First Chapter Feedback (CLOSED for catchup)

feedback-offered

#1

My experience: I have been a lifelong reader and writer, and have honed my critiquing skills on the website Scribophile.

I’m offering: A critique of your first chapter, including first impressions, things that I liked, things that could be clearer, opportunities for development, etc.

Payment: I would ask that you critique the first chapter of my novel, Spectacle.

If interested, comment below with a description of your story. I am partial to historical fiction, sci-fi, and fantasy, and I will have to decline reading anything sexually explicit.


#2

Hello Carol Anne, I am completely new here and am rather lost I have to say! Not quite sure I understand what is going on!! But then I am getting on a bit so am like a fish out of water.
I have written about 250 pages of my first novel, a murder mystery set in the town I have been living in in Italy for the last 23 years. I am from London.
I could really do with a critique by an objective reader.
I decided to try my hand at a murder mystery to make my life difficult and challenge myself as I do not believe I have the brains to do it. Thus the challenge!!!
My story is based on characters who live and work at the Monumental cemetery of Staglieno in Genova, Italy and the hamlet that lies in the hills overlooking the cemetery called Sant’Antonino where I actually live. The cemetery here is in fact the largest in Europe.
I have created a story that includes a little about the history of the town, Italian politics, corruption, and of course there is a death by murder.
What do you think? Would you be Interested in reading the first chapter?


#3

The Kingdom Of peryton white


#4

Sure! It sounds interesting! Can you reply with a link?


#5

@HP_fandom_N I’d love if you could check out my first chapter. The link is here:https://www.wattpad.com/story/184518248-spectacle


#6

Did you find me okay?


#7

@laura24pritchard What is your username on wattpad? I searched laura24pritchard and nothing came up.


#8

Try this link
<iframe width=“500” height=“280” frameborder=“0” allowfullscreen="" src=“https://embed.wattpad.com/story/182814087” ></iframe>


#9

Hello! If you are still taking people I’d love a spot.

Author Name: @GooseAndMaverick
Story Description: Aksana Kastel, a young royal guard in the Moldova court, spends most of her time enjoying the freedom and convenience of her families position as trusted and highly paid. Not much more than training and enjoyment take precedence to the entitled twenty-three-year-old.

During a surprise attack on Moldova, Aksana supersedes her life in place of the Kings only son and heir, as she swore to do dutifully.

Over her stay at the Turkish National prison, she befriends a cautious guard named Emery and the two bond over their inability to decide their own fates. As they both grow closer Aksana spends her time fighting for her life and negotiating the perilous courts of her life long enemy, all the while accepting her inescapable destiny.

When the fate of the entire kingdom rests on her shoulders, will Aksana Kastel rise to fight-or fade away?

Only time will tell.

Set in the late 14th century, this book is a fictional take on Stephan III of Moldova’s reign and subsequent conflicts with a rising Ottoman Empire.

Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/24798303-dragon-son's-apprentice

Once I’ve been accepted I’ll complete payment :slight_smile:


#10

@GooseAndMaverick It sounds AMAZING! Such an original concept. I’d love to give feedback on it.


#11

got it!


#12

@laura24pritchard done. I read your prologue and chapter 1 and left comments. I’d recommend breaking up your text into actual separate chapters on wattpad for your readers.


#13

I really loved your feedback, would you be interested in doing the same thing for chapter 2 and 3?


#14

@GooseAndMaverick I would, but I won’t be able to get to it until later tonight.


#15

I will be training tonight so I will go ahead and do them now, thank you!


#16

Hi there! I would love it if you could read the first chapter of my book, The Pineapple Fountain.

Genre: New Adult (romance/adventure)

Summary: The story of a college graduate who decides that there is more to life than just living after an accident almost kills her. Mia decides to take risks and drop everything, including her family, her friends, and her boyfriend to pursue the life full of excitement she has been craving. Mia’s adventures take her on a trip full of self-love and growth. But is this fantasized life worth the sacrifices she has made? After months of meeting new people and experiencing all life has to offer, Mia must choose between the life she has always wanted and the life she has always had.

link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/184649460-the-pineapple-fountain

Going to read and critique your story now :slight_smile:


#17

Thank you Carol. Your comments have certainly helped and inspiration has returned to me. I appreciate your time.


#18

Your welcome @laura24pritchard! I enjoyed your story. I’d love if you could check out my first chapter. The link is here:https://www.wattpad.com/story/184518248-spectacle