Free & Constructive Feedback

Hello out there! I am looking for a little side project to distract me from school, so I figure I could help out as a reader and give honest feedback on some writing. I’ll read anything except poetry and fan fiction, only because I’m not very familiar with these genres and don’t feel like I can give any helpful insight.

I’ll guarantee feedback on at least two chapters. Beyond that I’ll try to continue reading and commenting if I’m truly hooked into your story. You might end up with a new dedicated reader and a spot on a reading list, who knows?

If you’re interested, please submit in the following format:

1. Title & Genre

2. Brief Summary

3. Story Link

4. Help tailor the feedback you get! Let me know of there’s anything you want specific critiques on. Character, prose, pacing, grammar, plot, etc. Whatever your heart desires!

No payment required! If you want to see where I’m coming from, you can check out my profile, but it’s not necessary.

1. Title & Genre: Fractured Red is a werewolf/adventure novel.

2. Brief Summary: Redaliya learned quickly that the world doesn’t give second chances. After an ill-fated choice, her time is ticking; she goes in search of the only things she can’t have. A cure.
~~
A gift given, and the balance tipped;
there is always a penalty to be paid.


Longer Summary

If you asked shifters about a female named Opalescence Alkingsly they wouldn’t understand and if you asked them about the legend of Red, it sometimes sparked a distant memory worn away with the passage of time. However, more often than not it too would be met with a look of confusion.

Legends sometimes fade, forgotten, and lost within the past. But the few that remember, and pass on the tales, for them the legends live on.

~~

From the moment she was born, Red was destined to leave her mark on the world. Both blessed to make a change and cursed to find her end, she wants for something the world cannot give her. A second chance. Her visions were painful, driving her to stain her hands with blood. All Red ever wanted was to wash her hands clean, but as she learns quickly, some stains aren’t so easy to remove.

One family member dead, one curse, and one choice, was all it took to set her along a path with no way out. The consequences of one’s action never give second chances as Red finds out. She travels in search of a cure, and her past will affect her future.

In the end two will have died. One by Red’s hand and one will be her.

~~

Her tale, forgotten by many in the sands of time, her choices built a foundation.


3. Story Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/190078674-fractured-red

4. Help tailor the feedback you get! I would really like to know if you think the prologue is necessary, if there are any points you think there should be more dialogue, if you get bored/find yourself skimming, or are finding yourself confused <-- I guess that’s pacing. And lastly, what you think of the characters :smiley:

I’m not too worried about grammar and spelling for it is a rough draft.

Thank you so much for considering!!! :blush::yellow_heart:

1 Like

1. Title & Genre
Death of the Flowers, YA Fantasy

2. Brief Summary
Aaron was never meant to be king.

He was a bastard, raised to be in the palace’s shadow, not ruling it. Never ruling it. However, when the king’s health starts to deteriorate and his true heir is nowhere to be seen, Aaron might just have to accept the crown.

Between fighting a mysterious group, trying to find his brother and trying to stay alive, Aaron realizes there is more to magic than what he’d always thought.

3. Story Link
https://www.wattpad.com/story/192648942

4. Help tailor the feedback you get!
I’m mostly looking for feedback on plot and characters, but you can point out anything you deem important.

Thank you!

  1. Elysian is a romance / mystery story

  2. Brief summary:

Almost ten years have passed since Lauren Taylor and Jotaro Kujo have separated, their once-blossoming relationship dashed to absolutely nothing. He fell in love with and married another, starting a family while she wandered the world.

But through a bizarre series of events, Lauren travels to Sendai, Japan, a city that Jotaro knows almost too well. When they reunite, old memories come rushing back. Although, with Sendai’s murky secrets and lurking dangers, the past that Lauren had feared will inevitably catch them both.

  1. Story link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/198910136-✨elysian

  2. Tailor: I think I’d just like feedback on characters, but you can point out anything that would really deter you from reading it in general

Thank you ! The first chapter is a little physically graphic and 18 +, but you can skip over it !

This would be great!

Title/Link: Isaiah’s Story
Genre: Paranormal Horror/Adventure
Summary: 10 year old Isaiah Bradford’s family inherits a creepy house from an unknown relative. He finds a mysterious box has been left for him an when he solves the puzzle and opens the box, he will embark on an adventure to a dark and perilous land.

1. Title & Genre The Ex- Romance

2. Brief Summary The perfect man just proposed and what was my answer? NO. Why, you ask? I’m too scared to get my heartbroken AGAIN. Now we’re on an indefinite break. Until he finally comes to his senses, I have to distract myself. All I have to do is focus on running my own restaurant and making sure my best friends have the greatest wedding on earth as their maid of honour. Simple, right? WRONG. Guess who re-enters my life after 5 long years? My heart-breaker ex. He’s the best man. And he’s not about to make things easy.

3. Story Link https://www.wattpad.com/story/187037334-the-ex

4. Help tailor the feedback you get! Any feedback on the characters and your thoughts about the plot would be greatly appreciated :slight_smile: thanks!

Hi! I’d love to know if my first few chapters have it to hold readers’ interest.

Title: Obsidian

Genre: Fantasy

Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/184061894-obsidian

Summary:

The centuries-long war between two races is coming to an end; its outcome rests on the shoulders of a king, a prince, an oracle, a slave, a young girl destined to end the war, and the love that turns them all into monsters they never thought they’d become.

Hey, I’d really be grateful if you check my book “The Storyteller”. It’s the first work I’ve ever published on Wattpad. Hope you enjoy and happy reading!

TITLE & GENRE: The Storyteller, Epic Fantasy

LINK: https://my.w.tt/X25Hsfr9TZ

BLURB: Tales are not just tales. They are a part of the truth we must seek for and find, no matter the cost.

“My mission is diplomacy, not murder.”

Angels are very rare creatures to see walk on Earth - that’s certain. Malak must go as a Messenger of Peace to Liberal City of Yash to try and put an end to the war and to give freedom to the Kazjéh who’ve been fighting for it all their lives long and for generations, supported by the Yashivs and Benan in secret too, Sultane of Impure Demons, offering them a solution. But it turns out this solution doesn’t mean what her pure mind thought it could mean and be used for.

“I am the one who makes hell on the battlefields happen, but, please, do not fear me, as I am as well the one who is seeking paradise.”

Barin is a young man, about twenty-nine years old, who’s joined the Third Division of the Army of Justice as he was only eighteen. It’s been eleven years since that moment, but Barin still deludes himself into thinking he fights for the Djimanatá and for what his religion taught him all his life long. Born in a noble family, he was educated to believe that. But fate arranges a meeting for him in a Tavern of Sephrin with the Angel Malak and the Half Demon Donovan. Will he put an end to his regrets and doubts understanding what went wrong and how to fix it or simply escape them choosing damnation?

“You’re actually a nice person. Only a darker version of that. Because you don’t want to show it and they don’t want to understand you.”

Half Demon Donovan shares the huge powers of the devils but not their selfishness and points of view on life. More as a tradition rather than for vocation, he joined the Army of Justice and became a Grand Officer of the Fifth Division. But meeting Malak turns his world upside down too.

It’s true - a Demon should not seek for a home; he should act only on instincts and desires. But is it true that Fallen Angels cannot love?

I’d like to hear your feedback on everything that impresses you: what you like about my characters and writing, the story setting and plot, what you think about the grammar (as English is not my first language), your suggestions. Whatever you want to comment will be welcomed with open arms!

Thank you for reading this, hope you check out my book! Looking forward to hearing from you :blush:

Done! You’re a really strong writer, and it really seems like you have a clear direction with where you’re going with your story. I think with just some editing and restructuring, you’ll be good as gold. :blush:

1 Like

Thank you so much for the feedback, Ill definitely take it when I edit :smiley:

Done! I enjoyed it a lot, I find the conflict you’re building up to super engaging. I love stories about how people deal with roles of power and leadership and think it’s a great way to examine character, which seems to be what you’re aiming for. From the start the conflict is super clear and it works to get the reader interested in the plot. Overall, good job!

Hey, I would love to get some constructive feedback on the opening of my story, if of course it catches your interest :slight_smile:

Title: Siren
Genre: New Adult Romance

Brief Summary: Mute since the tragic accident, Ashlyn Holland has lived a quiet life in her childhood home, haunted daily by the shadow of her Father’s memory, but too afraid to let him go. Instead, she passes the day serving coffee and kindness, avoiding the ocean at all costs.

When Derek moves to town, however, her routine is interrupted, and the fears that have always held her back are challenged. As their relationship develops and Ashlyn finds freedom in love, disaster lingers in the back ready to strike. And when it does, it will either bring them closer together or tear them apart.

Story link: https://www.wattpad.com/698783089-siren

Help tailor the feedback you get: I would like to know what you think of the opening, especially your opinion on the prologue and the chapter that follows immediately after (do you think that they are both necessary)? Any points you have as to what could be done differently to make it more interesting to read would also be appreciated, and any thoughts on the main character also.

I just realised that that is a lot of requests for the feedback, sorry :confused:

Thank you for your consideration and for this opportunity :slight_smile:

Thank you so much! It means a lot that you took the time to read and review my book.

1. Title & Genre Beastly Little Boy, Fantasy

2. Brief Summary An unruly ten year old boy, consumed by grief after the death of his father two years ago, has gradually turned into a bear. His mother has him captured and sent deep into the forest after she realizes that she cannot properly care for him. Now left to fend for himself, Bernard must adapt to life in the wilderness while struggling to preserve what’s left of his humanity.

3. Story Link https://www.wattpad.com/story/25035447-beastly-little-boy

4. Help tailor the feedback you get! I always love hearing about what moments stood out the most, whether for good reasons or bad ones.

Thanks!

Cole, 2653 (Science Fiction)

In 2653, android archaeologist Cole sells human relics to a genetically engineered population obsessed with the homo sapiens, who departed for greener galaxies centuries ago. When one of their spaceships suddenly returns, he finds his profession on the verge of extinction … as well as his grasp on reality.

https://www.wattpad.com/story/186757150-cole-2653

I’ve received plenty of feedback on the opening of the story being slow paced, heavy on exposition and world-building, etcetera… If you find these things bothering, feel free to let me know, but I’m wondering if there’s any other criticisms that can be made.

Title and Genre: A Warriors Awakening:A New Life Part 1 is a action story
2. Brief Summary: It’s about a guy named Janera Ace that lives in Japan and loves Martial arts. He meets 3 people named Mila,Joey and Garet. He tries to them to join the dojo and tries to get Sensei train them to learn Martial arts, learn the value of teamwork and most importantly improve them as people and teaches them how to get threw there hardships.
Story link:https://www.wattpad.com/story/154197982-a-warriors-awakening-a-new-life-part-1
A Warriors Awakening:A New Life Part 1 - cawinbush00 - Wattpad
4. Help tailor the feedback you get: Let me know if you think my characters are good or bad. Also tell me if you think the dialogue is good or bad.

Sugarcane and Indigo (paranormal/romance/murder mystery)


https://www.wattpad.com/story/197645294-sugarcane-and-indigo

In the hidden town of Nowhere, Louisiana hides a secret. A secret that’s been guarded closely since the founders - a group of rebel slaves possessing the juju - had created the town from the burning ashes of their master’s plantation. The secret that’s been closely guarded for hundreds of years? A god lives there and protects the town.

The rules of the god’s blessing are simple: stay within the town’s borders and nothing can harm you, never leave the town’s magical border, one person in each generation must always give up their magic to re-strengthen the town’s barrier, and the most important: never tell an outsider the secret.

Fast-forward a few centuries and Lavender Fletch, a descendant of one of the original slaves, is chosen to give up her magic in service to the god. Across the street, Indigo Byrd, moves in. 12 years ago his sister and Lavender’s best friend, Violet, disappeared. He enlists Lavender’s help in uncovering what really happened all those years ago. Blocked by the townsmen at every turn, they must rely on each other if they are going to find out the truth and escape with their love and their lives intact.

Will Lavender give up her powers to the god? Will Indigo ever find out what happened to his little sister? Will they both be killed before they admit that they want each other? And perhaps the most important question, what does the god want with them both?

1. Title & Genre
SSS Galatic

2. Brief Summary
Stephanie is found on a ship with a harem of men. She is in love with who? find out!

3. Story Link
https://www.wattpad.com/783122062-sss-galatic-whyyyyyyyyy

4. Help tailor the feedback you get! My friend posted a comedic painfully short yet wonderful short story. They will hate me but love the feedback. Because it is a strange request I am willing to do anything, but I know you don’t have payments. I just think it would make their day.

No payment required! If you want to see where I’m coming from, you can check out my profile, but it’s not necessary.

Title and Genre: The Legend of the Moonflower Princess; Fantasy

Brief Summary: After her adopted younger brother is kidnapped by the minions of a mad sorcerer, a young woman must journey through a magical, perilous world in order to rescue him.

Story Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/168611872-the-legend-of-the-moonflower-princess

Feedback: Feedback concerning character (and everything that entails) is always welcome :slightly_smiling_face:

Done! I had a really fun time reading this. You write the banter between Lauren and Kira super well, it feels realistic and demonstrates character in ways that shows the reader instead of upright stating facts and exposition. Line by line the writing was super clear and fluent, your descriptions are as strong as your dialogue. Introducing the mystery and more fantastical elements of your story could be done more gradually, to make sure the reader doesn’t feel like they’re losing their grip on the story when you establish something new.

1 Like