Critiques from an English Teacher [Open]

feedback-offered

#21

Accepted and added to list!


#22

Author: noirdesir99
Book title: Dark tears
Synopsis: It’s a book written on first person about building your inner self and finding happiness in a BDSM environment. Please be aware that it’s a mature story.
Password: sunflower

If you accept my request it would mean much for me. Due to personal reasons, the story mean the world for me, more than I can express in words.
I would be happy to receive your feedback in private.

Thanks a lot
XoXo


#23

Does it work now? I added the password.


#24

Please provide the link to your story and I’ll accept it. Thanks!


#25

Yes, perfect. Accepted and added to the list!


#26

@clarkewainikka
forgive me for being clumsy
here it is https://www.wattpad.com/story/159349691-dark-tears


#27

First of all I want to thank you for taking your time and doing this!
Author: Never_Fail_Yourself
Book Title: Holding on to you
Link to story: https://www.wattpad.com/story/162357326-holding-on-to-you
Synopsis (Optional):
This story takes place in a country where two different races live: the Inferiors and the Supreme.
Inferiors don’t live long and have to rely on the resources the Supreme give them. In return, they have to follow their rules and can get punished by them if they go against the law.
This story is also the story of two siblings who live in this country, Erin and her brother Silas. Both of them were content with their life until something happened that made them question everything they thought they knew about themselves and the country they have been living in.
Is everything as peaceful as it seems?
And what does it mean to be Inferior or Supreme?
What secrets are being held from them?

Password: Sunflower


#28

All good! Accepted and added.


#29

Critique for Despondent by lethargicluv:

Very unique and interesting formatting. Simple but effective way to get your story across.

I think that some of the sections would read a bit smoother with commas rather than periods. The full stop of the period takes out some of the flow.

I would also try to cut out some of the adverbs and replace them, instead, with further description. I view adverbs as a little bit of a ‘cop out.’

Really enjoyed the last section of chapter 5. It shows distinct characterization in few words. The differences between the two without being overtly obvious.

Very interesting read!


#30

Critique of The Essence of the Equinox by summerincarnated:

Love your opener. Your prose is dynamic and beautiful.

I’d be careful of the overuse of the word ‘which,’ perhaps try separating the sentences instead or taking it out completely and just using a comma.

I worry about your wordiness. While I love your use of adjectives and description, be mindful of ‘is this driving the story forward?’ and ‘is this essential for my readers to know this?’ With that said, I do think description like yours is a great strength and you shouldn’t hide it.

I think that your pacing is great. Pacing is something that many Wattpad writers seem to struggle with, but you have introduced your characters in a very manageable way. You allow the reader to digest the universe one step at a time.

Personally, high fantasy is not my favourite genre. But your story reminds me that there is still quality content on Wattpad and I’m glad that I got the chance to read, at least, parts of it. Well done!


#31

Thank you for doing this!

Author: juniormint94

Book Title: Air Born

Link to story: https://www.wattpad.com/story/165654709-air-born

Synopsis (Optional): After a mysterious fire destroys her home, seventeen-year-old Orion Candor begrudgingly moves to the peculiar town of Crystal Manor in her grandmother’s passed down home. There, she has to start anew, but all she wants is to blend in. But after a near-death experience exposes her unexplainable powers to the public, she’s enrolled at Isoria Academy, an elite school for elemental sorcery in the enchanting country, Isoria.

As she tries settling into her new regime in this new world, it becomes clear that her powers are different from her classmates and starts attracting unwanted attention. And after discovering a hidden journal in her house, Orion’s convinced her long-dead grandmother, Cordova, is linked to her erratic powers. Determined to solve what they are and how to control them, Orion follows Cordova’s clues, only to find herself deep in a twisted puzzle that threatens her life. She soon unravels that moving to Crystal Manor and discovering Isoria was not a twist of fate, but someone’s mission, and must solve the riddles before her foes do, or risk losing what Cordova sacrificed everything for.

Password: sunflower


#32

Hey, I’ll be grateful if you could give me some feedback on my story. It’s a romance with a bit of drama (17+). I’m not sure if you like this genre, though. I’ve alreadyy added you story to my reading list. Cheers, Laura :slight_smile:

Author: Laura Bubble @AtomicKitten666

Book Title: Against All Odds

Link to story: https://www.wattpad.com/story/119764716-against-all-odds

Synopsis (Optional): When all you’ve encountered in life is darkness and misery and even your subcounsciousness keeps telling you to give up, you just give up. Finding the light seems like a Herculean effort. And sometimes it is. Because life’s not a fairy tale, neither is love.

Katherine’s damaged goods. Her world came crashing down six years ago leaving her in shattered pieces that she tries to glue back together with the help of her mom and her best friend. But when her mother dies in a car accident, she has to learn how to be alone in this world. With a crappy job, a broken heart and serious trust issues she’s about to wave a white flag. Little does she know, her life is about to change.

Blake is a powerful real estate tycoon, a hard-working man known for his tough character and dedication to work. Women? They’re just tools for stress relief. Relationships? They’re non-existent in his dictionary. That’s the face he shows to the world, because the real one is deeply hidden under the facade he’s perfected over the years.

What happens when these two cross their paths?
Is it possible to overcome all obstacles life decides to throw in your way?
And can you fix the unfixable?

A story about conquering your fears, finding your place in life, falling in love and fighting like hell to keep that spark of happiness once you find it.

Password: sunflower


#33

Accepted and added to list!


#34

Thanks for adding me to your list! You’ve been approved and added.


#35

Thank you! :slight_smile:


#36

Thank you for your feedback! It was very helpful.

In particular with my descriptiveness it is something of a stylistic choice I admire a lot of writers who many would consider to be quite dense and florid prose writers and I think that admiration bleeds through into my own prose a lot of the time. I do try to be mindful, this is actually a first draft so I will have to go back in later rewrites and trim the fat so to speak haha.


#37

Ah thank you so much! I’ll definitely take those things into account when I do my editing over it again. I’m glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for your time.


#38

Critique of What the Morning Brings by @infIorescent

Clean, easy to read prose. Something I, personally, really admire.

I would double check for some grammatical mistakes and redundancies. For example, ‘There were no street lights lit on his street,’ try instead, ‘there were no lights on his street,’ or ‘the street was dark.’

I love the description of Blithe. Very poetic with simple, beautiful prose.

I would try to cut down your use of adverbs even more. Adverbs are unnecessary when you clearly have the capability to write such great descriptions.

One thing, I would like you to consider. Who is your target audience? Who do you want to read this book? Is it YA? Once you’ve figured that out, consider going back through and determining whether certain descriptions are necessary or are going to be clearly understood by that audience.

I found the switch between narration in chapter 4 quite jarring. If the story is being told via Ori there needs to be a clear distinction if you are switching to a different perspective.

Overall, the story is magical. Ripe with elegant descriptions. I think if you trim some of the fat, you could have something great on your hands!


#39

Thank you so much! I’ll take what you said into consideration <3


#40

Critique for the Collided World by C.L. Smith:

Interesting concept! Very unique idea that is fleshed out with descriptive prose.

One note, you have a lot of beautifully written sentences separated with commas. It might be better to shorten some of these sentences to provide the reader with more variety as they read. It’s okay to have some short simple sentences to improve the flow.

‘deep blue, almost black, and the fur was thick, and firm like velvet.’ - Love that description, it really evokes a feeling and clear imagery.

I really enjoy your narrative voice. I think you’ve created a complicated world and universe but you’ve described and narrated it in a way that’s accessible. My main point is your comma use. You have many when you don’t need them and are missing a few where they are necessary. I think once this is fixed, I could see your story one day on the shelves of a bookstore!