Does this synopsis make sense? Please help!

Not sure if this is the right forum, but seemed the most appropriate. I’ve just finished this story and am editing but its hard capturing it in a synopsis since there are so many pieces.

I’ve read it too many times and know the story, of course, so I can’t tell. None of my friends are big writers and can’t help me out. Does it make sense?

*Love, Nemesis
*Fantasy/Sci-fi/Romance
*Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/207524129-love-nemesis

Synopsis:

The Eating Ocean shattered the world.

It’s boiling, black waters came in dreams and visions, seducing its victims with a virus that granted endless power with unspeakable consequences.

Mankind reeled into a violent war.

Climbing back from extinction, the world refuses to remember its trauma. As insidious as poison, its secrets haunt those who survived it.


Villagers found an orphaned Baker two years after the war, running through the wheat with a missing arm and no memory of how she lost it. One too many questions reveals a truth she never wanted: an alarming tie to The Ocean and its most sophisticated monster.

Jackson spent his life hunting The Ocean’s monsters, but never called himself a hero. Rumors of what his cult did to end the war ostracize him from society, but with one last mark to kill, the bloodletting is far from over. Unhinged at best, only time divides him from becoming the enemy he fought, until he meets Ella.

A loyal soldier of the new order, Ella has given her life for a future she hopes everyone can believe in. With one year left to live, she has a final mission, until her path crosses with the unruly Jackson. Jackson’s fractured humanity forces Ella to revisit her broken past, and as Baker’s memories unravel, they find that the pieces of their lives form an undeniable picture.

The Eating Ocean shattered the world.

To save it, Baker, Jackson and Ella must confront their brokenness to face something far more powerful than The Ocean: the truth.

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I understand it. I think that it would be a wonderful story. It’s very complex, but if it’s written well, then the readers will love it.

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Thank you! That’s helpful. I’m happy the complexity comes through I guess without it being too confusing.

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Very interesting!
I think the third one is the best!

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This is a great synopsis. It sounds exactly like something that would be on a book jacket. It really draws you in and makes you want to read more. It’s a very intriguing plot and the story itself comes across without giving too much detail about what happens. Great job!

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Thanks! I’ll keep that in mind if I have to trim it down (which I’m hoping I can do)

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Great, thank you!!

I like the start under the initial bold heading. Then I became confused.
“They found an orphaned Baker…”
You need to mention who “They” are before using the pronoun as a replacement.

“…a bandaged arm and no memory of how she lost it.” Is her arm missing? Or simply wounded and bandaged? She has no memory about losing her memory or her arm?

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Ah, very good point. I’ll make some changes!

“The Ocean and its soldiers…”
“…from becoming the monsters he fights.”

I’m assuming monsters and soldiers are the same creatures. Do they have a name?

P.S. This is a synopsis for an agent, or a blurb for a back cover?

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They do have a name technically but its hard to fit that in there without muddling the rest of the description about what they are. Let me play with the wording. Maybe I can find something that smooths that out. Thanks again!

My hope is to eventually get it down to a blurp but I will be pitching to agents eventually. The story is complicated and still in its rough stages. Tightening up descriptions like this really helps me focus the ideas of the novel as I clean it up as well.

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