First Memoir Query- Seeking Constructive Critique

So this is the first time I am sharing this with anyone and I could use some help. I feel like i did my query writing research but still I could find very little about writing a memoir query and therefore just had to go for it.
I appreciate any feedback you may have for improvement. Thanks in advance for taking a look. Excited to hear other ideas!

Dear ???,

I am currently seeking representation for my book How I Came To Be Me. Since you are a memoir publisher, interested in stories about human perseverance and triumph over adversity, I thought you might be interested.

I was nine years old the first time I had to save myself from a life threatening situation. When I got through it I realized that I had been guided to safety. And somehow I knew that I always would be- except when I would not listen.

From near death experiences to magical adventures, from falling in love with a heroin addict to being blessed by a Brazilian voodoo deity, this is a story about my evolution- a spiritual creative with a keen intuition whose desire is to grow up to become a renowned artist, but whose life leads her down a sometimes dangerous, sometimes enlightening path, she has followed since birth.
As an artist, I have received a number of awards, national press articles and an online following in the thousands. I have traveled to many countries to share my work as a costume and body artist and have begun to combine art and wildlife rescue work.
How I Came to Be Me is a personal memoir containing 64,446 words. It would appeal to teens and adult women who are looking for inspiration to realize their strengths, showing them that your past does not define who you are.
Thank you in advance for your time and consideration. May I send you my professionally edited, print-ready manuscript for review?

Hi there :wave:

As this appears to be related to the publishing industry, you might receive more relevant responses in the #industry-insider club. I’ve moved this thread there for you.

Thanks for understanding,

Hollie - Community Ambassador :azanthiel:

It’s very good. Some editing considerations:

Either put the title in italics or all caps.

I’d change “thought you might be interested” to “thought you would be.” Be more confident.

Where you use a hyphen, use an em-dash, as in “…always would be—except when…” and “…my evolution—a spiritual…”

Instead of “…, sometimes enlightening path, she has followed since birth,” I’d change it to “…sometimes enlightening path. One she has followed since birth.” To me, it sounds stronger.

Of course “As an artist…,” “How I Came…,” and “Thank you…” are new paragraphs.

Instead of “…is a personal memoir containing 64,446 words,” I’d write it “…is a 64,446 word personal memoir.”

Thank you. I was not sure.

Great I appreciate this. I should have looked more closely at how it turned out after i copy and pasted it. The title is italicized in original. And thanks for that about the em-dash. Someone else recommended that as well but i could not find on keyboard so now have done a google search and its added. I loved all of your advice Blayde.