9/10 It’s actually very good, the only real problems I can see are 1 - the clicheness. The bad boy, golden boy, and the girl hiding dark secrets as she moves to a new school. Maybe add something about what these secrets are or just add something that will make your story stick out a little more and attract the interest of the reader. And 2 - ‘really real’ isn’t really working for me. It confused me and it kinda just doesn’t sound right to me. Maybe just change it to ‘…never be able to be herself if she wants to be truly happy’. But other than that, no grammar mistakes and it’s well written, so overall I think it’s solid.
Yours Truly, Ramona
Ramona and her little brother were supposed to stick together. That was the promise that they’ve stuck to their entire lives. From corrupt foster homes to even more corrupt foster parents, it’s always been Ramona and little eight-year-old Mason, the two kids that stick together like glue.
But, unfortunately, life doesn’t abide by the rules of a child, and the very people Ramona has instilled even the slightest bit of trust in have found a way to betray her.
People like Owen Parker, the doctor Ramona trusted to treat her little brother’s sprained wrist last year.
But Owen Parker had other plans, and one year later he’s managed to dig his way back into Ramona and Mason’s lives, only to separate the two of them and send Ramona’s entire world into a downwards spiral of hatred, betrayal, and a hell of a lot of drugs.
Brotherless, parentless, and alone in the city of Portland, Ramona has to find a way to cope, and she has to find a way to forgive the man who took her little boy from her.
But Ramona can’t cope, she can’t forgive, and she can only bend so many times before she breaks.