Feedback for feedback

Hello!

I would gladly read your stories and give some feedback. I am really interested, don’t hesitate to ask!

I will read everything except for fanfics.

I don’t have very much experience in poetry and I honestly have no idea how to judge romance stories. Though I can still give it a try!

My main interest is fantasy, and stories with very dark settings.
So, if you write a dark fantasy - it almost already has a place on my reading list.

I will most likely read three chapters but I’ll keep doing so if I like the plot.

All I ask for is to check out my prologue and first chapter (it has two parts) and tell me your opinion. It is fantasy and a slightly dark story. It certainly has high fantasy elements.

Edit: to be honest, I’ve received quite a lot of feedback on my prologue but almost none on my first chapter and the rest of the story will more likely be similar to that. I would really appreciate if you could focus on that.

Please note that I am not a professional or a native English speaker, as follows, I won’t be able to correct your grammar (just the very obvious mistakes). I will give feedback AS A READER.

Oh, and if you’re bored we can chat. Please spam my inbox!

(Please don’t forget to link your story, don’t just tell me its name.)

Link to my story: https://www.wattpad.com/story/190915488-the-darkest-dreams

Have a nice day!

omg yes i was just thinking of this!!!

192414099-144-k266868

https://www.wattpad.com/751649688-love-can-be-killer-once-upon-a-time

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Hi! I’d love to read your story. Here’s mine!
IMG_4235
https://www.wattpad.com/story/171252991-the-case-puzzle

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I’ll read your story if you read mine!! I love feedback

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Okay, deal!

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Awesome I’ve followed you and can’t wait to read your story

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Thanks, I added your book to my list and I’ll check it first thing in the morning since I need to sleep right now. It’s like almost 1am right now.:joy:

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Awesome thanks so much I’m going to read your tonight it sounds like a really good story

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I will also read yours, just to be fair :smiley::smiley:
https://www.wattpad.com/story/107573331-heir-of-sand-and-gold

The kingdom of Ivora is ruled by a greedy king. While his people suffer the king remains blinded by his wealth. Nothing can threaten his rule, except his own flesh and blood. Princess Violet has always had a hard time understanding her father, the king. While his servants clean his jewels, peasants sit by the castle gates weeping and starving. She had always stood apart from her family and was something the people of Ivora desperately needed. Violets path is made clear the day a prince from a neighbouring kingdom arrives to marry her younger sister. With the prince, arrives one of his brothers, who have another plan for the kingdom of Ivora. Her family is blind to the enemy they have let into their home and Violet finds herself is difficult situation. Torn between her family and her kingdom, she must fight.

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Thank you as well😁

What to read mine and I’ll read yours?

Hey, looking forward to reading your work. I’m really into dark stories myself. :smile:

Title: Al Nadaha

Blurb: I remember how my grandmother used to tell me stories about Al Nadaha, that stunningly beautiful woman who waits by the Nile for the unfortunate souls who dare to wander there at night. She would call them by their first name in an alluring and hypnotizing soft voice, and they follow it to the river where they would meet their dreadful fates.

Layla Al-Masry is a pharmacist with a hope to be a successful writer. She writes short horror stories, and articles about supernatural creatures in a renowned magazine and one day, the chief editor asks her to write an article about Al Nadaha, that urban legend that used to terrorize generations.

Layla starts digging for information with the help of a journal she found, but she never imagined that it could lead to that many horrifying incidents.

Story Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/111717545-al-nadaha

Your feedback and critique will be highly appreciated.

Thank you in advance. :blue_heart:

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sounds like a plan!

Anyone who’s here - don’t worry, I’m currently reading! All of these sound very interesting and I’ll definitely check them out!

I read the first three parts, as promised.

It is really good that you showed us your characters. An early description of the look is always a good idea (and I tend to forget this).

We can see what’s in the characters’ heads. It’s easy to relate to them. I especially like in Sky that she has that big remorse, and we know why.

Your descriptions are good. I can imagine the places, actions, etc. Although I feel like you could put in some more. Be bold!

I see that your grammar is not perfect. Do not worry, though - whose is? Just consider taking a second look at it.

Split up some sentences. A common mistake of yours that you put articles before colours. I mean ‘The outside was a smooth black…’ doesn’t need that article.

‘I’ll call in the morning <3’ I see that Sky texted a heart, but I think you can describe it. Did she send Jen a heart because she cared for her? Or does Sky drop hearts in every message she writes?

Altogether, I think you nailed the characters pretty much, but you definitely have to work on your grammar.

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Greetings.

Perennial Sophia

Gothic / Romantic: A gothic lovestory in horror, a macabre celebration in melancholy. A short story about a luxurious ballroom party where a young lady sees something in the darkness outside.

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You clearly have a plan and know what you’re going to do with the story. I was guided and saw what’s going on, yet I couldn’t tell what will happen.

Characters have different personalities. I especially liked Eliyah, that she never understood anything but she played into Haelyn’s hands.

I really like the humorous approach to some unpleasant situations, although be aware of forcing funny sentences.

I kind of felt distracted by the hearts. They felt a bit out of place.

I feel like you don’t like to describe the world - how the characters and places look like. The funny narrative gives an atmosphere itself but it would be best if you could add more descriptions. I can imagine the scenes but I just can’t tell what the characters feel.

The majority of sentences begin with a pronoun. Consider starting them with something else.

Altogether it is very good that I can understand what’s happening without rereading parts.

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Thanks for your feedback. My first chapters are very lacking and I don’t have time right now to edit since I am concentrating on finishing the book first. But all your feedbacks are very helpful because I am implementing them in my current chapters so thanks a lot. :blush:

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Just about to start yours now - I’m a sucker for a fantasy. Mines also a fantasy - hopefully you’ll enjoy it! The Protetturi: The Beginning of the End

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Since you gave me feedback sooner than I did, I felt like continuing with your story would show that I am very grateful.

The descriptions and characters are interesting, my mind didn’t wander off while reading - despite that I tend to do that.

The flow was just right, making me read always more.

I couldn’t point out obvious grammatical mistakes. (To be honest by your comment I already knew you are far beyond my English level…)

The sentences felt a bit long. Although I know you’ve seen my work and know I mostly stick to short sentences.

There were words that interrupted the flow, however. (Like I said), I adored the descriptions but those kind of made me dragged back to reality. I’m thinking of words like ‘shot’ and ‘cute’.

The semicolons before dialogues are a thing I don’t think as necessities. I suggest you reread those parts and decide whether you want to keep them or not.

Altogether I loved the story. The pace was perfect. It is very well-written, I enjoyed it very much.

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