Get your Teen Fiction summary rated!


#1

Hey guys! So, post your TEEN FICTION blurb down here and rate the one above you. So on :blush:

Don’t share links to your story here. With you want to advertise, Share Your Story thread is the place!

Be polite and nice :grin:

I will start:

Becoming Bad | on going

How bad can a good girl get?

With her entire future planned detail by detail and an abusive dad, all Adelina Baker wants is to protect her little brother, doing things that she never thought she would and maybe try to discover her true self along the way. And who better to teach her some bad things than the school’s bad boy himself?

Damien Stone has everything that it’s needed to be your typical bad boy. From a smirk that could make any girl fall over heels for him to his cocky and dangerous personality, he’s definitely not a person to mess with.

They make a dangerous deal that can change both of their lives forever. All he asks is one kiss, whenever he demands, to give her what she wants. With that, Damien will do everything in his power to teach Adelina, turning the two-goody-shoes into a bad person just like him. It’s part of their deal after all.

But can they find beauty in darkness? Or has the bad boy created someone worst than himself?


#2

Not a huge fan. It doesn’t feel unique, which is what I look for even in a trope. I want to feel the characters. With her, I feel like I’m just at the surface and don’t really know who she is. With him, I feel like I’ve just read the definition of his trope (plus the word ‘smirk’ makes me cringe, as I am not a fan of condescending characters. But I’m trying not to let that get in my way).

There are a couple of mistakes, but they aren’t glaring.

I like the second half where you show me how this might change them and gives me an idea of what happens, but not a fan of the first half. I guess I just want to be shown who the character’s are in a way that makes me want to get to know them better.

6/10


#3

Life, Love And A Little Coffee

With only a month left of high school, barista and student Ada Sinclair prepares herself for the next chapter of her life; her dream college and a fresh start that doesn’t put labels on everything she is.

But Ada’s ordinary life is shaken to the core when her mother returns home with a diagnosis - one that will change their lives forever. As she tries to hold it together for those around her, she seeks comfort from the man who has mentored her throughout the last four years - Mr. Bennet.

Tom Bennet has watched Ada grow from a timid and self-loathing girl, to a confident woman, ready to take on the world. But when Ada comes to him with a struggle she cannot face alone, he puts his career on the line for a friendship Ada desperately needs.

As the two grow closer, lines are crossed and boundaries are broken. He opens her eyes and shows her there’s so more to life than a good grades and playing everything by the book; It’s about making your own rules as you go along.

Learn to accept help.

Love as much as you can for as long as you can.

Maintain sanity and keep caffeinated.


#4

9/10, I like the story has college-age characters and how Ada has to deal with her mother’s dianosis. The only thing I don’t get is the whole coffee part, because the title mentions coffee while the summary only has one line that mentions the characteristic of coffee.

If there is any way to include the coffee part in the summary (without spoilering the book), then I think I would give it a 10 out of 10.

~

WHEN WE LEAVE

Rhys Middleton never thought that his father would be willing to mend their family back together. All he has seen was a cold, emotionless CEO and nights where he wondered when his father would come home. Now, Rhys is unsure about giving his father a redemption.

After graduating high school, Eden Falsey moves to New York to pursue her passion of being a violinist. Not until she realizes how much better everyone is good at playing, and how much she still feels amateur at her playing. Eden falls into a slump, struggling to uphold the expectations that every professor has.

As people’s expectations weigh down the two friends, a person from their past and a person from their present wiggle into their spiraling lives.


#5

7/10 It’s good. I do think some parts could be worded better.

You already did a good job setting up the characters and the conflict. But no where did you previously mention they were friends. Either introduce the second character from the point of view of the POV character (Rhys bumped into Eden an old friend) or set up how they meet because their connection in the third paragraph came out of nowhere.

I feel like there’s bad word choice here specifically. I would rewrite it as; ‘Until she realizes how much better everyone is, and how amateurish her playing is in comparison.’

It’d be better if you can specify a bit more within reason, what exactly happened. Like if she went to a show and got insecure, if she was out-violined when showing her skills, or other ways to be humiliated in class.


#6

DYLAN (subject to change, not published)

Lizzie Sheridan had everything taken away from her. After her father’s divorce for a five year mistress and stuck with her insufferable mother, she moves away to the family house in the suburbs. No friends, new school and a deteriorating relationship with her brother.

Renamed, small town Draymore knows her as Dylan Zhang. She lets herself go for once. To not be tied down by expectations. Because life isn’t perfect and nothing really matters.

But her cynicism takes a destructive turn when parties and drinking becomes her downfall. Especially when love goes wrong and everyone leaves her behind.


#7

7/10

Pretty good, but some grammatical errors. Maybe you can explain why she changed her name. Also, try to write in full sentences, unless it’s an action scene. But it does catch my attention, and with some elaboration, it can be a really good blurb :smiley:

Title: Mumbai

Blurb:

They say that Mumbai is the city of dreams.

But to Edward E. Kennard, the bustling Indian city is a new beginning in his life. And when a prestigious university in the metropolitan accepts him, Edward finds a way to leave his painful past in Chicago and to forget that he had once been loved.

When fate entangles him with Dipali Venkatesh-- a girl who is hunted for her life-- and lands him in a hospital with stitches all over his body, Edward realises that sometimes, the dreams that you hold can be shattered with a pull of a trigger. And sometimes, leaving the place you call home can lead you astray.


#8

8/10 sounds exotic and exciting! I’m curious as to why Edward would travel so far just to leave behind a past love, and why he gets involved with such a dangerous girl. Overall, very intruiging!

Title: Hope for Vogue

He would teach her about the culture in his home county, and she would teach him about the lack of culture in England whenever they had the chance to meet.
She had watched him with awe from the moment he began his career, and he had offered her emotional support as she finally took steps within her own career.
She had worked up the courage to ask for his phone number, and in return, he hadn’t ignored her messages.
While work kept them apart, messages and video calls are what brought them together.


#9

7/10 Your 1st sentence was a little confusing. I had to read it a few times. Is he from England? But it sounds like an interesting story about 2 people possibly coming together.

Remember Savannah

Have you ever lost a loved one?
Savannah was a loving sister and wife who tragically lost her life in a car accident. How will sister Margo and husband Steve be able to cope with her death? Is there life without Savannah?
Join Margo and Steve as they live their lives and remember life growing up with Savannah.


#10

You should put your characters’ names in your blurb.


#11

Thank you for your critique- I thought the same, so it’s good that someone else had the same thoughts as me :blush:


#12

Thank you for your critique; I’ll definitely work the character names into the blurb :blush:


#13

It’s just my opinion: The summary is good at introducing the plot but not at capturing the attention of the audience. Maybe an addition of what makes Savannah special, or why I should care about their lives after her, if there is something unique that happens due to her loss, would make me intrigued to read on. I commend you on the simplicity of your summary though!

Overall Rating: 5/10

Title: 3S

Summary: Two years and some months; the amount of time that has passed since the fifth of July, 2016. On that date, things happened; bad things:

Anne Pinon, the Saint, lost her memory and developed coulrophobia. She had it the hardest.

Adrien Songster, the Seducer, lost his brother and developed an obsession with biology. To him it was bearable.

Dylan Collins, the Satan, lost his faith in humanity and developed a soft spot for females. It wasn’t particularly bad for him.

The trio coped with their wounds, adapted.

Today, they pass each other in the halls of Greenmeadow High. They acknowledge each other at the annual sport competitions. They rival each other when it comes to popularity. Yet, to each other, they might as well be strangers.

Only in the beginning, because things are changing. A lot of things. Including murder.

The three, who believed their relationship to be as shallow as could be, are forced to realize, with the arrival of elements of their past, that the bond they share is stronger and more sinister than they ever could imagine, and it’s catching up to them.

The aftereffect of their history is catching up to them.


#14

This is teen fiction?

A husband, dead wife, dead wife’s sister sounds like adult fiction to me!

Unless the entire story is told in flashback to when they are teens.

Then that should be made more clear in your blurb.


#16

Much of the flashbacks take place during their teen years which help shape who they are today. I was debating which genre this should go under and in the end went with Teen Fiction because of the flashbacks. The characters are in their early 20’s.

Also, I know this story would also fall better in the New Adult Category, but that’s not a genre you can choose. I have noticed that when looking through Teen Fiction Stories, many also label it as New Adult.


#17

How old are the characters as adults?

Depending on the theme and the resolution of the story it might be better labeled as a General Fiction.

If the main conflict is dealing with the death of the Savannah and her death happens while they are adults, and most of the book happens outside of the teen years, then I tend to feel like it might be a bit of a “bait and switch” calling it teen fiction.

Your blurb doesn’t exactly scream Teen Fiction either. So if that is the genre you’re going with then you might want to shape the blurb around the teen portion of the story.


#18

What about Chick Lit? The mc is a female named Margo.


#19

Maybe. The tone of Chick Lit is usually light-hearted. So if your MC is dealing with her sister’s death with some crazy antics, then it could work.

But if there’s a more serious tone to your novel then I wouldn’t call it Chick Lit.

Not to mention you lose the potential for tapping into male readership by labeling it Chick Lit.

A story about grief or dealing with the loss of a beloved wife or sister could appeal to men. So I wouldn’t alienate that population.


#20

there’s a lot of phrases here that are being written as sentences, and some misplaced uses of punctuation. for the semi-colon, maybe you can replace that with a hyphen instead? it sounds more like an interjection than a two-connected thing. for most of the time, i tried to understand what you’re trying to say here, and i thought it was mostly due to the language you’re using here. it sounds as if you’re trying to impress the reader with all the simple and short sentences, like you’re trying to make an impact or some sort. don’t. this is a blurb, not the first chapter of your story. don’t try to make things seem more elaborate for the sake of capturing people’s attention. instead, hook people with your plot, not your writing. grab them through your conflicts, with the meat of your story. if people don’t care about your plot, they wouldn’t really be interested in checking out your writing style. again, this is all my opinion. i never mean to bash you as a writer, and i hope you don’t take this the wrong way. :slight_smile:

The Heart of a Queen

After a hostage situation that almost ended with her death, her friends are the only reason why Eleanor Lockhart, Colin Danvers Prep’s resident queen bee, isn’t suicidal yet.

She may know Isaac Crawford since birth, and she may recognize that he’s been dubbed as ‘king’ and her ‘male counterpart’ ever since her ex-boyfriend got expelled from school, but since Isaac is the sole person responsible for the tragedy that happened to her; since Isaac is the human reminder of the fraction of youth that she’s lost, all sense of pleasantry goes out of the window despite the fact that he’s sitting right within Eleanor’s circle.

So when Ansel Redwood arrives with more plans for the royal circle than he dares to let on, Eleanor and Isaac realize that their conflicting past proves to be an obstacle in achieving a mutual goal. However, if they fail to work together, they can risk losing the one thing uniting seven stubborn heads in one rambunctious circle - and that is, friendship.


#21

Thank you for your honest review! Honestly, I suck at blurbs. I have no problem writing my story, but this blurb is the 5th in the series of miserable attempts at a good blurb. I will keep your notes in mind and mend the errors. Another thing, the short sentences were structured in such way because I wanted to focus more on the facts than on the writing style; it seems I failed entirely in that respect.

Thank you once again!