Fellow Undiscovered Writers 7


#8994

Eh
9 mins isn’t that long


#8995

True.


#8996

And it’s funny because it was from one second to the other.


#8997

Oof. I’m typing a paper for a class that I have to submit in a little under an hour. Thankfully it only has to be two pages double-spaced but I’m a procrastinator sooo


#8998

PM sent. Just about had a heart attack from Twitter today.


#8999

I’m just sitting here, at my desk, finishing up the latest chapter for one of my novels.
It’s about dinner time (5:00 PM), but I’m not feeling too hungry right now.


#9000

It’s about 7 PM here and I should be eating dinner soon myself. I’m not particularly hungry but I work so much between classes and my job that I forget to eat sometimes. Guess I should do that after I type my paper


#9001

Sorta funny how that works, how focusing intensely on something can draw your attention away from hunger enough that you don’t feel it.


#9002

I hate politics almost as much as my MC. XD


#9003

Huh…?


#9004

Oh! I think I can copy paste excerpts from my novels to here; do you think I should so you guys can preview, or do you think it’d be against the rules? After all, it seems the mods don’t come after you unless it’s a link.


#9005

I’m still relatively new to the forums but I wouldn’t see an issue with it. I’m always open to follow others and check out their stories though so I’d love to read an excerpt or two!


#9006

I hate writing the politics of my kingdom almost as much as my MC hates participating in them.


#9007

Excerpt #1: Circus Baby encounter #2

Elizabeth reached the doorway, careful to stay out of sight of the other children.

She peeked around the corner of the doorway, scanning the room for the stage.

To her left, there were several tables lined up against the wall, forming a line to the back of the room.

The tablecloths were decorated with colorful triangles printed on them, and what seemed to be party hats stood on top of the tables. Balloons floated in seemingly random spots around the room.

The right side of the room mirrored the left with more tables.

There, between the left and right sides of the room against the back wall, was the stage.

Elizabeth found herself staring at the floor of the stage, where giant red shoes were. White legs extended up out of the shoes. Not much further up was a bright red skirt. The stomach appeared to be mildly exposed, and there was an orange triangle in the middle, which bordered what appeared to be some sort of fan.

Above that was a red top with short, frilly sleeves.

The arms and hands, like the legs, were a pale white.

The character’s cheeks were painted bright red, along with her lips. Her mouth was curved into a friendly smile.

Above a bright red nose were two large, sky-blue eyes. Two small, purple eyebrows were at the top of her face.

For some unknown reason, you could see several black lines along her face that almost appeared to be openings; they extended from the side of her face, over her eyebrows, to the other side of her face, from the side of her face, over the bridge of her nose, to the other side of her face, and then there was another line that went straight down the middle of her face.

Her hair was bright orange, and done up into two pigtails.

Circus Baby.

At the moment, Circus Baby was entertaining a few children that had run up to the stage. She couldn’t see Elizabeth. Elizabeth supposed this was a good thing, as Circus Baby might report seeing Elizabeth to William, which would get her in trouble.

Elizabeth couldn’t really make out what Circus Baby was saying to the children-she wasn’t speaking into the microphone she was holding-but Elizabeth briefly made out that she was asking something about balloons.

The children in front of the stage shouted “yes!” excitedly.

Circus Baby then raised her right hand, folding all her fingers into her palm except her pointer finger, and pointed loosely upward. Elizabeth could hear the faint hiss of air.

Suddenly, Elizabeth realized what Circus Baby was doing; she was blowing up a balloon!

A straight blue balloon started to raise out of the hole in her pointer finger, quickly tying it off, and after a second of bending the balloon quickly in ways that Elizabeth couldn’t fathom, the balloon was shaped like a giraffe! Elizabeth’s jaw dropped in awe, and she watched, fascinated, as Circus Baby made a few more, giving them out to the children who had asked for them.

As Circus Baby gave out the last one, she looked up, gaze locking with Elizabeth’s.

Elizabeth quickly ducked behind the doorway, heart racing.

She can’t see me. Then Daddy will know!

“Elizabeth! What are you doing here? I thought I told you to go play with your brother!” William said, right next to Elizabeth.

She jumped, then turned to face William.

“But Daddy, you let the other children go see her. Why won’t you let me go? She can make balloons! Have you seen her make balloons? Oh, Daddy, let me go to her. Didn’t you make her just for me?” Elizabeth pleaded.

“It’s not safe for you to go see her at the moment, especially alone like you were. Wait until tomorrow, okay? I promise I’ll fix her tonight,” William said.

Elizabeth looked at the ground, disappointed.


#9008

Excerpt #2: Mettaton EX pre-boss fight scene

“Oh, yes. There you are, darling,” Mettaton says menacingly, acknowledging my presence. His tone has an edge of boredom to it.

“It’s time to have our little showdown. It’s time to finally stop the ‘malfunctioning’ robot…NOT! Malfunction? Reprogramming? Get real. This was all just a big show. An act. Alphys has been playing you for a fool the whole time. As she watched you on the screen, she grew attached to your adventure. She desperately wanted to be a part of it; so she decided to insert herself into your story. She reactivated puzzles, she disabled elevators, she enlisted me to torment you…all so she could save you from dangers that didn’t exist. All so you would think she’s the great person that she’s not; and now, it’s time for her finest hour. At this very moment, Alphys is waiting outside the room. During our ‘battle’, she will interrupt. She will pretend to ‘deactivate’ me, ‘saving’ you one final time. Finally, she’ll be the heroine of your adventure. You’ll regard her so highly, she’ll even be able to convince you not to leave…or not. You see, I’ve had enough of this predictable charade. I have no desire to harm humans; far from it, actually. My only desire is to entertain. After all, the audience deserves a good show, don’t they? …and what’s a good show…without a plot twist?!”

The door behind me then shuts and locks.

“H-hey! W-what’s going on?! Th-the door just locked itself!!!” Alphys calls from behind the door, pounding on it.

My stomach drops.

Was Mettaton right about everything…?

Disco lights light up on the floor, creating a circle around Mettaton.

“Sorry, folks! The old program’s been cancelled…but we’ve got a finale for you that will drive you wild!” Mettaton says enthusiastically.

The ground I’m on raises higher and higher, the walls around me displaying colorful lights.

“Real drama, real action, real bloodshed, on our new show…‘attack of the killer robot!’” Mettaton announces, his tone sinister, the robot towering over me menacingly.

“Yes, I was the one who re-arranged the core! I was the one that hired everyone to kill you! That, however, was a short-sighted plan. You know what would be a hundred times better? …Killing you myself!!!” Mettaton taunts.

I press the action button on my phone, shooting at Mettaton, but he seems invulnerable to it now.

“That worthless pea-shooter won’t work on me, darling. Don’t you understand what acting is?” Mettaton says, tsking at me.

I still refuse to attack him in any other way.

“Listen, darling. I’ve seen you fight. You’re weak. If you continue forward, Asgore will take your soul; and with your soul, Asgore will destroy humanity,” Mettaton says.

Boxes suddenly fly at me from in front of Mettaton; thankfully, the pea-shooter is able to break them before they slam into me.

The rest of the boxes pass by me, leaving me without a scratch.

“…but if I get your soul, I can stop Asgore’s plan! I can save humanity from destruction!”

Mettaton attacks me again, and I barely manage to dodge it.

“Then, using your soul, I’ll cross through the barrier, and become the star I’ve always dreamed of being! Hundreds, thousands…no, millions of humans will watch me!”

Mettaton rolls diagonally left to right, making his way toward me with his arm extended, trying to slap me with it; I shoot at the arm, and the arm returns to Mettaton’s side, allowing me to dodge it.

Mettaton seems to flinch.

This repeats a few more times, before boxes and a bomb follow, flying at me.

I destroy one of the boxes, and the rest of the attack passes right by me.

“Glitz! Glamour! I’ll finally have it all! So what if a few people have to die?! That’s show business, baby!”

My phone rings; it’s Alphys. I answer it.

“U-uh, I can’t see what’s going on in there, but…don’t give up, okay?! Th…there’s one last way to beat Mettaton…it’s…um…it’s…this is a work in progress, so don’t judge it too hard…you know how Mettaton always faces forward? That’s because there’s a switch on his backside. S-so if you can turn him around…um…and, um…p-p-p-press the switch, he’ll be…um…he’ll be…vulnerable,” Alphys advises.

After a moment, Alphys says she has to leave, and hangs up.

I think for a moment.

How do you get Mettaton to reveal a spot he’s trying to hide?

…He’s an entertainer, and obviously quite vain…maybe trying to convince him there’s a mirror behind him will get him to turn around?

“Hey, Mettaton! There’s a mirror behind you!” I shout, pointing behind him with a sincere look, nodding to the audience I see surrounding the arena.

“Oh? A mirror? Right, I have to look perfect for our grand finale!”

Mettaton turns around, revealing a switch on his back.

He looks for the mirror, confused.

“Hmm…I don’t see it…where is it…?” Mettaton murmurs.

Before he catches on, I flip the switch on his back, and he whirls around, facing me.

“Did you. just flip. my switch?!” Mettaton asks, agitated and nervous.

He then places his hands over his head like he has a headache, and the lights on his face start flashing crazily, making it look like he’s going to explode.

A blinding white flash fills the room, then some spot lights lower from the roof.

They turn on, revealing white stage smoke.

What’s going on…?

I suddenly see a human like silhouette in the smoke.

“Ohhh my. If you flipped my switch, that can only mean one thing…you’re desperate for the premiere of my new body! How rude…lucky for you, I’ve been aching to show this thing off for a long time. So…as thanks, I’ll give you a handsome reward. I’ll make your last living moments…”

Mettaton steps out of the mist, heels clicking on the tile, and a hand flies to my mouth. How did Alphys do this?!

Mettaton now has thin legs, and hot pink, high heeled boots extending up to his knees. He’s wearing black leggings, and what appears to be a belt is securely around his waist. Where the buckle should be, there’s a glass chamber that has a heart surrounded by a pink aura in it. The part of what would be the shirt that’s covering his upper body is hot pink, and on his right chest is a speaker, a dial on his left chest. Silver shoulder pads cover his shoulders, and instead of the old grey, his arms now have a silver, almost mechanical blue shine to them. What would be the skin of his neck and face are a mechanical silver that’s shining, almost sparkling, in the stage lights. He has a face that, by many standards, would be handsome, and his jet black hair covers his left eye in a long swoop bang. The black hair then extends to the beginning of his neck.

“…absolutely BEAUTIFUL,” Mettaton finishes with a grin.


#9009

I’m done with the excerpts unless more are requested. So, what do you guys think of them?


#9010

Ah.


#9011

I think they’re pretty solid. Sorry if my response is kind of dull as I’m finishing up my paper (who knew two pages would be this challenging). I think the description and amount of detail put in reflects well. The dialogue is amusing and animated which is nice considering I feel like the bulk of what I read is meant to be pretty cut and dry. Pretty good so far I’d say.


#9012

Thanks!
The dialogue in the Mettaton EX pre-boss fight scene (except for the player’s dialogue, which is nonexistant in-game) is taken directly from the Undertale game.
As for the Circus Baby encounter scene, that one was mostly created by my imagination; Circus Baby herself tells the story of what happened in one of the Five Nights at Freddy’s games, and so I took that basic summary and re-created it. That’s just a little bit of it, and is an event leading up to another, bigger event. There’s only one time that the dialogue matches what’s in the game, and that is where Elizabeth is talking to William (her Dad) after he asks what she’s doing there. That dialogue is clipped from one of the several dialogue bits you hear Elizabeth speak at the beginning of the nights in Sister Location.


#9013

they’re better than the stuff i do, that’s for sure, keep up the good work