Do You, as an author, just Fade to black...?

Intimacy in your books! How do you approach it?
Do you rely on personal experience, or your fantasies?

I notice that there is, generally, a high difference In the way (generally) men, and women, write intimacy. Regardless of their sexually orientation, and I find those changes very interesting and I think it adds to their story.

Here, you may talk about how you approach a scene.

Do you fade to black?

Discus here but NOW THE RULES:





Sex is not plot. You have to have something else to drag readers in. Whether that’s characters, plot, or something else is your choice, but sex alone is boring.


I thought that was a given…

But the question remains, how do you approach them?


You approach it from the plot perspective. What changes because of the sex? Why are they having sex? Why do I want to witness it?


It’s kinda like any romance thing. Why do I care that two people get together?


Please understand, for goodness sake, I am ONLY asking how people approach the topic within the storyline and PARAMETERS of their story, and from where they are inspired.

Not about the story being some watery excuse for sex.


If this these questions are answered satisfactorily, it doesn’t matter how bland the actual scene is. I’m invested in the characters and plot and will enjoy it regardless. Another fun one to play with is why I don’t want these characters to get together. Having readers cringe because a character does something they’re not supposed to is always a good hook.


I tend to be pretty explicit and just go for it. I mean, ffs a short smut fanfic of mine from years ago made it into a top 10 weirdest Homestuck fics list, and I’m not sure I’m legally allowed to feel shame over writing out sex scenes anymore lmao.

I tend to use it to further explore character relationships, how they interact, etc, but also it’s honestly just fun to write sex scenes lol. I don’t understand people’s hang-ups about it having to always be perfectly relevant. Yeah, maybe don’t pause the plot to go through one, but if you’ve got an opening, and want to write one do it. Ultimately writing is largely meant to entertain, and people like the sex. ¯_(ツ)_/¯


My thoughts exactly, and an author after my own heart. I do agree with you. I mean, any author who WANTS to only focus on the characters and their goals dont need the distraction, and can just fade to black.
I go for it. Sometimes I’m a little graphic, sometimes not. But when I am, it is to develope the chacter to my reader, and what kind of person their are. Even behind the bedroom door.


Honestly I love writing intimate scenes (not necessarily sex) But moments when there are deep connections without words. It adds so much depth to a relationship.

I try to keep use sex scenes sparingly, because they’re not always necessary. I don’t write erotica so sex is not what my stories are about. Writing sex for me, I think will always be cringy, but it’s partly on my fantasy partly my characters too.


Same as me.

And yes… I cringe too, but who cares.
I find there is more body worship (generally) on Male authors, and more emotion, or romanticism (generally) in female authors, but this is NOT a given, just a trend.

Person likes person. That’s usually how these things go, no? I do understand you’re asking how to approach the topic, and I’m telling you how to keep a person’s sense of disbelief suspended. It’s how you’ll get your readers to enjoy your stories regardless what the content.

Really that’s fascinating! I wonder if it also has an effect on the POV, eg a female author writing a male character and vice versa.

Also I love a explicit scene, but I can never seem to write them effectively in my style😒

1 Like

Yes! Just in…what I’ve read. Men (generally) are more explicit about physicality, where (generally) women focus more on the emotion and romanticism. Personally, I like both and enjoy a good sex scene, but i love the differences different authors bring.


Interesting observation. I write from both male and female POVs and I try to be more explicit and perhaps use more crude words when writing sex scenes from the male POV. I probably still sound like a female, but I try!

1 Like

You had me at the first SEX.

I use from my own personal experiences. I don’t find porn realistic enough, but I guess if I found myself having to write a boyxboy scene I might indulge. I write from the woman’s pov. But I don’t write sex scenes, I write heated foreplay and the lead up to it. Then I fade to black…


You think men think more explicitly and ruder than women?

Idk I feel l’ve read sex scenes from a mans perspective and I barely notice the difference. I’m no sex expert but I’ve had sex with men and women. I don’t find that men are more explicit sometimes they are downright cautious and bashful but maybe they are thinking more agressively I just can’t hear it lol.


Honestly the only real differences I tend to see in sex scenes based on the authors gender are, like, anatomical errors lol. Men pretty consistently just don’t know how tits or clits work, and I’ve seen a lot of women who write like they have never seen a human penis before.

My favorite of those errors was a dude who constantly called a woman’s vulva her “mound”, and talked about “nipples growing in arousal”.


I probs like sex maybe a little more than i should but when it comes to writing the scenes i always fade to back. I would write smut for fun way back when so thinking about it now I’m kinda surprised lol.

I mostly base it on how my male friends/partner talk about sex. And research by reading stuff written by men in men’s magazines or on forums. Although I’ll admit this is probably not representative! If I was writing from a shy guy’s POV it might be different, but my male MC is pretty sure of himself.

1 Like