it’s no sweat! i sincerely apologize if i’ve made you feel discouraged to write in any way. i may mean to say one thing in my head, but it might have come out as a totally different thing for other people. if you want, you can PM me your changes and i’ll continue helping you from there!
I will be eternally grateful, please take care of me until I get it right!
yes!! do PM me when you’ve made changes!
There’s a lot of information dumping in this. I also don’t know how I feel about you using may so much. Overall I believe it is a good summary though.
I’ve always been a background character. I’ve always comfortable with that. I’d rather be average than the center of attention or a nobody. Attention seemed horrifying. Anything you do in high school is already scrutinized; adding popularity? My worst nightmare.
But one moment, one reaction, one incident can change the whole course of your life. One glance, one snap second decision, one minute late to class and your world flips. In that one moment, you set the course for the rest of your life, no take backs.
My moment came the first day of Senior year.
This is the summary of Ellie’s Adventure, my main story.
Tell me what you think.
Ellie Hickman was your average high school sophomore. Until her entire family was turned to stone. After being whisked away to the magical land of Cosmotopia, Ellie and her best friend, Katherine, go on lots of crazy adventures in hopes of getting back home. Along the way, the two make friends, and also enemies. Will Ellie and Katherine make it home again? Or will they be stuck in Cosmotopia forever?
I like the first paragraph. The MC sounds like a normal person, a good girl/boy, which is usually cliche, but you managed to introduce her/him in a good way. I also enjoy the second paragraph. It’s really good and well-written. For me, the only “bad” part is the last sentence. The first day of the Senior year is usually where most stories take place and it seems like your story will start off as cliche, which can totally kill the reader vibe. Try changing that, maybe don’t put that everything starts in the first day? 7/10
You need to rate the one above you or else your story can’t be rated.
I really like this summary. It’s compelling and you definitely want to know what happens next. It tells you just the right amount of information, not too much, not too little. I might actually go read your story.
I will rate yours.
I don’t really enjoy your blurb. I believe you need more content in your summary and try to make it look less cliche with the questions and everything. You definitely have a good plot in your hands but you just need to improve your blurb so the readers will click on your book. 7/10
“She belonged to no boy,
only to herself.”
Losing parents at sixteen is a baggage no teenager should ever have to carry but Amber White still did.
She had to grow up earlier than her classmates. One year later and she is already working on a part-time job, handling school and finding a way to sustain herself along the way.
But when her best friend’s heart is shattered, she decides to break the boy who did that to her.
Rumors spread fast and suddenly, Amber sees a way of gaining money for her university fund. Girls, from many schools, would actually pay her to avenge their broken hearts.
Everything is perfect until the bitchy queen bee from her school, Megan Waldorf, asks her to absolutely smash the golden’s boy heart.
The money is good but there’s only one problem.
Kyle Gray turns out to be the hardest boy she had ever needed to take down.
Your blurb is really amazing and I wanna know more! I might read this book, in all honesty.
I rate it 8/10. Good work x
Confessions of a Fangirl
“I’ll tell you what, I will quit one bad habit every time you confess about something bad that you did.” He smirked before lighting a cigarette.
I looked at him baffled. “What do you mean?”
“What I mean, princess, is for you to do live a little. You do something that a good girl like you would never even dream of and I quit something bad that I do almost every day. It’s a win-win situation. My parents won’t throw me out if I come out clean and you could enjoy your life. Deal?” He explained before taking his now lit cigarette near his mouth.
I debated with my own conscious before saying something I know I would regret later.
What the heck did I just do? Did I just make a deal with the bad boy?
Julia Norman isn’t your average teenager. She is what other people call her at school; a geek. Not a nerd, but a geek. In her words, she’s a fangirl.
Enter Jonah Walker. Typical bad boy; he’s the guy that every other guy wishes he was and every girl wanted to be with him. Every girl except Julia.
What happens when a harmless deal is placed between them?
It’s funny how a deal can make you do things you never even imagined. Or how you give something up.
7 confessions. 7 bad habits. 2 young hearts.
Join Julia and Jonah in their adventure in the Confessions of a Fangirl💕
I liked it. It has a similar plot to my story, Becoming Bad, but it turns to be a lot different. You have a good idea but for me, it’s too cliche. A bet between the bad boy and the good girl. What is the possibility? Specially when she doesn’t “like” him. Too much of a cliche to me. You should give it a twist. Maybe she got arrested and she needs his help? Something a bit different that could make your story stand out. For me, the title is a bit poor. It doesn’t really show what your story is about. Maybe, you could use: seven deadly habits? (an analogy to seven deadly sins) try to play a little with your title instead of using the one you have now. If you decide to use this title that I suggested, please give credit, lol. Overall, 5/10 because of the cliche on it.
6/10 Okay, I’m going to give both validation and try my best to think of how to improve it.
I think it’s too long. …and now I’m setting myself up for someone to tell me my blurb is too short, hahaha. Anyway I think you either have the excerpt, or the passage after which explains the premise of the story. But not both, too redundant.
I’d refrain from calling the deal harmless since it’s so critical to the premise of your story. It’s in conflict with the next sentence where you try to sell how much impact the deal can have.
“or how you give something up” I think you could emphasize the impact of the other side of the deal more; it’s not obvious what you’re talking about here.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s actually quite interesting to read since the premise itself is pretty interesting. It does strike the reader’s curiosity what sort of trouble Julia is going to get herself into before she confesses and how that changes her.
I just rewrote my blurb after being told that the original had too many rhetorical questions. Here’s the rewritten version.
And yes, I’m aware the title sucks. I can’t figure out a better one right now as “Special Someone” and many variations there-of are taken.
Meeting a Special Someone
Xue Ge is a delinquent who has just transferred schools, and he’s already set his sights on a beautiful girl that’s way out of his reach. Xue Ge hopes to score big, but an unusual boy named Matthias is making things much more complicated…
Xue Ge wasn’t prepared for a world of autism, racial identity, human rights and, of course, love triangles. Join Xue Ge, Jennifer and Matthias in this truly Malaysian journey of teenage romance and fighting for the ones you care about.
(should I post up the original for comparison? Would that be breaking the rules?)
8/10 This sounds interesting! There are so many topics that are involved in your story and I like how you add them. It is interesting to have all of there topics together! Have you added these as tags to your story?
College is amazing, the best four years of your life. New adventures and friends. Maybe even a love interest here and there. Haven’t you heard of the ring by spring for seniors? That is not in the cards for Xorina. Xorina is an incoming freshman moving 3,000 miles away from everyone and everything she has ever known. Including the love of her life Ash. She didn’t wanna break his heart while away. So she ended it before she left.
She broke her own heart by moving. It feels like someone is standing on her chest. Not allowing her to breathe. Hers shattered into a million pieces. Her heart will mend back together but it will take time. College is her time for growth. Her heartbreak will not crush her it will help her grow as water helps a flower grow.
Thanks! I have a rather huge number of tags, haha. But thanks for reminding me. So now I just added *humanrights, *racialidentity and *freedomofreligion.
Tags: * actuallyautistic, * asperger, * aspergers,* autism, * autistic, * bl, * boyxboy, * boyxgirl, * freedomofreligion, * freethelgbt, * fujoshi, * gay, * gayfiction, * highschool, * highschoolsweethearts,* humanrights, * interracial, * lgbt, * lovetriangle, * malaysia, * multiculturalromance, * racialidentity, * shounenai
7.5\10. It doesn’t make the reader wonder what’s going to happen next meaning they are less likely to read the book. I suggest ending it in a … or a question but is totally up to you. I love the female main characters name, it’s so unique.
Loving The Famous
‘Find a nice boy and all your troubles will be solved.’
That’s my mother’s advice for me, find a nice guy, get hitched and pop out grandchildren that are named after her.
My goal? My goal was quite the opposite.
Three rules to completing my life goal;
Rule One. Discard everything mother and Jake say about love
Rule Two. NEVER finish a book.
Rule Three. Follow your heart unless it leads next door.
Anna Bishop, sister of Jake Bishop who is also known as the world famous pop singer, Jake J.
Anna is content living in her brothers shadows. She has no desire in becoming a full pledge member of ‘I’m famous’ live.
Martin Dawson, an internationally famous pop singer and Jake’s best friend, comes back home from tour with one thing in his mind. Or should I say someone.
That one someone had been on his mind all tour long, Anna Bishop.
“She doesn’t want the fame and I don’t want to drag her into it because I’m selfish. Can you blame me though? I want to show her off to others.”
6/10. I’m confused about what this story is about.
“It’s amazing how much you can change after meeting one person.”
Mason Hill is sarcastic, bossy, and definitely straight. That is, until he met Asher Hayes.
Asher Hayes is a total sweetheart. The opposite of Mason. And he’s definitely not straight.
What happens when Mason and Asher end up crossing paths one chilly autumn morning?
The summary is very short, as are the sentences/paragraphs. There’s almost nothing about the plot in there. You might want to make it larger, with more about the plot and such. Also, I know many turn away when you start a summary with a quote, so you could possibly remove that
From The Bad Boy Mage:
Destruction, chaos, and blood. No matter how much Abigail to tried to run or tried to hide her true nature, it has always found a way to consume her life.
It will no longer be suppressed.
In a fit of anger, Abigail lost it all in a matter of moments. Now, on the run and cornered like a rat, a boy with piercing white eyes and abilities similar to her’s comes to her rescue. He is offering her a new life, a new beginning. Left with little choice, she takes Blake’s offer.
Unfortunately, his offer comes with a price. Cocky, arrogant, and frustratingly good looking, Blake is a constant annoyance while Abigail adjusts to Salzor and the Pasith Academy for Magic. To make matters worse, her struggles catches the unbeating heart of Victor Larimar, a lost vampire prince and forever second to Blake.
Yet Abigail’s life isn’t as simple as attempting to control her powers while swatting away these two pests; the numbers of demons are growing, seeking control. A threat forcing Abigail, Blake, and Victor to come together and face it head on.
If only it were that simple.
New here so giving this a go.
Living in a home where mirrors are forbidden and a glance at one’s reflection could bring disaster, Hope Martinez has found her life to be filled with unanswered questions. She wants to be a normal high school girl, but her family’s mysterious power has awoken within her. For three long years she has avoided mirrors fearful of the monster inside. Now sixteen, Hope learns she has an incredible destiny. Hope is to destroy the world.
One day Hope makes the mistake of glancing into a mirror. She slips through the glass into a parallel world. There she meets her reflection, a boy named Owen, whose thievery has gotten him into a deadly chase with the Half-Life, Desire. The two escape and are thrust into the start of a war between three rival kingdoms.
Nothing is without consequence, and her arrival, though once a blessing, has brought a devastating prophecy into action. Hope learns she is a Mirrorbender, part of a great family with the power to manipulate reflections. The ten powerful Half-Lives have begun to infiltrate high society spreading their evil, and Hope is the key to their success. As she comes to learn more of her power, the Half-Lives set traps to assure the prophecy goes their way leaving Hope to choose: accept her destiny or fight an impossible unchanging fate.