HAZAAH Honest Book Critiques 1 (Closed )

writing
feedback-offered
critiques
critiquingservice

#101

@wandering1234 you are next in line for a review!


#102

@JuniperWinter @Hannah_Janine @AverySummers @Orumeena @NickfEast @hatefuls33 @ModernWaterRider @MMicheleWilly @AnneMcKae @Never_Fail_Yourself @TheMCOfficial @YoItsYeau @CatharsisKingdom @JJohnson-Pitter @another_xreaderx @iHateMilks @wandering1234 @MisterRabbit @laynejodi @DonatelloCreates @jgrace2197

I am currently doing some changes for HAZAAH Book Critiques as I am nearing the end of this list and preparing to do another critique thread. I’m planning on putting my critiques on my new book review on my author page. If you don’t want your book advertised there with a review please let me know. Again thank you for your patience.


#103

I’m okay with my review there! Thanks for letting me know!


#104

Me too.


#105

I’m okay with that. Thx for the info.


#106

I’m okay with that thank you for letting me know


#107

I will begin adding my reviews on there to those who have given me the green light. I may if I have the time revisit your work or add more to my final thoughts. On there I have also added a more detailed description as to what I look for in each category and some helpful tips on how to improve your writing. For those who haven’t been reviewed yet, I haven’t forgot about you!

Thanks! Love everyone!

175696675-352-k977724

https://www.wattpad.com/683637434-hazaah-book-reviews-welcome

@JuniperWinter @Hannah_Janine @AverySummers @Orumeena @NickfEast @hatefuls33 @ModernWaterRider @MMicheleWilly @AnneMcKae @Never_Fail_Yourself @TheMCOfficial @YoItsYeau @CatharsisKingdom @JJohnson-Pitter @another_xreaderx @iHateMilks @wandering1234 @MisterRabbit @laynejodi @DonatelloCreates @jgrace2197


#108

I keep forgetting to check this. XD
Ah, yeah that’s all okay with me.


#109

Ok np add your review in the book


#110

I don’t mind go ahead


#111

Sounds good :+1:


#112

Some of you should start noticing your reviews have been added to the HAZAAH Book Review. More great things to come!

@JuniperWinter @Hannah_Janine @AverySummers @Orumeena @NickfEast @hatefuls33 @ModernWaterRider @MMicheleWilly @AnneMcKae @Never_Fail_Yourself @TheMCOfficial @YoItsYeau @CatharsisKingdom @JJohnson-Pitter @another_xreaderx @iHateMilks @wandering1234 @MisterRabbit @laynejodi @DonatelloCreates @jgrace2197


#113

I want to thank everyone again for their patience. I started my new job at the beginning of the year and I’ve been stressed. So again thank you.


#114

thanks, can i just ask how many chapters you read? just the first 2-3 right?


#115

Please remember all my comments are meant to be constructive and are not a representation of you as a writer.

Review for The Adventures of Prince Vajendra

Summary 6/10
I found the summary interesting for the most part. There were some odd sentences and a fragment I saw that kept me from giving this a higher rating. I was confused by the central plot of the story. Besides some of the cool things Prince Vajendra can do, I don’t see him holding his own story. He lacks motivation or a sense of determination that would make him a relatable character. I am also confused by his lack of wanting to save the world causes him to want to retrieve his powers from an evil pharaoh. I imagine him much more inclined to sit back, relax, and party. If this was not the intention, I suggest going back and rewording this summary because right now I don’t get much conflict or plot that would make me want to snag this off the shelf and buy it.

First Line 6/10
The first line make me want to say, “well why don’t you jump in the water? What is stopping you?” Not the best of opening lines, but also not the worst. Almost redundant in its thought to me. After that I am immediately thrust into backstory. While backstory is fun to write it is not the best way to get your information across to the reader. Telling is what it is called in the writing world. I would much rather see the bustling markets in detail by having the character interact with it or experience the world through the actions of the character and not get a history lesson in a couple of paragraphs.

Readability 5/10
There is a lot of extra words and phrases in the first couple of chapters. A good edit down could make the flow easier to read for descriptions and between scenes. I found I was lost in some places wondering where the main character went when backstory interrupted the plot. I still did not get much plot besides some backstory on religion, mythology, resurrecting the dead, and princely duties. I did like the part with the gods and their point of view, but I was by that time overwhelmed with information it was difficult to process fully.

Grammar 6/10
I noticed a lot of grammar errors centering around punctuation, odd word choice, sentence structure, and a couple places where capital words appeared within sentences that were not proper nouns. A good editor here could fix these in a snap.

Characters 6/10
Within two chapters I get a ton of characters, all introduced quickly with little time to soak in who they are and their connections with the story. I also wish I could relate more to the prince. The interaction between the characters, mainly the prince and the grand vizier, was believable to a point. I believe a bit more pacing between characters and scenes would make a vast difference in how the characters are introduced.

World Building/ Setting 7/10
While most of the setting and world exists in backstory, I enjoyed it. I would like to see the characters interact more with the world around them than read about it in infodump paragraph.

Total Score 36/60

Final Thoughts: I see a lot of potential here. The problem lies in that all that I like about the story is shrouded in backstory and not allowed to breathe. I would love to see the story paced a little bit slower but provide me with excitement right off. I would also like to have a more relatable character with flaws, conflict, and a motivation/passion for something greater. The characters may evolve as the story goes on, but waiting around for character development may not do for many readers. I would love to see some more edits to the grammar as it was distracting at times. Other than that I have high hopes for this story, the setting and mythology is unique compared to many stories I see on wattpad.


#116

@MisterRabbit you are next to be reviewed!


#117

Many thanks for your feedback,But what would have happened had the chapter been an action scene from the start? Would that have in any way affected the reading style as before?

Basically, he’s over-powered. Its meant to make fun of the ‘evil witch/warlord wanting to conquer the world’. He can save the world if he wants too, but that would be a boring job to do. He’s not going to party as much, its more he’d rather not save the world because human history to him is just conflict and that’s it. What in your view would make my MC relatable or determined? I keep getting these comments but am frustrated because I have no clue how to make him relatable. What is that would stand out to you in this novel?

I am ESL, so my main frustration is understanding English grammar. How long does it take for someone like me to master grammar?


#118

Don’t get frustrated. Writing is difficult. You’re off to a good start.

I did give some advice in my review on how to make him more relatable. But to break it down further… Imagine you have a superhero movie where the main character was so over powered he had no reason to save the world or do anything to help anyone. It doesn’t make for an exciting character or movie. Yes, I understand that is the character you envisioned, but he seems to not have a solid goal, a funny quirk, a reason basically. By relatable I mean a character that in full of emotion, able to evolve, sometimes change his thinking, strives for some passion, conflicted by a troubled past and a desire to make it better. What I see here is a very flat character. He finds saving the world to be boring and that’s it. You see relatable characters all the time in films and books. Take Batman for example. He is a stoic character that keeps to himself and has trouble making friends, but what makes him interesting is his troubled past on losing his parents after they are murdered, his drive to avenge them, bring justice to a city run by corruption, while hiding in the shadows of his passion/obsession, bats, and his insecurities. A character like that is dynamic and many people can relate to someone who has lost someone dear to them and the desire to make things right.

As far as grammar goes, don’t sweat. That is an easy fix that comes with time.


#119

Many thanks for the feedback and I will work hard on improving my novel.


#120

Please remember all my comments are meant to be constructive and are not a representation of you as a writer.

Review for Bitten by History

Summary 9/10
As I found two separate summaries let me break down both. First I will start with the one on your book page. I found this summary to hit almost all the points that I look for in a summary. The only thing it was missing was originality. It read like many other vampire stories, children of an influential family are thrust into a dark underground world of blood sucking monsters that threaten their survival. If I told that line to anyone, they might ask which vampire book I’m talking about. My first thought is Anne Rice and her historical vampire novels. The summary you posted on this thread has an added sentence that makes the story more compelling but still leaves me wanting more unique. Also I believe you have a typo here, “a group of people with an ounce of remorse,” should read “a group of people without an ounce of remorse.”

First Line 7/10
Your first line hit me like a ton of bricks. I was surprised, shocked, and left bruised. While I do like how you start out your story, I was misled to believing this was a historical piece and not modern day. Perhaps the title threw me off. I would suggest adding the time period to the summary.

Readability 7/10
You go on with a lot of dialogue, and as a person who is a sucker for believable dialogue, I found it rather amusing. I would have liked to see a bit more setting descriptions in the opening or perhaps more interaction between characters and the world around them. We move on to other scenes and characters all of which shifted and appeared very quickly and caused me to back track on occasion to remember who was speaking and how the characters suddenly got there. Chapter one ends kinda on a flat note and I don’t get the excitement I wanted to stay hooked until chapter two. I do see you are attempting to build characters and form relationships, I need that hook in the first chapter. I also will say your chapters are very long and filled with many many different scenes. I suggest splitting them up and expand upon each scene like it was it’s own chapter. Chapter two reads much better to me. You focus more on one scene and give me the action and gusto I wanted earlier on.

Grammar 9/10
Not many mistakes I saw while reading. Mostly punctuation errors and some odd words and phrases. A good edit will fix those up quite nicely.

Characters 5/10
There are a lot of characters here. A lot. I had to rank this section the way that I did because due to the many characters introduced in the opening chapters I, as the reader, had little to no time to grasp their personalities and form an image of them in my head. This could come down to a pacing issue and more character descriptions. I would also like to see characters be more relatable. Most felt cookie cutter to me and lacked the depth I wanted to make them stand out. Dialogue is a great way to get to know a character, and for a small few I got that very well.

World Building/ Setting 6/10
Again I go back to the pacing and the little focus on setting description. Your writing style is mostly dialogue based and read to me much like a play with a side note here and there for detailing a short “here is where we are, now moving on.” Again you improved with your following chapters, but that first chapter is very important to nail, otherwise you may lose a lot of readers.

Total Score 43/60

Final Thoughts: This was a dialogue heavy story that grew on me. It was very fast paced and many characters were introduced. While introducing characters is fun, I felt overwhelmed and the characters I wanted to experience more from got lost. I also would love to see a tiny addition of uniqueness. While your story is good, and the plot is there, it is one I have read before. You have powerful moments in here and thrillingly bloody murders, just keep in mind the reader does not have the story already in their head and what may make sense to you may not be clear to the reader. I hope my comments have helped and I wish you best of luck. If you ever need any writing advice, I am here to help.