Free First 5 | Feedback on the First 5 Chapters

Hi :wave: I’m Alex and, yes, you read that correctly. I am offering free feedback on your first 5 chapters!

As a reader, I find that the first five chapters of a book can be fatal. I can either lose myself in the story or lose interest altogether. But as a writer, these first five chapters can be a bit difficult to write and even more difficult to share.

I’m sure many of you are like me in that you hold your story close to your heart. I understand how scary it is to put your precious work out there for all to see and how painful it can be when you receive that first harsh critique. However, as I’m sure you know, critiques and feedback are important if you wish to improve your writing.

That is why I will do my best to be fair while also remaining kind and respectful when giving feedback on your story. I will be sure to offer tips to improve while also noting what aspects I liked about your story thus far.

This offer is open to all though I do have a few rules that you MUST follow:

  1. I do not accept any stories that contain gore and/or heavy amounts of sexual content. Sorry, just not my cup of tea :tea:
  2. Please remember to be kind and keep in mind that it may take me a while to get to your story.

Make sure to use the form below when entering! Your story will not be read if you fail to do so.

Username:
Title of Book:
Short Summary:
Insecurities (Is there anything in your writing that you feel insecure about? i.e. flow, dialogue, grammar):
Your Favorite Food:

You will know when I have accepted your story when I have added it to my reading list titled: “First 5”. When I begin reading, I will leave one (or more) positive comment on each chapter and, once I have completed all 5 chapters, I will send you a PM with my feedback. Be sure to follow the rules I have set up (especially the form!) and you will be on your way!

:two_hearts: Love, Alex :two_hearts:

Username: LigerCat
Title of Book: Eternity’s Dime
Short Summary: An asexual tries to deal with having a soulmate. (Too short?)
Insecurities (Is there anything in your writing that you feel insecure about? i.e. flow, dialogue, grammar): Probably, but I don’t know what.
Your Favorite Food: Uh, pizza?

1 Like

Hi alex

I am interested in this service. Although I have to say that thus far only chapter 1 is published on wattpad. But i already finished chapter 1-5. If you have read chapter 1 and it is a little more convenient for you we can work out a way for me to share the other 4 chapters with you

Form:
username: General-Riolu
Title: The white order
Summary: The land of Naezir is ruled over by a gentle king and his wife. Their son Leo is destined to one day become the ruler of the land, but Leo never asked to become king. All he ever wanted is to join the mysterious white order. A group of magic wielders who independently protect the land and its people.
but joining the order is no easy task, the members of the order handpick those they deem worthy to become an apprentice.
After meeting one of the orders masters, Leo manages to convince him and his father to let him join the order
Join Leo and his new companion Lapis on their adventures as they train to become the orders newest members.
Insecurities: don’t know mabye the grammar
Favourite food: gotta go with Pizza my dude.
Link: https://my.w.tt/yFez4MDBD0 (hope that link is correct.)

Note I am aware of the formatting issue in chapter 1. It shouldn’t be too bad. But due to the fact that I copy pasted the text from a google docs. It has some issues still I am working on inproving that for the next chapters.

And with that we have reached the end of this reply.
I hope you find you enjoy my story
And if you want the next chapters before I publish them just shoot me a PM and we’ll work that out

Cheers Bart

1 Like

Username: @BitchxPotato
Title: Miss Perfect
Summary: A story about the life of the school’s popular girl and if she’s actually “perfect” or not
Insecurities: not much, just if it’s interesting and creative enough ig
Favourite food: Poutine

Thank you so much

1 Like

Username: CaGarrud
Title of Book: Inverted
Short Summary: A daredevil who survives a fatal crash ends up the unwitting host of an unknown presence.
Insecurities (Is there anything in your writing that you feel insecure about? i.e. flow, dialogue, grammar): mainly I want to know if you would read on!
Your Favorite Food: sushi

Link to book: https://www.wattpad.com/704045987

1 Like

Username: Wocalich
Title of Book: Psetha Rewritten
Short Summary: The narrator becomes a god, only to have the future of eventually going mad hanging over him.
Insecurities (Is there anything in your writing that you feel insecure about? i.e. flow, dialogue, grammar): pacing and grammar
Your Favorite Food: pilav
Link: here

I only have the first four chapters up so please let me know if that’s a deal-breaker. Thank you in advance!

1 Like

Username: The3rdIN
Title of the book: Snow White and the SEVEN GODS
Summary:

“Mirror on the wall! Mirror on the wall!
Who is the BRAVEST of them all!?”

The father of Snow White, Khauleous, was a living legend, the king of gods and titans. When a mysterious goddess marries her father to become the queen, Snow White’s mistrust on her proves itself.

Khauleous gets murdered and Snow White is exiled out of the castle to the world of chaos. And the tension begins to arise between the gods and titans.

Can Snow White slay the seven unknown gods as she had promised her late deceased mother?

Can she trust the mysterious man, whose blue eyes go as deep as the ocean?

Link:https://www.wattpad.com/story/122252266-snow-white-and-the-seven-gods

Insecurities: The coverpage. I do not know if it is attractive enough.

Favourite food : Manchurian

I only have one chapter up, shall publish the second one soon enough, so please let me know if that’s okay for the deal. Thank you!

1 Like

Thank you so much for offering to do this. I know what a big task it is and the amount of time that it asks of you, and I really appreciate it :slight_smile: Thank you for this opportunity.

Username: houseofmirrors
Title of Book: Siren

Short Summary

Mute since the tragic accident, Ashlyn Holland has lived a quiet life in her childhood home, haunted daily by the shadow of her Father’s memory, but too afraid to let him go. Instead, she passes the day serving coffee and kindness, avoiding the ocean at all costs.

When Derek moves to town, however, her routine is interrupted, and the fears that have always held her back are challenged. As their relationship develops and Ashlyn finds freedom in love, disaster lingers in the back ready to strike. And when it does, it will either bring them closer together or tear them apart.

Insecurities: The biggest thing that I would appreciate some feedback on is the pacing, especially with regards to how the story opens.
Your Favorite Food: Everyone asks this, and my mind goes blank everytime, lol. Raspberries are definitely one of my favourites :grin:

2 Likes

Sounds dope!! Send the story link so its easier for people to access your story.

1 Like

Username: Witto150
Title of Book: NinRai - MissAdventures For Two
Short Summary: Two bounty hunters are trying to earn money, but they run into Easter Eggs and puns along side many fantastical creatures (Dark Elves in spandex included)
Insecurities (Is there anything in your writing that you feel insecure about? i.e. flow, dialogue, grammar): what parts of my story are the weakest (too boring, dragging, too short, not enough description).
Your Favorite Food: I like a lot of things :laughing:

1 Like

Oops. My bad. I’ve edited it into the comment now :slight_smile: Thank you.

Username: @Siennafrost
Title of Book: Obsidian
Short Summary:
The centuries-long war between two races is coming to an end; its outcome rests on the shoulders of a king, a prince, an oracle, a slave, a young girl destined to end the war, and the love that turns them all into monsters they never thought they’d become.

Insecurities (Is there anything in your writing that you feel insecure about? i.e. flow, dialogue, grammar): Just want to make sure it holds the attention of readers enough for them to keep reading

Your Favorite Food: Any juicy slab of red meat

Thank you :pray:t2:

1 Like

Username: @LadyBex
Title of Book: Calytrix’s Journey
Short Summary: Calytrix is a young witch that just turned 20. She must leave her small home village and explore the world, as it is customary for all witches of her age. The goal is to find her own place in the world and purpose, but magic is declining and there are only a few witches left.

She sets off on the journey alone mostly relying only on her book knowledge and magical powers but the journey doesn’t go as she planned. Calytrix meets an unknown mage and makes a magical contract that changes everything. She finds out more facts about her world and one of them is that her world is slowly collapsing in itself.

Will Calytrix find her true path and will she be able to help her world before it’s too late?
Insecurities (Is there anything in your writing that you feel insecure about? i.e. flow, dialogue, grammar): Insecure about a lot of things but mostly dialogue, descriptions I think.
Your Favorite Food: pizza

2 Likes

Username: FireAlwaysReturns
Title of Book: Blaze in the Darkness
Short Summary: A young firefox tries to find her way back to her momma after being imprisoned and separated for centuries, but the world is a dangerous one for a lonely fox.
Insecurities: Mostly dialogue, description, characterization. I trust my grammar, but the rest… The rest scares me
Your Favorite Food: Hmmm… I could really do with some smoked fish right now. It’s been a few moths.
Other: Thank you for doing this! <3 My chapters are short, just over a thousand words each, and it’s got almost no gore and definitely no sexual content.
Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/168790207-blaze-in-the-darkness-✔

1 Like

Username:@dalancydaven
Title of book: You are missing from me
Short summary: Jackson Miller is a re-known singer who appears to have everything anyone could wish for but all that glitters is not gold.
Evelyn Jones’ life is finally playing out how she planned it. but what if her fresh start brings her face to face with someone she wants to forget. Jackson Miller, her traitor of a best friend.
Will they be able to mend the wounds they caused each other in the past or will history repeat itself once again?
Insecurities: Grammer probably and whether the reader would continue after reading the first chapter. The fact that I tend to tell rather than show but I am working on that
Your favorite food: Oh there are too many. pizza, ice cream, shwarma, pineapples and so on…
Link:https://www.wattpad.com/story/199513014-you-are-missing-from-me

1 Like

Hi Alex! First off, you’re awesome for offering this kind of service. It really helps writers like myself, so again, you’re awesome! :smiley:

Username: freyascribbles
Title of Book: Regime of Kingdoms
Short Summary:

Ashemire is a united realm no longer. Divided into glorified kingdoms, conflict is brewing as each seek out immeasurable power. Treachery, revenge, war and scheming is in the air.

One thing is for certain. Not everyone will live to tell the tale.

Insecurities (Is there anything in your writing that you feel insecure about? i.e. flow, dialogue, grammar): Flow of writing, and how interesting the story arc actually is haha (if that makes sense?)
Your Favorite Food: Sushi for life!

[Edit: Oops, here’s the link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/200682112-regime-of-kingdoms]

1 Like

Username:@ot7_TT
Title of Book: Black Diamond

Short Summary: A group of non-religious kpop idols suddenly found themselves getting entangled with a Muslim Bangladeshi girl who seems impeccable, a flawless angel at first sight. Who knew she would be the spawn of Satan, striving against the darkness that lies beneath her angelic feature? Two things can happen- either the sharp distinction of culture and the foreboding secret will drift them apart or the wretched girl will finally find a source of her euphoria, a family to be protected.

Insecurities (Is there anything in your writing that you feel insecure about? i.e. flow, dialogue, grammar): Since it’s my first story,I’m insecure about pretty much everything.
Your Favorite Food: That’s a really hard question for me as my mom is a great cook,like everything she makes taste so heavenly…:yum:
Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/177864826-black-diamond-bts-under-major-editing

1 Like

Book: Reminisicia: Season 1
Chapters: 4
Genre: Fantasy/Adventure
Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/185293242-reminiscia-season-one-unedited
Blurb:
Every one of the six had no idea how they got onto a random ship in the middle of who knows where. None of them know who, when and where they are. Why they’re here, and even worse: how they got here. Magic runs in their items, access to powers beyond themselves. Travelling seas, shores, islands and heartache to find their home.


They arrived one by one and woke up, all disoriented and disarrayed. Searching for answers, they find that they are all in the same boat together - both literally and metaphorically - in the fact that all six of them were placed in this world with no memory.

Now, they must travel across dangerous territory, with nothing but the magical items granted to them from a strange room in the Cruiser; their ship. They must explore dangerous seas, find those responsible for removing their memories, and finding a way to get home.

They say that life is a beautiful rose, known for it’s thorns. The question is, are they ready to bleed?

Insecurities (Is there anything in your writing that you feel insecure about? i.e. flow, dialogue, grammar): Everything. Especially understanding what the frick is happening in the story.
Your Favorite Food: Groundnut Soup with Rice and Fufu

1 Like

Username: zeeroe9
**Title of Book:**Retribution of the Roar
Short Summary: Ryder Radstille, a young warrior from Khenealm is known for two things: his title as “The Roar” for his strength and the other for his ten-year long contract with his sigil partner, Raeya. But ever since their last war with the shadows, he had been distancing himself from her as he was still in the stage of healing from their loss. The shadows took advantage of Ryder’s dilemma and they keep on attempting to revive the wars. Ryder is now faced with two things: to save the world, and to protect the one whom the whole world really means to him.
Insecurities (Is there anything in your writing that you feel insecure about? i.e. flow, dialogue, grammar): grammar, character development, are there any cliches?
Your Favorite Food: fried chicken

1 Like

Username: DarthSpider
Title of Book: Not Human
Short Summary: The protagonist and Sharon study abnormal cases of human-like robots in withdrawal. An unconventional romantic comedy.
Insecurities: Flow if i had to pick one
Favourite food: Ice-cream
Link to book: https://my.w.tt/ZUZMWVi8D0

1 Like