the heart of his bride-to-be, it is his own broken heart and it’s dying because he doesn’t need it anymore. He’s found a stronger, newer love.

I know that my delicate frame will not last much longer out here, and I grip his hand tightly. The black hole was meant to protect us from the harshness of space because our bodies are formed from stardust and will dissipate in space. I can already feel the tug of weightlessness, whisking away the particles of my hair. Orion seems to notice too and his grip on my hand becomes tighter. I’m not afraid of it, however. Instead, I remember the words of my mother when she told me as a child that when my body began to fade, I would become a star in the constellation of my companion.

I look up at Orion as I feel a stronger tug and I smile a bit sadly. His starry eyes meet mine and he wraps his arms around me again. I feel him press a gentle kiss on my head.

“I won’t forget you Tauri. You shall forever be my heart, and I will make sure the Universe knows that while you never became Keeper of the Stars, you are Tauri, Third Daughter of the Order of Starlight, Keeper of the Heart of Ajs An’hlj–”

I finish the words for him with the last of my fading breath. “–The Heart of the Hunter.”

I look up and smile softly, a golden tear streaking down my face before my body fades away and my stardust dissipates. I am whisked away on a quick journey and brought back together in a new form.

For, from a star I came, and to a star I return, but I have not become just any star. I shine brighter than any other in the universe, and from me ebbs the life of Orion. I’m no longer Tauri, but I have a new name. I am The Heart of Ajs An’hlj. I am, the Heart of the Hunter.