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#286

Accepted!

You have been added to my waiting list. Remember that the wait is indefinite; thank you in advance for your patience. I will tag you here when you have been moved up the list.


#287

Title: Cursed Gardens
Genre: paranormal
Summary: A stranger literally falls into Maggie and Val’s lives to inform them their parents are not dead like they thought. They’re trapped in the spirit plane and Maggie and Val may be the only witches capable of freeing them.
Link to story: https://www.wattpad.com/story/166994398-cursed-gardens
Number of chapters: 6


#288

Title: Miss Angelina
Genre: Horror/Thriller
Summary: Miss Angelina is endlessly tormented by her past; causing both emotional pain and turmoil. Her actions in life have led her down a path of destruction and brutality that she isn’t sure she can turn back from. Using the help of those her favour and living in her home, she captures, enthrals and murders unsuspecting men. This has been her way for years, untainted and completely unsuspected.

However, when her parallel Florence, an innocent young woman, begins her own journey of destruction, Miss Angelina’s world begins to unravel. Not only does she begin to lose her way, but the control she yields gradually slips from her grasp. Can she have the willpower to continue her own reign of destruction? Or will the people around her finally become her demise?

Link to story: https://www.wattpad.com/story/13887482-miss-angelina-✔
Number of chapters: 26
Passwords: Machu Picchu has been a dream of mine for years at this point. I’ve always wanted to hike up to it! Shiny! Silver Glass!


#289

Hi :slight_smile: Since you said you read everything, I would appreciate some thoughts on my recently finished poetry collection.

Title: RAW

Genre: Poetry

Summary: People may shy away from the raw truth or close their eyes to negative situations. They may refuse to accept others who are different and limit them even though some are as capable as “normal” people.

But you cannot ignore these truths for long because they have a voice and they will make sure you hear them.

Trigger Warning: there is a poem about a rape victim, the school shootings, and children of war, suicide, drug abuse, domestic violence…basically anything negative I could think of that people tend to shy away from, and anything non-negative that people shy away from.

Link to story: https://www.wattpad.com/story/158579926-raw-completed

Number of chapters: 16

Thank you for considering :slight_smile:


#290

Okay so she’s currently reviewing mine and I am scared shitless dude. Give it to me gently? @frjohnson xD


#291

:joy::joy: lolol! Get ready for it within the next few minutes! I wouldn’t be too worried ;D


#292

Like how many minutes we talking about here? The suspense is killing me!


#293

lol like 15 to 20ish minutes! I’m sorry I got you all hyped up on suspense :joy:


#294

That was already half an hour ago when you first commented. I was like “shit. It’s my turn already fuck fuck fuck. I thought I had more time to fix stuff! T_T” Then I checked the queue here and yep there it was, I was actually next.


#295

I never knew I caused people so much stress! And I had to stop for a half second to submit a final paper I forgot about :see_no_evil: But, I am working through your prologue and then I’ll at least read the first chapter


#296

Because you’re the first person who is actually really detailed about your feedback and add the fact that this is my first story so the pressure is real xD


#297

Awww well! I promise to be super detailed with yours too

And no pressure, really, no matter what I say now, I’ll only say to help you. Plus, you can resubmit for review as often as you like after you make edits! We have a growth mindset in theses parts :yum:


#298

Did I mention that I love you? xD


#299

Not lately, but it’s always nice to hear xD


#300

I love you!!! LETS GO. also take your time, seriously. I just appreciate the fact that you’re even doing this.


#301

Final Review: “Queen (A Werewolf Story)” by @GeeGeeIsNoOne


REMEMBER THAT THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS

Stopped after chapter 1


Thoughts: First, lemme say you are clearly a talented writer. I am always cautious of giving critiques to first-time writers because I never want anyone to feel as though I am saying your can’t write or you can’t do it. Because that is never what I am saying. So, just know that anything I point out from this critique is meant to give you places to improve on. I always say that grammar/writing can be learned, but talent cannot. I have yet to encounter a book where I did not see a talented writer, and your book is no different.

  • Cover/Blurb: Alright, so, I have to be point-blank with you: you gotta find a new title and cover, and edit your blurb. From your writing, I know 100% that you can come up with a more riveting title. As far as covers go, there are plenty of cover shops (including mine, although it is currently closed lol). The one you have now, just does not do enough justice to your story. Onto the blurb, the biggest issue is that first section of questioning. I can understand the effort that you were putting in with the “she does, but does she” thing, but it just was not working. I read your writing, and I know from the suspense/action scene in the prologue that you can definitely create a better blurb. Also, watch your tenses in your blurb. 1/5

  • Grammar/Structure: This is where you struggled the most, but this is also where most people struggle. First, you had a lot of issues with tenses. Your tenses tend to go all over the place. This makes your writing sound awkward. Second, you need to work on your grammatical use of dialogue. For more info on how to properly write dialogue, click here. Finally, your vocabulary needs to be expanded. In your prologue, you said “figures” seven times within the first few paragraphs. This is easily remedied with a little thesaurus action, so I don’t cite this as a huge problem. I will say however, that your grammar mistakes were pretty consistently one of these three things, it was not as if every other sentence was just impossible to read. 2.5/5

  • Plot/Character/World Development: This is where you shined. Seriously. Your way of writing character relationships is incredible. I fell in love with characters I had met once and in a prologue. You effortlessly present developed relationships and you continue to show the love between your characters with carefully placed nuances. You don’t need to say “yeah I love my master” when you have a character kiss the master’s head before dying gruesomely for them. Also can we all just agree that you did me wrong with that ending for them! Like, how are you going to make me almost cry over a freaking prologue! You have also developed a world for your characters that immediately sucks a reader in. Wonderful job here. 5/5

  • Writing/Style: First, you have a wonderful writing voice that is somehow both matter-of-fact and emotional. This may sound weird, but it reminds me a bit of a narrator for an emotional movie. There isn’t a whole lot of emotion inherently in the tone of voice, but the details given add some feeling to it. I will say however, that where your voice can sometimes bite you in the butt is with your flow. There is a time and place to state everything as it is. So describe a moon as “shedding light” on something, but there is also a time to add in pizzazz—“the moon shown onto the party like a xyz.” Make sure that you are careful not to be too point-blank with your description. It’s okay to get a bit flowery here and there. It adds a nice lyricism to writing and makes the read less choppy. 4/5

Overall thoughts: Although there are quite a few issues throughout what I have read so far, this book is redeemed in the world you create, your characters, and your writing. I have added it to my personal library, and with some edits, this book could really be something incredible

Floral rating: :hibiscus::hibiscus::hibiscus::hibiscus::white_circle:


The fine print: These are my thoughts and opinions. Feel free to explain anything you feel that I missed, but rude or abrasive comments will be flagged and promptly ignored. If you edit and wish to re-request a critique, feel free to do so. The floral rating is the average of your ratings from the “Thoughts” section and follows basic rules of rounding. E.g. if your average is 3.5 or above, I will round up (a 4 in this case); however, if it is 3.4 or below I will round down (a three in this case). I do NOT choose my “Floral Favorites” based on whether or not I subjectively liked books. Even if something isn’t my cup of tea, I can recognize a great book when I see it.


#302

@juniormint94 @KeriHalfacre @SurroundMe @elfoxwood

Accepted!

You have been added to my waiting list. Remember that the wait is indefinite; thank you in advance for your patience. I will tag you here when you have been moved up the list.


#303

Okay so ouch. I made my own book cover because I can’t really pay anyone on here to make me a decent one. But I’ll see what I can do for the cover and the blurb. The title is kind of hard for me because I seriously don’t know where this story is going so I don’t know the appropriate title but for now Queen is kind of what she’s aiming for so I’m going for that.

So I have an explanation for this. It was supposed to be First POV but then I decided last minute that it’s gonna Third POV that’s why the tenses are a mess. But you made me realize that it sounds awkward. Thank you for that.

Thank you so much. I’m so glad you liked it. But if you get heartbroken here, I’ll make you cry even more later on. :wink:

I’ll make sure to keep that in mind. Thank you so much.

This is messing with my brain.


#304

Title: MOX NOX
Genre: Surrealist Fantasy
Summary:
Mox Nox is a fast-paced novel about dreams and danger with a wafer-thin slice of meta-storytelling, and a-aw, shit, there goes the whole jar of sarcasm.

Elizabeth Hurst is Angry. She’s pulled into confusing dreams every time she shuts her eyes and is having absolutely no luck chasing her mother’s incredibly annoying killer. Nothing makes sense. With the help of Brell and Pasithea, she will come to replace him: Luke Oje. He’s the current Dream-giver, and he’s over-stayed his welcome in the job. Pasithea is the inkslinger, the teller of stories, and the original Dream-giver. She hides far above and sometimes lends a mildly helpful hand. Brell is a genderless ancient roman inventor who is also a cat, well, two cats, who might just be stuck inside an umbrella.

Liz must navigate the forest made of sleep, break into the labyrinthine Manor and claim the dream-giving umbrella. She will face other people’s fears, deadly traps and puzzles, and her own happiness. Just to win a job she’s not even sure she wants.

Link to story: MOX NOX
Number of chapters: 10
Passwords: From the Favorites Reading List: Daisy Dukes. Favorite Place to Visit: Positano, Salerno


#305

additional password: Story that looked interesting: All The Lights Are On