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#43

The opening line is really interesting :smiley: It’s something I never saw before. While this may not be the book for me, but finding veteran as MC is one case in million XD I like the premise and I can say I don’t see how to improve it unless you don’t want to add something about the stranger :slight_smile:

Rate: 10/10

My blurb for the upcoming book :wink:


NinRai

In the far away land, behind two mountains and merely three rivers walked a boy. There was no worry in his life, and if there was, it was soon beaten down to never bother him again. He and his unusual rabbit partner were on a quest without an end… to fill their noisy stomachs.

They might find the right opportunity in the next city, but the burning question was –Was the opportunity in the mood to let them go off the hook?

Wacky adventure alert!


#44

Thank you! Now I feel bad for changing it XD

9/10

Really intriguing! I like the concept and it makes me want to know more!

So now…the updated version of the Insomnia blurb :sweat_smile:

“Saving your country sometimes means betraying it first."

After twelve years of military service, Nia Clatcher is thrust back into civilian life following her honorable discharge.

However, with the growing threat of Communism and her own country’s internal corruption, the Free Districts of Northern America needs her more than ever. However, less than patriotic method may be necessary to win this war.


#45

Thank you so much for such high score XD Now I’m scared it will be a let down XD

If you don’t mind, what is your WP username? I can PM you when the story will be published :wink:

To be honest, I like both of your blurbs. Each have nice hook at the end, so choosing one can be only based on personal taste :wink: Why not to try switching between them from time to time?


#46

That’s a great suggestion, thank you! My personal favorite is he second but I appreciate he kind words. And you’re very welcome :slight_smile:

My user is sarakbeeksma (there should be a link in much profile on my profile here)

I’d love to know the publishing date!


#47

Right, I forgot you can see this info here :rofl: The publishing date isn’t set yet, but I’ll surely let you know about it :smiley:


#48

You’re good! Thank you :blush:


#49

Oh! 9/10 That’s a good summary for your story. Good job!

Inside my heart, there’s a doomsday clock. One day soon it will reach the last second. When that happens, I’ll just fade away. As if I was never even here. I will have to die knowing the fact that everyone I know’s clocks will continue to tick away the moments without me. I was never meant to live that long. My clock was programmed to end when everyone else’s seemed to have just begun.


#50

9/10. I love the emotions the blurb evokes, and it gives a good idea of the type of story it is without giving too many details away. However, I think it will be a more solid 10/10 if you polished the writing a bit so it flows better. For example, by avoiding phrases such as ‘the fact that’ that could pull the reader away.


A butterfly’s wings can bring thunderstorms. Tahro knew this. He knew it when he plunged into the world of his favourite manga. He knew it when he fought to save a main character’s life. But how much can he change the story before the plot begins to fall apart? Can you choose between your friends and a world?


#51

8/10. I like how you started the blurb with the idea of the buttefly effect already letting the potential reader know that whatever the MC is going to do, will have a big cause and effect thing. I also like it’s concise (something I lack so much, hahaha) but catchy. The only thing I didn’t like, which is why I gave it an 8, is how you ended your blurb. I think the question is a little confusing… “a world…” sounds to me like the idea is not complete. Maybe word it like “choose between your firends and a fantisy world” or “world of manga…” or anything more creative. And I don’t know why, but I see this line in the blurb like, “would you dare to step in?” Hahaha, just to make it more intriguing, like the reader is plunging themselves in the fantasy of the MC.

My blurb

I saw her, but she never saw me.

No matter what I did to break through her crystal globe of her mind, she still didn’t see me. I loved her from afar, more than I have ever, or could ever love someone. I loved her even though we have never exchanged a single word. I loved her because I could see how she saw the world differently. I was IN LOVE with her, because she WAS different. Just like me…

I was obssessed with her. I wanted to see her finally seeing ME. Because those dark and haunting eyes of hers, have been the first and last picture in my head, every day, for years.

Ivy’s mind is a mystery to me, and I want to uncover it, solve her.

I’m in love with Ivy’s mind. I just hope one day I get to tell her, and she lets me love her the way only I could…


Ivryl “Ivy” Tesla is perfectly happy in her colorful little world which involves a stable and predictable routine, her twin and older brothers, and her two best friends from infancy. There’s the occassional darkness, but with Gabe, Dami, Mav and Ry by her side, she can overlook the darkness lurking in the shadows of her crystal globe. They are all she ever wanted, all she could ever care for and all she could ever need. That is, until one night she is saved by an unknown stranger.

Once Ivy acknowledges Liam Price’s existence in her perfect little world, she witnesses how little by little her crystal globe starts to shatter. She resists, but he is persistent. He purposely forces himself into her world, and soon she finds out that it was not as perfect or colorful as she had believed it to be.

In the end, Liam might just be the one to uncover her deepest secrets and darkest demons, but also, the only one who could force her into a world of the brightest colors… A world she didn’t even know it existed inside her mind… inside her own heart.


#52

Thanks for the review ^^! Now that you mention it, I see the problem. I will change it to ‘the rest of the world.’ I think.


#53

Oh yes! With that you clear up something that I missed. When you wrote friends, you meant the friends the MC makes in the manga, don’t you? I had understood like the friends outside the manga. But that would definitely make it much more clear.


#54

Yup yup :slight_smile:! I’m glad it works XD!


#55

Title: Adventures of Prince Vajendra
Blurb:
Meet Prince Vajendra, aka the so-called spiritual Rishi of the continent of Vishaputra, a flat earth. He’s a man not interested in saving the world, but having his own adventures. A man that can talk with Gods, deal with flying airships, throw exploding bombs into the air. He must retrieve the powers that an evil Pharoah, named Nahakasha has taken from him. This story goes into a series of episodic sub-plots more than an overarching story.