Down The Rabbit Hole (Name under review)

Okay, the first time I have EVER pitched anything like this before so here goes… I really want advice to improve my writing, pitch writing and develop my ideas.

Summary

Sophie is a witty, funny and bright twenty-something who has her dreams crushed when her writing agent tells her she has ‘lost her sparkle’. To add insult to injury her landlord wants the rent money. So working under her sister AKA mini Hitler seems the only logical thing to do. But when her friend Kat tells her about a foot fetish model who made thousands, she begins to ask herself is there another way?

So with the help of ex Tom, who is determined to get back with her, she starts her journey as a foot fetish model.

After a couple of mishaps she finally earns enough to get the rent together, she writes an article which gets the attention of a top magazine editor who pays her to write exposes on the hidden world of fetishes and kinks.

Taking the chance to become a real author she begins to delve deep into the fantasy land of fetishes. But when she hits a brick wall Tom offers her an opportunity to go to an exclusive fetish club, but he warns her to be secretive and the owner has a habit of tearing down anyone who steps in his way.

Her inquisitive personality gets the attention of the male owner, who is keen to understand who she is and what she is up to. After she asks him questions and lies about who she really is, he takes it upon himself to teach her the art of his world.

During this time she starts to form a bond with the Owner, who she learns is fighting a battle with a corrupt MP who is blackmailing him and a crime lord who is sponsoring his businesses, which causes Sophie to realise the dangers of getting close to him.

However, Sophie is soon beginning to lose who she was, missing her sister’s engagement party and Kat’s birthday. But, she is also finding it hard to lie to the owner.

Finding out she is in with the owner, the magazine editor gives one last request to expose the clubs elite members and their ways if she does that there is a job in New York waiting for her. She accepts.

Sophie is unaware the Owner and the Editor has had issues since the Owner was in a car accident involving the Editors brother.

After a dinner out with the owner, he comes back to hers her what where he discovers her true identity and what she has been up to. They fight and he tells her he will sue, but she knows he has no basis as there was no contract or documents to say she was even there, so he leaves.

He returns and begs her to only expose him and not his members, however, Sophie doesn’t want to expose him as he will go to prison for his dodgy dealings.

Sophie hands in her article and accepts a flight to New York. (Unsure of ending yet.)

Genre- New Adult Romance (Kind of unsure what to put it in)

Audience age - 18-30 years.

Length - about 80k words.

Major plotlines

  • Tom is still trying his hardest to get back with Sophie by helping her out after he left her to pursue his risque job as a porn photographer
  • The Owner and the Editor have a history which includes the owner being involved in a crash killing the editor’s brother.
  • Sophie finds out the owner is being blackmailed by a corrupt MP who wants the owner’s influence to help him gain more power.

Notes

-This story hasn’t begun yet, I was planning it becoming my NaNoWriMo project

-This story is about Sophie exploring the fetish world, by learning and exploring herself. So this is about a woman exploring her own sexuality while she works on her writing, It focuses on her perspective, her feelings and emotions.

-It also deals with the funny side of Sophie’s life, the humour of working under her sister. Sophie is confident and funny, so when she plunges herself into this world she uses humour to hide her nerves. Plus, she finds out being in this world is harder than she expects and she has funny stories to prove it.

-Sophie finds it hard to cope with her real life and the life she is making for herself with the Owner. Even when she finds out about his dodgy dealings she feels a need and a want to stand by him and even try to help him.

3 Likes

Is the name of the book Down the Rabbit Hole? I’d just like the point out that Holly Madison’s memoir about the Playboy mansion has the same title.

Hi, I did not know that, the name is still under construction. My friend sort of gave it to me as I described the story. But like I said I’m still on the hunt for a better one. Thanks for pointing this out though! :blush:

There’s a lot of plot in this book, not a lot of story.

This seems to be the only line that addresses the character’s personal story, and it comes out of nowhere. Prior to this, the character is simply “poor” and thus does something for money and ends up in a world of more kinks and blackmailed club bosses and writing exposés. I don’t really know who she was or is or is trying to be or what she struggles with.

Is she a nervous introvert who would really struggle with exposing herself to a fetish community but accepts because it’s only foot modelling (and learns to be less of a prude?). She’s described as bright and funny and witty so she sounds pretty outgoing. That means she’s an outgoing person who then does something relatively outgoing. While engaging as a foot model for those with a fetish seems really out there, it really isn’t, not especially for this particular character.

So when it says she’s losing who she once was, it doesn’t seem like that’s true because it hasn’t been established who she was or what she is losing. Also, the thing she’s losing is not showing up to other people’s parties, so again, this is mostly an extroverted, outgoing person doing extroverted (aka normal) things, and sometimes going to one party instead of another because they have too much in their life.

It’s also not clear how the events align with anything she is learning or what her moral lesson or growth is going to be here.

She is writing an exposé on this group because it will get her money. But she’s already making money by being a model, that was the whole point, so does she really even need the exposé? Usually these plotlines involve someone engaging because they’re asked to and then falling in love, whereas this is sort of the reverse situation but still plays out like she’s unsure if she should do the exposé or not.

Also her decision in the end is that she doesn’t want to do it because it will send a man to prison due to him doing criminal things. It’s not that she’s concerned her exposé is going to shame a kink or stigmatize a perfectly reasonable people (an actual moral quandary), it’s just about whether a man doing illegal things should be prosecuted for doing illegal things (to which the answer is yes?).

So I need to know who this character is, what she is grappling with, what she will become, and how these events shape her and interact with her. And the events need to align with her growth and lesson learned, as opposed to a character just getting caught up in things around her.

1 Like

Thanks for this this has been really useful. I think Sophie’s character needs developing further. She is definitely an extrovert, but has her eyes opened when she meets all these fascinating and different people. I suppose as much as she doesn’t to want expose the owner she doesn’t want to hurt and shame the friends she ends up making along the way, by exposing them too.

I think her personal growth is that she learns that money won’t buy her happiness and lying to hurt the friends and people you love isn’t worth it, only to leave them behind.

But I am definitely going to develop her further as she is kind of a lot like the people I surround myself with so I want her personality and the fact she actually cares about people to come across.

Thanks for taking the time to give me feedback I really appreciate it.