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#22

It sounds pretty intriguing. I know enough about the plot to know what it’s about without knowing exactly everything. It seems like a sequel will come next haha.

Knights of Lore

Three millennia ago they came and almost wiped humanity out of existence.

Now they’ve returned stronger than ever to finish what they started all those years ago.

The extermination of mankind.
*****
Kariah-Belle Nadirè. A second year at one of the four Universities for those with the potential to become Knights. During her second year the young woman is accepted into the Advance course where her and other students get to train first hand as knights. After an unfortunate turn of events, Kariah-Belle and her friends finally become Knights and are assigned to respective squads.

Kariah-Belle is placed under Holy knight: Star Titannia, a knight of great renown and prestige. Her two students, Aya and Kaden have already made names for themselves and are well on their way to becoming Divine Knights. As Kaden and Kariah-Belle get closer things once hidden in the dark come to light. With the return of a powerful alien race bent on wiping out all life on the planet, Kariah-Belle and her friends both old and new must defend the Four Great Nations while finding out who’s​ really pulling the strings. In a world full of monsters and deadly factions, can the group of young Knights survive? Or will Lore rip them apart?


#23

You’re spot on! I am planning on it becoming a trilogy.


#24

I thought this was nicely done. I think I’ve actually looked at yours in the past, so I’m not sure what my opinion of it was then.

My only suggestion might be to make everything after “In a world full of mosnters and deadly factions…” be its own paragraph. I think it operates very well as a closing line. So, all in all, a nice 8/10.


Blurb for Faebreaker

Erik, the son of a legendary innkeeper, is at his wits end.

His father, depressed, and keeping to his room, seldom comes out to do work anymore since his beloved’s leave. Alone, tired, and beaten as the business struggles to stay afloat, Erik contemplates whether happiness and success are truly worth it in the end. Contemplates whether running away from it all might be the better option.

Fate soon comes knocking, however, and when Erik loses everything he’s ever had, he is thrust on a journey that will take him to the ends of the earth. A journey to fulfill a loved one’s dying wish.

In a world alive with the mythical, giants stand in Erik’s way. Some real, and some figurative, as he is taken aback at how weak his in comparison to everything and everyone around him.

He must learn to be strong, because if he doesn’t, he’ll be crushed underfoot by the things that lurk in the darkest corners of the world.

Literally.


#25

6/10 Your story sounds really interesting but you started your blurb with a rather boring paragraph. You could have kept all the details about his life for the story itself, and kept the description a little shorter. If readers get bored at the beginning of the blurb, chances are they won’t continue.

Here’s mine:

When He Cries
Alice hates boys. A trauma of her past has caused her to despise them. Plenty tried to win her over, but no matter how gorgeous and charming they may be, none has managed to make the lock on her heart budge. It’s only once she transfers to Silver Creek High that someone catches her eye.

The young man she sits next to in English class looks like a ghost, talks like a zombie, acts like a frightened puppy and likes to call himself Noname. He soon becomes a small obsession for her. The more she sees him, the more she wants to know about him. The more she finds out, the closer she gets to her worst fear: getting attached again.


#26

6/10 I don’t know whether it’s because I’m not overly fond of this genre but I feel like the story doesn’t feel exciting enough to read, though the character of Alice herself does sound intriguing and I do want to know more about her. Overall I do like your writing style and the blurb is well written, but I just wouldn’t read the story.

Here’s mine, it’s currently untitled:

In the year 2098, the city of Atropos stands as mankind’s last effort at lasting life on Earth. The young and rich have fled to colonize nearby planets and the majority of planet lays uninhabitable for human life. Based in Antarctica, Atropos is a place of neglect and hopelessness, where the forgotten members of humanity wait for their inevitable extinction from Earth.

When a dying millionaire hires detective inspector Ida Quinn and her partner, Doug Evans, to find her estranged son they are exposed to Atropos’ criminal underbelly in all its savagery and despair. In face of moral dilemmas, they must weigh up what they are willing to sacrifice in order to give a young man, taken down the wrong path, a second chance at life.


#27

9/10 This is definitely a story I would snatch up in an instant if I saw it at the library or bookstore. The blurb reveals enough to entice me to pick it up, but leaves out enough to where I’m curious enough to read until the end. I have questions about the world, the characters, and the story, and I literally have nothing I would change about this blurb.

Here’s mine, from Lost in Hadong.

I got lost. In rural south Korea. At three in the morning. All alone. Here’s how it went down.

I am aware it’s very short and snippety.


#28

Really needs more meat for me. There’s a hook, but without any meat, I’m left a bit cold. I’m not sure what the story is going to be about, sadly. 7/10 anyway, though. I really think you should expand it so that there’s some plot included.


From Faebreaker

Erik’s life as an innkeeper is what some people dream of having, but when hard work doesn’t pay off as expected, Erik is left with nothing after a disaster occurs in his otherwise normal life. When a wanderer takes him under his wing, Erik leaves everything he’s ever known as he goes on a journey to fulfill a loved one’s final, dying wish.

As Erik struggles to find the strength to push forward, he must overcome the behemoths standing in his path. Lest he be crushed underfoot by the things that lurk in the darkest corners of the world.

Literally.



#29

8/10 It gives a good bit of info about the story, but I would suggest a few changes in word choice. For example, saying “final, dying wish” seems a bit redundant, and the use of the word “behemoths” seems a tad odd to me, unless that is what you are calling the actual creatures the Erik has to face.

Here’s mine (My character’s name is Eric too)-
You don’t get to choose how you’re born. Sometimes you don’t even get to choose who you become. In a world where people are split between heroes and villains, there’s even less of a choice. When an unknown enemy attacks his family, Eric is forced into a grey area. He must find the people responsible, even if it means straying from the path laid out for him. He might not like what he finds.

Bonus, if someone feels like rating two blurbs:
A creature, alone; a silence, unbroken; a darkness, eternal. What is it? Why? It cannot end. It does not leave. It waits. For nothing, it waits. After all, what could it wait for? A light, fleeting? A sound, echoing? A beginning… hopeful?


#30

8/10, I like the idea you’re painting of someone being forced out into a morally gray area due to their circumstances, but something that kinda caught me was the choose/choose/choice repetition. It kinda just restates the idea of having no say in your part when it doesn’t need to (You already had no choice in this matter, but now that already near non-existing choice is lessened even more) It cuts the flow of your blurb.

Also! Something I think would shine in this blurb is if you take that heroes/villains contrast and maybe focus on it more? I feel one of the biggest elements in your story will involve your character’s struggle to be the person they were born to be vs to pursue what they feel is right even if it strays from the black/white mentality of good and evil. Contrast is your friend, and this boy is the divergent, the gray area. If that’s something your story will look into, it ought to be something your blurb explores!

Now it’s time for me to give it a go!

The King of Darkness Has a Wife
Dean Addams is known far and wide as one of the most lethal, cunning, and dangerous vampires in all the country - The Dark King, as they call him. However against his wishes, his parents the royal hierarchs will do anything to get proper heirs for their son…even if means abducting a bride from halfway across the world and plunging her into a world of monsters and political chaos.

At least, that was how the story was supposed to go when their henchmen screw the job over and accidentally abduct 25 year old Debbie Case, a cashier from the back of a fry burger’s parking lot.


#31

9/10 The name got me excited for the blurb! The adjectives about Dean are grabbing the reader in and then the end makes you want to read the book. The only reason I took you off a mark is because ‘At least, that was how the story was supposed to go but when their henchmen screw the job over and accidentally abduct 25 year old Debbie Case, a cashier from the back of a fry burger’s parking lot.’

She’s the One

George Scott, a prince of Eastwood high-school along with the rest of the football team. Alongside their princesses, the cheerleaders.

But to George, there was someone higher than them all, because to him; a queen sat on the throne.

Lydia Jackson, a normal teenaged girl with an overthinking mind and a passion for dancing. Though her overthinking mind may come in handy when figuring out George Scott’s intentions.

Because, what does a prince want with a nobody?


#32

8/10. I really liked the name of your story! I loved how you described both of the characters and compared them to princess and princes. Btw, the name of Lydia Jackson reminded me of Teen Wolf, I know this has nothing to do with it but I wanted to let you know, lol.

Title: The Charmed Circle

Meet The Charmed Circle…
Kendall Prescott: With her glossy brunette curls and her laser-whitened smile, Kendall is the sole leader of the Charmed Circle and the rest of the social scene at Thornton Prep School, an exclusive private girls’ high school in Manhattan, New York. Kendall knows you’d give anything to be just like her.
Victoria Burch: Kendall’s second in command, with her sexy latina vibe she floats easily under the adult radar because she seems so sweet and naive. She dreams of taking Kendall’s throne one day. And who knows, she just might.
Harper Rhodes: As sneaky as she is beautiful. With her looks and her slim complexion she puts all the models to shame.
Lacey Harrington: She’s smart, hardworking and ambitious. Her strong desire for success is not what you’d expect from a blue eyed blonde.

Enter Chloe Morgan, the new girl from Texas in Converse and her three-year-old Old Navy overalls, who is clearly not Charmed Circle material. Unfortunately for her, Chloe’s family is staying in an apartment lent to them by Kendall’s super rich dad. The worst part, the apartment is in the building owned by Kendall’s family, where her penthouse is located. Chloe’s future looks worse than a bad Gucci knockoff. But with a little luck and a lot of scheming, she might just wiggle her way into the elite.


#33

8/10. I really like the premise of your story, but the formatting of the blurb is a little off putting. I’m not a huge fan of how you listed the characters and described each one’s personality. However, I know that is just a personal preference. On the bright side, I feel that you give the perfect amount of detail about your book to draw readers- including myself- in. Overall, great job!

The Forgotten Land

The Kingdom of Dahlara has been on an imperial conquest for years. Numerous surrounding lands have succumbed to the once tiny kingdom and its long line of power hungry rulers. The kingdom has achieved its goal, but at a terrible cost: supplies are running low and they’re about to lose the latest war.

Nite knows little of her country’s struggles. She and her adoptive father live in the far western region, cut off from much of the world. They captain a riverboat and take merchants to nearby port cities. It’s a simple, oftentimes difficult life, but it’s the life that Nite loves.

However, these two different worlds are about to collide head on. The change comes in the form of a group of strangers clad in military uniform and demanding that Nite take them downriver into an off-limits section of the country. She is forced to do so when her life is threatened and she only hopes that it will all be over soon.

If only things ever went right for her.


#34

9.5/10 This sounds really awesome! It looks interesting, but I guess it’s a bit too long. The little space you have in thumbnail won’t show much of a hook. Maybe focusing on Nite would be better? :wink:


Name: Silver Darkness

Genre: Open Sonic the Hedgehog Fanfiction

Blurb: Silver the Hedgehog wishes for nothing more than to be a normal hedgehog. But no, he has to be psychic and time-traveler to the boot. Because of his unique abilities, he is sent to close wacky time&space ripping portals, preventing any casualties and overlapping of dimensions.

His latest quest leads him to a deserted planet. Before he can close the portal, he gets unexpected guests in a form of half-brothers trying to kill each other. But their dispute has to be postponed, as the planet is approached by a huge spaceship bringing deadly danger.


#35

Leaves a good cliff hanger - But I think you might wanna rephrase “deadly danger” it sounds a little redundant. Maybe “grave danger?”

HK800’s sole purpose is to hunt down and exterminate deviant androids before they become an actual threat to the human race. Cold, unfeeling, and entirely unalive, the android is determined to complete his mission and will allow nothing to stand in his way.

However, when paired with human detective, Connor Anderson, HK800’s mission is compromised, not only by his partner’s impressive ability to get in the way, but also the rising instability plaguing his system.


#37

You are right, that does sound weird :rofl: Thank you for the help :slight_smile:


#38

Shot and sweet. Gives us just enough info without giving much away. 9

Olivia is a werewolf. Orphaned as a child, and with no memory of her past, Olivia sets off on a journey to try and understand her strange heritage.

Now this high-school student learns that her people teeter on the edge of extinction, and their only hope for survival might be her.


#39

I personally find that a blurb explaining the character, what she is, what’s happened and what she’s doing – is generic. Try taking a snippet from your book, an interesting little scene or dialogue between characters that’ll attract readers. I’ve found that in the previews on Wattpad books, you get 9-12 words previewed. So try to make the first two sentences REALLY interesting and intriguing.

Although it is okay to describe what is going on, what you have is little of it. Reading that blurb, I wouldn’t find any reason to read on.

Here’s a brief edit of the current blurb, feel free to ignore all advice. I don’t mind. :grin:

~interesting scene~

Orphaned as a child, and with no memory of her past, Olivia sets off on a journey to try and understand her masked heritage. In her journies, age-year-old Olivia quickly learns that much more is at stake.

Her people teeter on the edge of extinction… and their only hope…

Her.

BLURB:
“You will not surrender yourself over to anyone, but me.” His lips found my neck from behind, and I trembled as his hands caressed my rib cage. “And I will surrender myself to no one, but you.”

~

He grew exceedingly closer. The dimples in his flesh became more defined as his figure stood beneath the light. “Your life has been shrouded in mystery,” he hummed, almost casually, if it weren’t for the crossbow in his hands, “have you not wondered once why you’re so valuable to everyone?”

The malicious tone to his voice seeped into his eyes, and I shivered as he lifted the crossbow to point directly at me.

“It’s a pity really,” He shook his head, a slight smirk gracing his lips, “there are two sides of this war.” I gulped as his finger stroked the trigger. “And you’re hunted by both.”

He laughed.

“The Hunter becomes The Hunted.”


#40

Title: Satan Loves Sundays

Genre: YA/Teen Fiction

Blurb:

THIS BOOK IS LOUD AND OFFENSIVE.

Does God make mistakes? Luke Reacher reckons He’s made five in particular. The first was making him the son of the megachurch preacher Alex Reacher. The second was placing Max Johnson in his school. The third was introducing Ruth Landon into his life. The fourth was putting Sunday Jackson in his neighborhood. The fifth was sending him to church camp in the summer of 2015. Maybe there’s a bright side to the story, but Luke’s a half empty kinda guy, and God just keeps blundering from there.


#41

I think the blurb is good but not great. Probably because this book has some weird life behind it. What I mean is the blurb already sounds unsettling. I know its a young adult book and maybe its not my taste but I will at least give some credit. Overall, I’ll give it a 7/10.


#42

Since the last user didn’t post a summary I’ll start us back up.

Insomnia:

“The city never sleeps, so why should we?”

Twelve years of military service left Nia Clatcher well aware of the corruption within the ranks. While she did all she could to stop the corruption, she was already busy fighting the Communist government.

Now as an honorably discharged veteran it seems there’s little she can do about it. Until a stranger and an opportunity to kill birds with two stones presents itself.