Accepted. Is there anything in particular you liked about my reviews?
Accepted. Is there anything in particular you liked about my reviews?
Alright! Will complete the payment by today. I like the way you analyses the details into different segments (Characters, Author style etc). It’s not sugar-coated, but not exactly super mean either, haha ^^
Additionally, for my future reviews, I am going to make a couple of changes to my reviews, mainly in regard to my focus points.
I will still be looking at these things:
And I will be rating each of these out of 10 for a total score out of 50.
Additionally I will be answering these six questions:
Please let me know what you think of the changes.
Wow, trying to show me up with review thoroughness are ya?
Seriously though, you’re doing a great service for writers out there. I might have to step up my own review game.
Oooh! It is so on!
Payment done! ^^
I will add you to the list as soon as possible. Thanks again for your feedback!
My review of: The Song of Sqia’lon Seven - written by @Svoosh
Science fiction is probably my favourite genre. Fantasy being a close second. But one of the reasons I love both of these genres, is that while I am reading a book I love to immerse myself into the world the author has created, and shut out the depressing one we all live in. However, this usually only happens when I read 300+ page novels. (i.e. Lord of The Rings, Eragon, Star Wars Novels, etc.) So I was initially sceptical of the “The Song of Sqia’lon Seven”, especially when I found out that it was a short story and only roughly 1,800 words long, and I admit, I hesitated before accepting it because of its length. But, boy was I wrong.
Before I begin I would like to point out that this may not be an accurate depiction or review of the finished product at the time you read it. And these are my personal opinions, all of which I am entitled to.
So without further ado, let’s dig in.
First thing first, if you haven’t gotten the idea already, (or you skipped my opening comments, you cheeky little ->insert age appropriate playful expletive here<- you!) This is a SHORT STORY! Now before I even began to read @Svoosh 's work, I was worried that he/she may have tried to cram a complex plot, that typically comes along with the Sci-fi genre, into one chapter. I am most pleased to say that it does not. The plot that it has, is short, simple and mostly believable.
The main story involves three characters, Nfrite, Serhat, and the main character, Kuma all traveling to, what was once a living and thriving world in their solar system, but is now silent, to try and discover what has happened.
But there is are some lines in the introductory paragraphs that I had a hard time believing. Mainly it is the fact that the sister planet that the main characters come from, almost completely ignores the fact that Sqia’lon Seven has gone silent. The story tells us that this is because everyone is frightened by what has happened. But all that has really happened is that they just stopped talking and trading. There is no other reason mentioned as to why everyone is so afraid. Maybe the traders that first noticed it, went down to planet’s surface and never returned, maybe they received an ominous message warning them to stay away, or maybe the main characters are a apart of the initial investigation as to what really happened. Admittedly some of these may not work with the story that the author has envisioned, but a couple of extra lines early on would go a long way to fix this particular problem.
Otherwise, the plot is fine if not a bit simple, although the ending did perplex me a tad. If someone could read it and explain it to me, that would be greatly appreciated.
5/10 - A concise, well thought out and simple plot is all you should expect from a short story, and that is what you get from “The Song of Sqia’lon Seven”, with only a couple noticeable shortcomings.
The characters were adequate for such a short story. With such a small amount of time to work, I thought the author did well to portray the main character’s emotions and thoughts, as well as giving us a reason why this quest was important to the protagonist.
I thought you did a fine job of using your side characters earlier in the story. But was a bit dismayed at how quickly they just vanished. Maybe a sequel??? Just a suggestion.
Another issue I did have, was that the main character’s name, Kumar, is never mentioned in the story (the only place I could find it mentioned is in the description). We get a little bit of a backstory of his connection to this planet, but otherwise nothing else is really revealed about him.
6/10 - Although I only knew him for a short time, I did develop a connection with the protagonist. But I feel like they are all held back by the length of the story.
The World Building
World building done right, can turn an average story into a masterpiece. Done right. When done poorly it can ruin your whole story, and leave your characters feeling pointless. This is especially the case for any Sci-fi or fantasy story. And for the most part @Svoosh does a marvellous job at it.
But there is one little nitpick that I have with some of the information delivered early on. It is briefly mentioned that there was an attack on Sqia’lon Seven, but this is, never really developed on. The planet seems to operate fine for two more years without any signs of after effects, and, as I understand it, doesn’t really have any impact on the rest of the story at all. Making this just a throw away piece of information. Sure it sounds cool, but it doesn’t seem to impact the story in any meaningful way at all. However it is mentioned that it took them 3 years to get there, so one solution to this problem could be that the planet fell silent immediately after the battle, but it took three years for anyone to get there. Just a suggestion.
Some other points that could be expanded upon are things like this:
But as a whole, I think the author has done a great job, especially considering how short the story is. I love the alien species that has been created, (whatever they are called) and I feel like they stand out as unique in the Sci-fi genre.
Author’s Style score:
8/10 - The author has done a great job to build a unique universe in such a short story.
The Author’s Style
I will start this section by saying, @Svoosh has a way with words. The way he describes most of things in this story is simply, beautiful. I felt like I was actually on Sqia’lon Seven. I felt like I knew exactly what these alien side characters looked like. In that sense, the author has done a great job. There is some great description of the environment early on in the piece, but as we head underground, I felt like we lost that a bit. It would be nice for the underground to get some lovin’.
I will also mention that this story is written in first person and in the present tense. The former of the two is done well, putting us in the driver’s seat of the action. The latter, is not. To the author, I would recommend asking for someone’s help on the story services section of the Wattpad Community, as the story jarringly jumps from present to past through out, sometimes in the one sentence. Additionally I did note a few grammatical errors, but this is not my area of expertise.
But overall these are very minor corrections that can be made relatively quickly.
The Author’s Style score:
8.5/10 - @Svosh is a seriously talented writer. Keep an eye on him/her.
At various points in the story I felt nostalgic, concerned, lonely and confused (I am sure that one was mostly on purpose). However, once again, I think the length of the story has hindered it here. I had no time to develop any lasting deep connection with any of the characters and thus wasn’t deeply affected by it.
The Affect score:
7/10 - Although short, this story will elicit numerous emotional responses from you, however fleeting they may be.
34.5/50 - Decent, but needs some refining.
Your Name TheGreatSphinx
Story Title The Jewel of Florence
Description Packed and loaded, Molly has been looking forward to spending her summer backpacking to her uncle’s home in Italy, far away from her parents’ tight reign and dull life.
The Treasury Showcase is a widely recognised event annually hosted by a different prestige family known for their involvement in the world of art. This year, Molly’s uncle is honoured with the role of hosting the exhibition, bringing pride to the family name.
However, when the prize possession of the exhibition, The Jewel of Florence, goes missing a week before the showcase the family is sent into a frantic state with the risk of the family reputation and business being jeopardised.
Now it’s Molly’s job along side Charlie, a fellow wayfaring companion, to travel across the country in order to return the jewel in time or else an old partnership will fall apart and a reputation burn into ruins.
Number of Chapter (5 Max) 5 please!
This is actually amazing and you’re amazing for providing such a great service! x
Thank you so much for the advice and the thorough review!
Your Name: @VanillaaJuliaa
Story Title: Rosevelt
Description: A world dominated by ruthless blood-sucking monsters…
Just a myth, right?
When Kira Rosevelt discovers the supernatural truth about herself, she goes on a search to find her father and discover the truth, while becoming involved with a noble vampire and the Anti-vampire ministry.
Furthermore her fate becomes intertwined with The Sphere of Gaia.
A Sphere that holds a dangerous secret.
Maybe the world is more complicated
than she thought. So perhaps she bit off more than she could chew?
5 chapters (will do the payment after confirmation)
You are not to bad yourself slick.
And it makes me so glad to hear that you guys are enjoying the service!
Hey there! I hope I’m not too late to the party!
MACHINE AND MAGIC
Science Fiction / Fantasy
“The way I see it, we’re all just pawns in somebody else’s game, and the rules get made up along the way.”
The year is 396 of the Ninth Era, and civilization on the planet Alnora struggles to recover after a desperate war that has the survivors unsure of their place within the oppressive United Alnora Federation. Khagilos, a desert planet home to the alien race known as the Beastmen, fares no better, and its inhabitants suffer widespread persecution at the hands of their former enemies.
A young cadet named Angela finds herself in the center of a power struggle between competing factions- her only guide, a spellbending criminal nicknamed the Butcher. Her former squadmates set out to find her, unsure if she’s even alive. All the while, Alnora and Khagilos fall under the shadow of war once again.
This is a tale of two worlds, and their bitter struggles. This is a tale of machine and magic.
Your Name Science_Meets_Magic
Story Title: The Minerva Prophecy
Genre: Science Fiction/Science Fantasy
Description: Crystal’s childhood was anything but normal, plagued by strange happenings and tragedies. The person who saved her from depression and isolation was her best friend, Jackson. Now the founder of a highly successful company, she starts finding strange and unusual things happening to her again. Recurring dreams led her to meet a psychic named Themis, who tells her that she was living the equivalent of two lifetimes in one and that at some point, these lifetimes would converge. Themis also warns her that she is in grave danger. There are people who need her alive and there are people who need her dead. But in order to understand her life and who she truly is, she must confront this situation. Soon after her meeting with Themis, she is ambushed by people looking to capture her. And quickly, Crystal is pulled into a world unlike anything she has ever seen before.
Number of Chapter (5 Max): 4 chapters
Accepted! But please be patient, as you can see, I have a mounting work load.
Also Accepted! But please also be patient, as you can see, I have a mounting work load.