Get Your Fantasy Summary Rated!


#21

6.5/10 It’s pretty good, very little I’d change. Feels a little familiar and the mentions of fantasy elements are vague for my tastes, but it has interesting qualities.

The sudden jump from peace to war here gave me a little bit of mood whiplash, if that makes sense. As if the sentence said “For a time, there was peace, and then there wasn’t.” Perhaps I’m just neurotic.

This feels over the top to me personally. I’d just end on “the course of the war.” Or “the fate of millions.”

Comma in wrong spot. :stuck_out_tongue:


#22

I only have one summary, but it is new and improved, I think…

In the 1860’s, the dragon Orion and his siblings were not only the pride of the Union Army, but one its darkest secrets. They are the first of a new breed. Living symbols of national strength and liberty, chained by loyalty to their captive mother. So when a feral dragon aiding the southern rebellion offers Orion the hope of liberating his family, he puts himself at her disposal.

But she is far more conflicted in her desires, caught between two possibilities to escape the destruction of her species. One eye imagines a grand coalition between men and dragons, the start of a new age and a nation of their own. While the other stares down a treacherous road, where a prolonged and ruinous war that leaves north and south spent and shattered. Never again a threat to dragon-kind. Never again united.


#23

7/10 I like the first part of the story, but the second was a bit confusing. It seemed like the second paragraph flew in a different direction with another character. Overall, I got an idea where the story is headed with the help of the first paragraph.

Dragonark

It is said in the tales of Dragonark, a Dragon God descended from the skies and enslaved the mortal realm known as Grandvalla-home to the superior races that inhabited the planet. As ashes and chaos rained for centuries, many worshiped and feared the almighty god. He was unstoppable. However, hope found its way when the Dragon God disappeared without a trace. No one knows nor remember what truly happened to the Dragon God. All that is left is but a myth.

Eight hundred years later, he returns to continue what he started. But the only thing standing in his way is a curse of human form. Who would believe such a weak demented man who says he is the Dragon God?


#24

8/10 I actually like how you worded everything and it definitely describes a well thought over and interesting plot! I do think that you use the word ‘Dragon God’ a bit too much, it’s a bit too repetetive.

THE VALLEY OF KINGS

Ruthless. Pompous. And fearless.

Kings are often described as such - if they truly are always depends on the eye of the beholder.

After years of the typical teenage romances Onyx always dreamt of, she finally comes to terms with being on her own. She embraces the freedom rather than wishing she had someone to share everything with - love will find her, and not the other way around.
When she’s thrust into a world where kings and queens rule the land, beasts and monsters hidden behind the faces of royalty, she gives up on wishing alltogether. There is no room for wishing when you’re busy trying to escape the very faces that had sworn you safety and protection. But apparently the success rate of escaping from The Valley of Kings is basically nonexistent.

A place Onyx had believed to exist only in myths and folklore.

A place where The King wants her dead and love sneaks through the very thorns of danger.


#25

5/10

SUPER STRONG opening, but the second line after the dash doesn’t make sense to me. I read it four times and still am confused. I felt that the body had good information but was a bit repetitive with a few grammatical error that cause confusion. (the part after “Onyx always dreamt of,”)

I did enjoy the second paragraph as that was nice, just look to streamline the sentences more and they will be great. I would add did she get there by magic, wish, virtual reality?

Wasn’t a huge fan of last two sentences.

I HOPE THIS WAS ABLE TO OFFER ANY HELP AT ALL. (These were all just my personal thoughts and feelings and were never meant to be rude or mean.) HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!!!


Title : The Collapse of the Great Collection
The mortal capitals of the Anarch Lands are being demolished one after the other by Harborer The Spirit of Wind and Death and his Dread Necromancers with their might undead armies. At the heart of the mortal kingdom sets The Great Collection, the pinnacle of mortal determination.

A young human slave Lisa will be challenged by fate and its sick since of humor, as she struggles to survive the siege on the Great Collection.

The lives of her companions and family will hang in the balance if she can not break the shackles of her past bondage, her band of misfits will surely perish in the blood-soaked streets.


#26

0-4/10 I believe honesty to be the best policy. The summary is short with waaaay too much of a mouthful. You’re name-dropping too much and expecting readers to completely be absorbed or understand what

^ any of that means. As for the main character I’m assuming to be, the introduction to them is a bit cliche and shoved in there. Keep it simpler and put up the main struggle, give a brief background of the character, emphasize on the struggle and the journey, but don’t try to overdo it. Keep the name-drops to the minimum and not anything too stretched. The last sentence was also jumped in there without any meaning to them. It’s a bit confusing, try to use more clarification. Don’t mean to make this come off as rude, but I hope this helped.


My Book: DARK MAGIC AND THE FORGOTTEN MEMORIES [Book 1 of the Shadow Chronicles]

A boy wakes up on a shore wounded, with no recollection of his past. Left with little options he heads recklessly into a village, working for the Shadow King, the self-declared ruler of Astrania. And that’s where it all begins. . .

The adventures he goes through, the hardships he faces, and the enemies and friends he meets on the way. He discovers more about the unknown world of Astrania’s history, along with the darker tones of what it means to survive. Armed with only his wits, he traverses the lands manifested by humans, orcs, goblins, dragons, elves, dwarves, and all manner of beasts and races that rule the world in their separate holds. Delving into a world of magic and war long-since divided, he must keep to his skills honed after each battle to guide him to a home stripped from his mind in lands that seem foreign to him. Seeking his memories back what does this one boy stand against the cruel world and all the pain that it has to offer?

His mind torn with the fragments of his past and his naivety destroyed by harsh reality he comes to an unsettling realization. The more he fights, the more truth to his identity he uncovers and the more he gets to know what survival truly is and what he has become. But can he survive long enough to remember who he is and return back home from the pernicious clutches of those seeking him? Or will he die alone with nothing but a broken heart of regret and a head full of forgotten memories . . .


#27

NOOOO thank you for your honesty, I haven’t had to work on summaries so its nice to know it doesn’t work. I will look in clearing this up.


#28

@DragonRiderEXE

8.5/10. The blurb has a good summary, but I think referring to your main character as simply, “he” doesn’t do anything for me to relate to him. I think I understand why you didn’t put his name, based on reading the entire thing. As I kept reading I hoped that his name would be revealed, or at least something I could call him. I assume that somewhere in the book the reader would uncover his real name/true identity. So I understand why you wouldn’t want that in the blurb. I would also assume that he would adopt a name or be given a name by others. It’s just a lot of “he” and “his”.

You also have some superfluous lines/verbiage that could be tightened up. For instance, I don’t think you need “And that’s where it all begins…” The first line of the second paragraph could be tightened up as well.

But over all, it gives me a good idea of the story-obviously a fantasy adventure. Other than my critiques I find it interesting and I’d probably pick up the book based on the information given in the current blurb.

My Book… I actually have two summaries. The first is for the paperback edition, and the other is on the interior flap of my hardcover edition. The first is currently up on Wattpad.

Title: A Prince’s Errand

"Several millennia ago a war raged between the factions of dragonkind. With their world ravaged, the Kaldean Alliance forged the Amulet of Draconic Control and the Tethering Stone, and banished their foes to other realms, saving Kalda from utter destruction. Fearing the power of the Amulet, the survivors secreted it away. But now knowledge of the Amulet has resurfaced-and in the wrong hands, war could erupt anew.

Over the last thousand years, the men of Kalda have regressed into a medieval age. Tevisrals-magical objects-are scarce and outlawed in certain Kingdoms. Though mages are abundant, tevisrals are precious and often tip the balance of power.

Seeking knowledge of the past, a necromancer-scholar allies with Kaescis-a prince from the Mindolarn Empire-to find the treasures of a lost civilization. They embark on their quest with a mixed band of skilled mages and seasoned adventurers. One among them, Cornar Dol’shir, suspects an unspoken sinister plot and warily leads his men, but happens upon a discovery that will forever change the world of Kalda."

Or…

"Kalda is a world of magic and wonder. Long ago, men harnessed the Channels of Power, creating tevisrals–devices capable of manifesting magic. But men weren’t the only ones to accomplish such feats. Dragons crafted the most sophisticated tevisrals. These shaped the world, defining civilization of both man and elf alike.

Centuries after a cataclysmic war–abated only by the Crimson Eye–the men Kalda have fallen into a dark age, where elves are estranged, and dragons are no more. Tevisrals which made Kalda utopian are lost. Now men trade everything for tevisrals. But there are some men who wish to bury the past, and in their lands possessing tevisrals is tantamount to treason.

Still, some men scour the world in search of Kalda’s past. One such man, the scholar Krindal, ventures across the world in search of an ancient order known as the Keepers of Truth and Might–a coalition that kept the world aright, but has long since disappeared.

Prince Kaescis Midivar also searches for these Keepers. The death of his uncle, the late emperor of Mindolarn, killed his hopes for peace with the Kingdom of Los. His empire’s survival hinges upon unearthing the Keepers’ secrets.

An aging warrior, Cornar Dol’shir, longs for the days to be home with his wife. But his retirement must wait, as his band of adventurers is recruited to help find the Keepers’ hidden temple on the Isle of Klindala.

Haunted by his past, Iltar seeks to unravel the mysteries held within the Codices of Soron Thahan–a volume of prophecy foretelling the advent of the Unspoken One and the return of the Crimson Eye. His search takes him to Mindolarn, where all is not as it seems."


#29

7/10. They read epic fantasy but the flow needs to be revised. I had to go back to read them a couple of times.

I think this alone would be enough to open the book. Although, it’s a bit wordy. I had to read it a couple of times aloud to workout that an amulet was used to banish Kalda’s enemy. Now this amulet has resurfaced to cause havoc again. I think the other two paragraphs could work well in a prologue.

I think this alone is enough to grab my interest as a reader if you’re considering it as a blurb.

The second version had a better flow. :):blush:


#30

As I near my self-pub target, need to know where to fix with my blurb and logline. Note that the blurb has to be short as there’ll be some detailed graphics to the back. I’m short of space design-wise. I’m going for a 5 x 8 PB.

Logline: Famine is a man determined to save his three brothers who’ve been kidnapped. He’ll gun down spiders, withstand a mind-sucking demon, survive a maximum-security prison facility and fight against a diabolical plot.

Blurb: “I’ll find a way to save my brother. Do whatever the hell you want. I’m stealing your guns.”

Famine is a man determined to save his three brothers after they are tragically separated. His monastery home destroyed. Kidnapped to a foreign city called Apocalypse.

He will gun down malignant redback spiders, withstand a mind-sucking demon, survive a maximum-security prison facility and fight against a plot hell-bent on bringing radical change to his world called Sol. Do anything to reunite his family.

Lurking in the shadows is a fatalistic ego call the Black Rider.

The Seriphyn Knight Chronicles. It begins.


#31

6/10 While I like your logline, it feels like you’re giving away too much of the action, almost as if the reader can check off what happens next. The reader sees your MC survives to face the next challenge, which takes away a lot of the suspense. The same goes for your blurb. Show the stakes without giving up too much. Also, if the Black Rider is important enough to be brought up in the blurb, maybe give a little more info as to how he/she/it connects to the story.

My story is a dark urban fantasy. Here goes:

When seventeen-year-old Abbey learns an underground club has popped up on Majestic Isle, an abandoned island amusement park, she drags her best friend, Callie, out for the night of their lives.

Unfortunately, it might be their last.

The club isn’t the haven for misfits Abbey hoped for-it’s a buffet, and the clubgoers are the main dish.

Stragglers from the gritty club disappear, as shadowy creatures race through the broken-down roller coasters and rusty bumper cars looking for leftovers. There’s no cell phone signal, the ferry is missing, and one by one the constant screams fall silent.

No one is supposed to survive the night, and escape seems impossible. All Abbey wants is to go home and forget, but while trying to escape her promised death, she receives a gift that may be the key to preventing an infestation of these creatures, creatures with an insatiable appetite for human flesh-as long as Callie doesn’t stop her.

Home, if Abbey reaches it, is just the beginning. Monsters are real and they’re coming.


#32

8/10 I like it and I feel it gives just enough information to make it hook a reader. It’s also got some excitement there. I would do something about the long sentences though.

A kind of ‘summary of the first chapter’ blurb.

Here’s mine.

In a world cursed by the Genesis Plague for thousands of generations, the 3 great overworld races fight for survival, unaware of the peace that once reigned. They pour sweat and blood into limit breaking research, only to find that the answer they seek lies in the past.

Meanwhile, Logan and his mother are chased by the scourge of death in the backwaters of Ophisteros. They are left with no choice but to retreat from society while tragedy follows the boy, it isn’t long before it takes something from him again.

One day Logan rescues Nennabethe, a seemingly unimportant girl, who ends up losing her memory. When her pursuer catches wind of her, it plays out in the worst way for Logan. But this time… he’s had enough.


Follow Logan as he edges ever closer to the pits of despair and struggles with the ghosts of his past - and Nennabethe, emptily reaching for memories she might never fully regain; All the while trying to repay her debt to Logan.

He desperately needs a reason to live, but can revenge really make him happy?


#33

Thank you :slight_smile:


#34

7/10 For some reason I think this could flow a lot better. It seems overwhelming for a summary, but maybe that’s just me because I prefer short summaries and this one is a bit longer. I love the last paragraph. It really captures my attention the most out of all the paragraphs. Sorry if this seems jumbled and doesn’t make sense! XD It sounds like an interesting read.

In the Region of Skille, you are either good or you are evil. The only one ever known to be both is named Reve Statera and he is infamous among the badlands. At birth, it was prophesied that Reve is destined to save the world or to destroy it. Reve’s only wish is to outrun his destiny, but unfortunately, destiny has a way of catching up to you.


#35

6/10 I think I agree with Hannah_Janine. It’s a little wordy and it throws the flow off. It just seems like it’s trying to explain too many aspects of the plot at once. If you could find a way to condense it, I think it would flow a lot better.

I also think you should just stop at “But this time… he’s had enough”. It piques the reader’s interest and everything that follows after seems superfluous.

Here is mine:

Sylvia, the daughter of a London dressmaker, has always wanted to leave the city for the place where all her mother’s fairytales take place. But after she is sent away to Dartmoor to escape the Blitz, she finds herself trapped in a terrifying fairytale of her own when she is abducted by The Alder King: the ruthless leader of the Wild Hunt. Insisting that her family owes him a great debt, Sylvia is forced into servitude within the castle at the heart of the Underwood. There she must use her skills as a seamstress to navigate this strange world of spirits and, one day, earn back her freedom. But when she meets the King’s beautiful, red-haired gamekeeper, her needlework suddenly begins taking on a life of its own. If the King discovers these new “talents” of hers, will he ever want to let her go?


#36

7/1- It’s a solid summary for the most part, but the writing style it’s using isn’t super engaging. I’d suggest starting with a stronger hook. Perhaps something to the effect of this:
Syvlia, a dressmaker’s daughter has always dreamed of bigger and better things beyond London. Things like visiting Dartmoor, the setting of so many favorite childhood stories. Her wish is granted as she escapes London during the Blitz, but Dartmoor doesn’t provide the quaint memories of her mother, like she believed it would. It opens to the door to a terrifying and dangerous world…

Here’s mine:

Life was simpler for Suzume Hamada before she knew gods and monsters were real. The night her cousin was murdered by a frost giant was the night Suzume learned that Norse gods were not the stories she’d believed and that there were realms far beyond her own filled with creatures of dreams and nightmares alike. Saved by Lady Sif, Suzume is offered a chance at a new life and a chance to find the creature that killed her cousin. Taking her place among seven other women, Suzume will have a chance to gain the immortality and magic that belongs to Asgardians if she can pass three trials and win the heart of the Crown Prince, Thor.


#37

I was skipped so can some please rate my summary XD


#38

I’ve already had my rated but, I’ll go again, muwahahahaha! I’ve rewritten my summary so hopefully it’s better this time.

7/10. Although your blurb is short @Hannah_Janine, it’s actually tells me a lot about what I’m in for. I guess if you’d want to give it that extra punch, you probably could go straight to “Reve Statera is infamous…”

I’m not really sure about the “prophesied” bit. Maybe you could state that Reve is doing all he can to outrun a destined prophecy where his choices could affect the fate of his world.
Probably don’t need to tell us you can be either good or evil as you can let the book do this.
Otherwise, not bad :slight_smile:

------------- My Revised Blurb -----------------------
“I’ll find a way to save my brother. Do whatever the hell you want. I’m stealing your guns.”

Famine is a man determined to save his three brothers after they are tragically separated. His monastery home destroyed. Kidnapped to a foreign city called Apocalypse.

He will do anything to reunite his family even if it meant fighting malignant redback spiders and a mind-sucking demon. The fights he faces may be more than he can handle. Then there is the fatalistic ego called the Black Rider lurking about his shadow.

The Seriphyn Knight Chronicles. It begins.


#39

I’d give it an 8/10 - I was intrigued and would probably continue reading! The only change I wold make is to make a couple of your sentences shorter. I feel that “sound bites” are more alluring and have a bit more of a hook :slight_smile: But I like your premise!

Mine:
For Sorcha Dunn life did not turn out the way she, or anyone, thought it would.

Her mother died of illness when she was only six. Her father, the leader of the tribe of Frith, was executed when she was only thirteen. He was executed in order to make a point: that the werewolf tribes would either disperse or pledge their allegiance to the Eastern Kingdom.

Since then her life has been anything but pleasant. Three years later she would be taken from her home, from all those she knew as family, arrested and sold as a slave to the mines at Lynche. It certainly wasn’t how she had envisioned her life. Even her own death would not go as planned.

But perhaps a chance encounter in the forest would change all of that. Perhaps the encounter would once again ignite the long extinguished fire in her heart.


#40

6/10 - For me it was a little too much information, but I totally understand if you disagree. I feel as if you’ve listed all the key plot points, taking out some of the mystery which should be left up to the reader to discover. It’s kind of like watching the Vikings series, but skipping to Wikipedia to read how Ragnar dies. I really like your characters name, just sounds cool, but i think the opening line could be more shorter and punchier… is a werewolf about to be sold into slavery. Something that really captures her and a key moment in the beginning of the story.

There’s a lot of information here to process and I’m uncertain what’s important story wise. Is it her death, or alluded attempted suicide, the meeting in the forest, even her fathers death? All are of equal value in the summary, but are they in the story? Hope this has been helpful.

And mine:

Oliver Keen is destined to destroy the world. He just doesn’t know it.

After his school bus crashes along the side of the road, Oliver is confronted by spirits from another world. They tell him he’s a Wyx - one with the power to control the elements and the minds of others. To prevent the world from ending Oliver must travel with them to Aulle, a land where spirits ride the skies on cloudy-winged whales and gods walk in plain sight. There he will have to learn to control his powers for the sake of everyone, even those who wish him harm.