Get your Teen Fiction summary rated!


#248

Here’s my blurb for my book Breaking Eden which has reached over 77K reads!

Full blurb:

Declan Payne isn’t your average multimillionaire CEO. He’s the owner of Pleasure in Payne, one of the worlds most profitable sex toy manufacturers. But underneath his poised, well mannered facade lies a sinister beast waiting to be released. And the moment he spots Eden the need to own her, in every way imaginable, consumes him. He’ll stop at nothing to claim what he believes is rightfully his.

Eden Burrows is a featured dancer at Harvey’s and couldn’t be happier. Only her days in the spotlight are numbered when she crosses paths with the stranger in room 6. What starts off as a routine job ends in betrayal and her imprisonment. Held against her will, Eden must over come her fear and fight to escape because, for her, dying is not an option.


#249

She’s a teen stripper? High school by day, the pole by night?

From the blurb it doesn’t sound like this novel falls into the YA/teen fiction genre at all.


#250

Well, it sounds like it will have sex scenes. I don’t really think this story falls under the Teen Fiction category like mentioned above. Overall, it’s not a bad summary (6/10) but it tells too much.


#251

Becoming Bad

How bad can a good girl get?

With her entire future planned detail by detail and an abusive dad, all Adelina Baker wants is to protect her little brother, do things that she never thought she would and maybe try to discover her true self along the way. And who better to teach her some bad things than the school’s bad boy himself?

Damien Stone has everything that it’s needed to be a bad boy. From a smirk that could make any girl fall over heels for him to his cocky and dangerous personality, he’s definitely not a person to mess with. He had his heart ripped away from him too soon and no one will be able to find it again, according to him. Damien is a dead person walking.

They make a dangerous deal that can change both of their lives forever. All he asks is for one kiss to give her what she wants. With that, Damien will do everything in his power to teach Adelina, turning the two-goody-shoes into a bad person just like him. It’s a part of their deal after all.

But can they find beauty in darkness? Or has the bad boy created someone worst than himself?


#252

I think that this summary has some amazing potential! It definitely sounds like one that a lot of thought and effort has been into! Here’s a couple tips:

I think you could just say ‘planned out in detail’, and I don’t think you need to outright say her father is abusive. Reader’s will surely pick up on that once starting the book. And the first sentence is a little long, I got semi-lost reading it. And, now this is completely personal preference, but I like the general ‘discover theri true self’ line to appear later in the summary.

Maybe say, “Her entire future may be planned out in excruciating detail, but all Adelina Baker wants is to protect her little brother. Maybe do some things she never thought she would. And who better to teach her some bad things than the school’s bad boy himself?”

I don’t really like the phrasing of the first sentence, kinda sounds like you followed a recipe when creating him. Maybe say, “Damien Stone is every bit his bad boy persona” or something like that. Or leave it as is- it is your summary! I also don’t think, ‘according to him’ is necessary, it kinda takes away the oomph. Love the last line!

I love the whole rest of the summary, too! My only other thing is to maybe take out the ‘but’ from the second to last question. It’s not needed, in my opinion.

So I guess my overall feedback is pretty cosmetic! You’ve got what sounds like a great premise here and I’ll probably go check it out! Hope this was helpful!

8/10


#253

Really Truly, Reese

17 year old Reese Maddison was ready to start over. To introduce herself and not get any pity. To walk into a room and not hear whispers. And when Jacob Ducal, the beautiful golden boy at her new high school takes an interest in her, the real her, Reese thinks she may’ve won the life do-over lottery. Life is…perfect.

Except for Beau Ellis, the infamous school screw-up, who seems to have fixated on her like the red laser sight of a sniper’s rifle. Except for the secrets she has no choice but to keep. Except for the fear that Reese will never be able to be really real if she wants to be truly happy.


#254

9/10 It’s actually very good, the only real problems I can see are 1 - the clicheness. The bad boy, golden boy, and the girl hiding dark secrets as she moves to a new school. Maybe add something about what these secrets are or just add something that will make your story stick out a little more and attract the interest of the reader. And 2 - ‘really real’ isn’t really working for me. It confused me and it kinda just doesn’t sound right to me. Maybe just change it to ‘…never be able to be herself if she wants to be truly happy’. But other than that, no grammar mistakes and it’s well written, so overall I think it’s solid.

Here’s mine:

Yours Truly, Ramona

Ramona and her little brother were supposed to stick together. That was the promise that they’ve stuck to their entire lives. From corrupt foster homes to even more corrupt foster parents, it’s always been Ramona and little eight-year-old Mason, the two kids that stick together like glue.

But, unfortunately, life doesn’t abide by the rules of a child, and the very people Ramona has instilled even the slightest bit of trust in have found a way to betray her.

People like Owen Parker, the doctor Ramona trusted to treat her little brother’s sprained wrist last year.

But Owen Parker had other plans, and one year later he’s managed to dig his way back into Ramona and Mason’s lives, only to separate the two of them and send Ramona’s entire world into a downwards spiral of hatred, betrayal, and a hell of a lot of drugs.

Brotherless, parentless, and alone in the city of Portland, Ramona has to find a way to cope, and she has to find a way to forgive the man who took her little boy from her.

But Ramona can’t cope, she can’t forgive, and she can only bend so many times before she breaks.


#255

@_nicolemiller Thank you! I actually really like that you thought it sounded cliche, because I’m using it as a front/illusion…not that you couldn’t describe the story that way but I chose a slightly misleading perspective purposefully because I’m evil and like tricking people.

As for the ‘really real’, I’ve thought about changing that last line quite a lot, but ultimately I’ve decided to stick with it for now because ‘really’ and ‘truly’ are part of the story’s title, which ties into the idea that she can attain both ‘true happiness’ and ‘real realness’. (Part of the conflict in the story is the MC deciding between who she wants the real her to be and who she really is- and she’s the only one that will be able to open people’s eyes to the real her…)

Of course, nothing is set in stone and I’ll definitely keep this in mind when I decide to rework it again! Thanks again!

_nicolemiller’s post needs to be rated!


#256

7/10. This blurb isn’t good but I find it confusing. There isn’t much information on the characters personalities. Also, the doctor part is what confused me the most, why does he care so much about ruining her life?

That sounds like her brother is her son. You may want to reword it. But overall this blurb leaves some wanting more but I would suggest rewording parts to make it less confusing.

Until You Came Along

Penny Wilson has been through hell and back. She was used to the taunts and glares but she never had gotten used to the pity. She doesn’t keep up with the trends or gossip and doesn’t know Jake Bishop.

Though when she finds herself replying to a tweet from Jake Bishop, an internationally famous singer, that her friends are obsessed with. She finds herself in a situation that anyone could only dream off.

Jake Bishop has been living under the spotlight since he was young. He had everything he would want, he had the looks, the charm, an English accent and the talent but he didn’t have the girl.

Penny doesn’t seem to fall for him, even with his looks and charm. Though the closer she gets to him the more she realises that Jake isn’t just a guy with an attractive face and a voice of an angel.

“I’m not the dream guy. Sure, I’ve girls yelling out my name every night I’m on the stage but I’m not your dream guy. I’m just Jake Bishop.”


#257

9/10, I really love the summary. Although it seems like the ending can already be guessed by reading the summary, maybe adding something else that will hook the readers in.

The Girl Next Door

Daniela Caden had a tough childhood, but luckily she had her best friend, Regan Greeley, and music by her side. There was one fear that everyone wanted desperately: to fall in love despite her past. It makes sense when her parents who were seemingly happy are now divorced, and what her father has done plagued her with mistrust.

Damon Forbes lost himself the summer before his senior year: parties and a girlfriend buried six feet under being the cause. When his parents tell him about the move, Damon was upset but after the bridge and the car, he is more than happy to forget his past.

When the Forbes’ family moves into the house next door, Daniela tries her best to avoid the boy at all costs yet Damon wants to get to know the mysterious girl next door. Damon finally can get to know Daniela, but with the cost of Daniela not letting him fully in and their pasts catching up to him.


#258

This blurb is very confusion. There are a lot of tense shift-age and tense error. There are parts that do not make sense at all:

There’s a fear that everyone wants desperately?

Your blurb tries too hard to be mysterious but just ends up confusing me entirely.
For example:

and

I am entirely confused. You should try rewording and fixing tense errors or getting professional help: 5/10

Number One

After being accepted into St. Elizabeth’s School of Excellence’s new elite program for scholars, Xaria Arden is more then exhilarated to attend one of the most prestigious schools in the country. With this amazing opportunity and her continuous strive for success, Xaria and her family move across the country so she can attend the prodigy school.

As one of the few new students in the program, speculation leads the entire student population to believe she may be the new scholar of the school. Something which catches the attention of Daniel Sinclair, an overachiever like herself and the school’s golden boy.

Being the school’s number one student, Daniel Sinclair seems perfect and flawless, two things that Xaria knows doesn’t exist even though she, herself, finds that it hard to fight against his charms. Although the two are fighting for the number one position in the program, a series of unexpected events and emotions develop. Two things that have no room in both of their lives.


#259

I love the words that you use and the name! This description is very catchy and I’m going to go add it now! 9/10!

“I can’t change who I am and I am proud to be able to be who I want to be. I actually feel sorry for you because you’ll never understand who you truly are.”

Remi Davis always knew she was different. It started when she found comfort in girl clothes rather than boy clothes and rather play with girl toys than boy toys.

Though, no one understood her making her repress those feelings and calling her ‘Ryan.’

After her peers bullied her to the point of suicide, her parents shipped her off to her aunts. They thought it was a punishment, she saw it as sweet freedom.

Though, being the new girl is tough, especially when you’re a guy.


#260

7/10.

Your summary is interesting. It’s completely different to me so I’d be excite to delve into the world of Remi and see how she grows in such environments. The only problem I had was that I think your summary needs some more work. As enticing as the quote is, I think you should have started off your summary with the last sentence. It’s brief, interesting and eye-catching.


#261

my story is still to be published. You can be honest with your critique, I’m still working on it!

FREAKS
The year is 1955 and Nada Johnson lives away from society.

Besides the peculiar ability she was born with, her mother and their lake-side cottage was all she knew. Nada has the power to control water. From droplets to seas, she was a gift that was cursed on Earth. Her mother, Ruth, protected her daughter from the monstrous mankind that lurked the streets. Out of desperation and hope, Ruth sends her daughter to a secluded underground facility, run by Charles Price. Price’s main goal is to rid Nada of her abilities, along with the others, welcoming them back to the hearts of the harsh society.


#262

Thank you! I’ll fix it up soon.


#263

I’d give it a 7.5/10. I only say this because while I think it’s a great start, it could use a couple more things. Try changing ‘lives away from society’. Maybe try a stronger word like, ‘sheltered from society’ or just something with a stronger diction. Also “…her mother and their lake-side cottage was all she knew” should be “…her mother and their lake-side cottage were all she knew”. And also ‘lake-side’ doesn’t need to be hyphenated, it’s just lakeside. Other than that, I’d say just add in a concluding sentence, one that promises conflict, and you’re golden. Maybe the main conflict is that Nada wants to keep her power (just an example) you could say something like: “But Nada doesn’t want to lose her gift, and she’s willing to risk everything to hold onto the one thing that makes her extraordinary”. I just thought of it off the top of my head, but whatever the conflict is in your story (besides the whole, ‘society is a monster’) should be alluded to in the last sentence to keep the reader wanting more. But honestly it’s off to a great start, and other than a few grammtical technicalities, I think it’s really good. I kinda wish it was published though, you’ve got me interested now :0


#264

Here’s mine:

Yours Truly, Ramona

Ramona and her little brother were supposed to stick together. That was the promise that they’ve stuck to their entire lives. From corrupt foster homes to even more corrupt foster parents, it’s always been Ramona and little eight-year-old Mason, the two kids that stick together like glue.

But, unfortunately, life doesn’t abide by the rules of a child, and the very people Ramona has instilled even the slightest bit of trust in have found a way to betray her.

People like Owen Parker, the doctor Ramona trusted to treat her little brother’s sprained wrist last year.

But Owen Parker had other plans, and one year later he’s managed to dig his way back into Ramona and Mason’s lives, only to separate the two of them and send Ramona’s entire world into a downwards spiral of hatred, betrayal, and a hell of a lot of drugs.

Brotherless, parentless, and alone in the city of Portland, Ramona has to find a way to cope, and she has to find a way to forgive the man who took her little boy from her.

But Ramona can’t cope, she can’t forgive, and she can only bend so many times before she breaks.


#265

Aaaah! Thanks heaps for your kind words and criticism, it was really helpful.


#266

This sounds intense. It really has me asking a lot of questions and the concept pulls me in as well. There’s something about reading stories involving the foster care system that really pull me in. I think you did a very good job of including details that make the reader want to know more – 9/10.

– – – – –

Eleutheromaniac

Eleutheromania: (n.) an intense and irresistible desire for freedom.

When her parents break another one of their no-good promises, Elizabeth Blackwell decides to run away from the five-star resort she’s staying at for the summer. A spontaneous road trip with an unconventional waiter is set into motion and Elizabeth is faced with things she’s never had to experience before. What was first thought to be a get away from her over-controlling parents turns into an adventure of a lifetime - one where Elizabeth comes to realize just how much of an eleutheromaniac she really is.


#267

Nick returns home from college to his old neighbourhood and is quickly sucked back into a world where drugs, all-night parties, casual sex and crime are the norm. As he struggles to cope with depression and a growing sense of alienation he develops an intense feelings for his enigmatic best-friend Terry, an attractive bad-boy dealing with his own demons.

Over the next fortnight he finds himself drawn into a dark web of desire and revenge that explodes in an act of shocking violence on a Halloween night that no-one involved will ever forget.