Is this the worst query ever written, or the worst book idea ever? Both? I have written to around 150 agents, and none have requested a read. This is the generic version, it is not personalized to any particular agents, but this is pretty much the letter.
I am Arin Lee Kambitsis, a writer and musician who lives in Pittsburgh. My book is called Unfortunate Floyd . It is MG and comes in at 54k words. It is a comedy about the world’s unluckiest boy, with elements of mystery, magical realism, puppy love romance and teen drama. It would fit comfortably on the shelf with Diary of a Wimpy Kid and The Terrible Two ( though without illustrations).
Floyd Piccolo is the unluckiest boy in the world. From contracting Pneumonic Plague on vacation in London, to being struck by a meteorite crashing through the roof of a shopping mall, Floyd has a life that no other kid could possibly understand, not even his twin brother Lloyd. Floyd’s first day of high school starts out just as Floyd expected, with a disaster. But there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, a bright light named Peyton Flores.
She’s a Brazilian-American girl whose smile stops Floyd’s heart. They become fast friends, and this really raises his spirits. But after Peyton breaks off their friendship over a mess she believes to be his fault, Floyd is sure his broken heart is the worst pain he’s ever felt, and this is a boy who was hit by a space rock.
It seems the only person who gets it is Piers Pitstick, a small, scientifically-minded boy who believes he can fix Floyd’s bad luck with wild theories and experiments. Piers suggests that a South American Christian saint called Babalú-Ayé might be the source of Floyd’s problems. Floyd is skeptical until he receives a frightening vision on the saint’s feast day of a horrible fire at an upcoming school production. The vision is so real he becomes convinced that many people he cares about are going to be hurt. Since the boys have no proof, they have to try to stop it themselves.
When the police inform Floyd, one morning, that Piers mysteriously vanished on his way home from the Piccolo house the night before, Floyd is convinced it has something to do with the impending fire they had been poking in to. Someone is on to them. With time running out, and nobody willing to believe him, Floyd is alone with nothing but courage to save the lives of his brother, his friend, and the girl he’s in love with.
The characters are the real strength of the novel. Floyd’s wit and tragic story make him the ultimate underdog and sympathetic character. The adorable Piers Pitstick, who has a troubled family life, will win people’s hearts. Floyd’s friendship with Piers, and his relationships with his brother and Peyton seem irrevocably destroyed at one point, and it makes for some heartfelt scenes of reconciliation by the end.
I was published once by a small press years ago. The book was called Days of Yore: Jack the Giant-Killer. I have a self-published novel called Sparkle on Amazon that I am proud of. A family-comedy screenplay I wrote called My Little Life was one of eight finalists in the 2012 Long Island International Film Expo.