Detailed Feedback From a Wattpad Star!

Hey everyone, now I’ve exploited my position as a Wattpad Star to grab your attention, welcome to my feedback thread :tada:

Firstly, a disclaimer: I want to give you constructive points and generally give you some honest feedback about your work. However, that doesn’t mean I’m a nasty troll-like reviewer, far from it! I just want to make you aware that if you’re simply looking for a brief, gushing comment on your work, I’m not the reviewer for you.

For the most part, I’ll read any type of fiction, however there are some things I’m not looking to review (largely for the benefit of greater humanity).

Rules

  • No poetry (it’s not you, it’s me. Seriously, me reviewing poetry isn’t cute. An absolute trainwreck.
  • No random chapters - I’ll only critique your first chapter, simply because a random review of chapter 84 of a complex sci-fi novel will in no way be half decent
  • I can only review single chapters at a time - I work full-time, so can’t commit to reviewing a whole novel. However, if you find my critique useful, feel free to request I review the next chapter afterwards (and so forth)
  • No high-fantasy, Sci-Fi, fanfiction, historical fiction, assassin-centric plots, or werewolf/vampire-esque stuff (I just don’t know enough about these genres to provide a useful review, and the werewolf stuff gives me Twilight flashbacks)

Payment

  • Please take a look at my YA novel, A Pocket Full of Posies (I don’t expect you to look at more than the first chapter - I’m not quite that mean). Leave a comment or send me a message once you’ve given it a read, and I’ll make a start on your request!

Request Template

Title:
Genre:
Brief description:
Link:

would a story about magic do?

So long as it’s not really high-fantasy magic, I’m open to it! (think Harry Potter)

It’s not all magic no.

Well in that case let’s give it a go.
title: The White Order
genre: fantasy
link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/197676501-the-white-order
brief description:

The land of Naezir is ruled over by a gentle king and his wife. Their son Leo is destined to one day become the ruler of the land, but Leo never asked to become king. All he wants is to join the mysterious white order. A group of magic wielders who independently protect the land and its people. but joining the order is no easy task, the members of the order handpick those they deem worthy to become an apprentice. After meeting one of the orders masters, Leo manages to convince him and his father to let him join the order Join Leo and his new companion Lapis on their adventures as they train to become the orders newest members.

I hope you enjoy. and now I will take a look at your story

@LailaLiliana @LittleMinx94 @DarlaCassic X3

2 Likes

Mine is also about magic, but not hight-fantasy. I’ve written two chapters so far.

Title: Angerona
Genre: Fantasy-romance

Summary: The Coven of Heksengat has always been her home. She has a peaceful and quiet life, attending to her garden and fulfilling her duties in the coven. She enjoys brewing tea and studying magic. But today it seems her peace and quietness was disturbed by a call for a meeting by the Conseil; the Vultures are paying a visit and she knows they are not expecting to be served some cookies and refreshments. Gallowan’s soul has disappeared from The Hole.

Angerona can’t believe how a soul could have escaped the claws of the Ánimas of Hell. It’s impossible… unless someone has helped to make it happen and it all indicates that is a witch’s doing. She didn’t expect to have her calm days interrupted neither expected to meet him, a Vulture.

Oh shit, I have a fantasy book! It’s not high end but still, I don’t qualify. But I am thankful that you are doing this for others💚

Thank you so much for offering this! The first chapters are after all the most important :stuck_out_tongue:

Title: Dancing With Sin
Genre: Romance
Description: Alice Monroe had everything until she had nothing.

A professional Lyrical dancer and instructor at twenty-four, Alice had worked tirelessly for years to achieve perfection in all areas of her life. She was disciplined, meticulous, and had a drive that left those around her feeling dizzy. With the perfect boyfriend on her arm and the career of her childhood dreams, Alice didn’t think anything could get better than this.

And she was right.

All it took was one night to tear down everything Alice had built for herself until she was left single, jobless, and her heart stained with betrayal. With her tail tucked between her legs, she drives to Chicago to move in with her older sister until she’s back on her feet.

Little did she know that this was just the beginning of her twist of fate nightmare. Ethan Black is waiting for her in Chicago as a perfect stranger, but soon after he and Alice meet, it’s impossible for either of them to deny that they’re destined to be much more.

The only problem?

Ethan’s engaged to be wed to her sister.

Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/187660024-dancing-with-sin-a-forbidden-love-story

Thank you again! :revolving_hearts:

Edit: Payment complete :slight_smile:

Title: Rayne On Me
Genre: Romance
Brief description: Dayna Rivers has recently dropped out of college after receiving a large inheritance from her late grandmother. Although financially stable, she soon begins to lose herself as she becomes consumed by depression and inner demons from her childhood.
Concerned for her wellbeing, her mother enlists the aid of Brandon Rayne, a renowned therapist known for his willingness to live with his patients until they are stable. In a strange turn of events, Dayna begins to develop strong feelings for Brandon, causing her to question her very existence.
Link: Chapter One

hi! thank you for the opportunity. do you mind reading romance? if you’re okay with that, i’d love for you to have a look at my work (i mainly struggle with punctuation and long, rambling sentences) thank you!

Title: The Light in Your Eyes
Genre: Romance
Brief description: Still grieving after her sister’s death, Layla Yilmaz-Lee throws herself into her studies, wanting nothing more than to spend the next three years of university with her head down. To distract herself from her self-destructive thoughts, she takes up a job driving drunk students back to campus after rowdy nights out.

Unfortunately for her, Finnegan Taylor, with his playful smiles and tendency to cause trouble, is all too eager to be a regular customer.
Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/190627121-the-light-in-your-eyes

thanks.

@Dear_Rhian , would love you to look at my story. Have read and commented on Chapter 1 of A Pocket Full of Posies and look forward to reading more!

Title: Kit & Tully

Genre: YA Mystery / Romance

Brief description:
When Kit’s mother clears out her daughter’s room she finds an old diary.

Kit has plans to spend the summer with her two best friends and resents new guy, Tully, joining in. But then she discovers they have something in common, an obsession with grunge music and bad boy singer, Mac Whitehead.

Tully is smitten with Kit, but Kit has eyes only for Mac, whereas Mac craves fame. Each harbours a burning desire and, according to local legend, if they can wake an ancient Celtic god of music and love, he might just grant them their dearest wish.

None of them truly believe that one night under the full moon will change their destiny forever.

Set in Ireland in the nineties, this Young Adult love story has a Tumblr vibe.

Link: https://www.wattpad.com/749298572-kit-and-tully-ya-mystery-romance-completed-book

Thank you for offering to do this :heart: It’s much appreciated. And thanks again @calmwolf for the tag.

Title

Nefarious: The Victim

Genre

Romance

Brief Description

Tommy Costello is next in line to lead the notorious Costello crime family. He is intimidating, ruthless, perfect for the job - not to mention he’s engaged to the daughter of an equally dangerous mob boss. But when he finds out a secret about Saige Davenport, the beautiful girl who lives next door, his already tumultuous world is turned upside down as he tries to save her from the darkness of her own world and in turn, thrusts her into the darkness of his.

Link

https://www.wattpad.com/story/138625206

I have another payment to do tonight, and will do yours right after. Thank you again.

1 Like

XD of course! No worries

1 Like

hello, i’m interested. :slight_smile: my book is called money hearts and it’s in the teen fiction genre involving bitter enemies, a grudge that runs deeper than bone, rich people, and a revenge plot formulated by the antagonist.

i’ll read your book as soon as soon as possible :slight_smile:

Thank you for offering to do this! I would love to get some feedback on my first chapter :slight_smile: as soon as I get home from work in a couple of hours I can take a look at yours!

Title: Siren
Genre: Romance
Brief description: Mute since the tragic accident, Ashlyn Holland has lived a quiet life in her childhood home, haunted daily by the shadow of her Father’s memory, but too afraid to let him go. Instead, she passes the day serving coffee and kindness, avoiding the ocean at all costs.

When Derek moves to town, however, her routine is interrupted, and the fears that have always held her back are challenged. As their relationship develops and Ashlyn finds freedom in love, disaster lingers in the back ready to strike. And when it does, it will either bring them closer together or tear them apart.

Link: https://www.wattpad.com/698783089-siren

@General-Riolu @LailaLiliana @LittleMinx94 @espressoenthusiast @MochaVonBee - all done :tada:

@Angela_2nite @translucidity @mortaltendencies - let me know when you’ve checked out my story, and I’ll get straight to your requests :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

@houseofmirrors - turns out I’ve already read and reviewed the start of Siren! I can look at the next chapter though, if you’re down with that? (I remember enjoying what I read, so happy to give you feedback on the following chapter!) :tipping_hand_woman:t2:

2 Likes

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. As soon as you said that I remembered :see_no_evil: If you wanted to have a look at the next chapter, I would love that! But only if you want to :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: I am going to check out your work regardless - right now in fact - because it looks awesome!

Hahaha, don’t worry about it! I’ve literally done the exact same thing before :sweat_smile:

More than happy to check out the next chapter, don’t sweat it. Thanks so much!

Thanks so much for such detailed and awesome feedback on my story. I know how time-consuming it is to come up with thoughtful feedback, so really appreciate it :purple_heart:

Thanks again,

Mocha

1 Like

Title:You are missing from me
Genre:Teen fiction
Brief description:Jackson Miller is a re-known singer who appears to have everything anyone could wish for but all that glitters is not gold.
Evelyn Jones’ life is finally playing out how she planned it. but what if her fresh start brings her face to face with someone she wants to forget. Jackson Miller, her traitor of a best friend.
Will they be able to mend the wounds they caused each other in the past or will history repeat itself once again?
Link:https://www.wattpad.com/story/199513014-you-are-missing-from-me