Help with Blurb?


#1

Hi, is anyone really good at tearing apart blurbs and fixing them? I’d really love the help if possible! (the last few sentences are really cringey no matter what I do)

Amour Next Door

After graduating from high school, Elle returns to her grandmothers home in France for the summer, just like she’s spent every summer. She just wants to relax and spend her last few months before college having fun with her summer friends. She reconnects with Elio, her grandmothers neighbor and her best friend for the last seventeen summers. Elle and Elio had always been best friends, but with the two harboring secret feelings only time will tell if they reveal their true feelings.


#2

Feels a little repetative because theres 4 mentions of summer in such a short span. I’d try to cut a few out. Something like…

After graduating from high school, Elle returns to her grandmothers home in France, a tradition she does every summer. Her goal is simple: relax and have fun with her friends before college.

When she reconnects with Elio, her grandmothers neighbor and her best friend for seventeen years, new feelings start to emerge.

Then I suggest adding something that makes those feelings a problem for Elle and Elio. Because right now it seems like they both have feelings but there isn’t any real reason why they couldnt just be together. Is it because shes only there for the summer? Is something between them forbidden because the families are war? What is the reason these developing feelings are bad and how does it tie into the plot?


#3

Thanks!! Is this better?

After graduating from high school, Elle returns to her grandmothers home in France, a tradition she does every summer. Her goal is simple: relax and have fun with her friends before college .

When she reconnects with Elio, her grandmothers neighbor and her best friend for seventeen years, new feelings start to emerge. Trying to ignore the feelings that will only wreck her heart once summer ends. She knows the love won’t work, so why does she want it so bad?


#4

You get repetitive again by using ignore twice in the same sentence. So I suggest cutting one. Now some questions so I can try to get a clearer picture and be able to offer suggestions.

Why does she know the love won’t work? Has she been burned in the past? Is it again because of the summer thing and she doesn’t do long distance? Is she just a commitment phobe? Is it something to do with Elio himself?


#5

She doesn’t want to ruin their lifelong friendship and she knows they’ll just be separated when the summer ends and she returns to the US most likely falling out of love being so separated. Her mother left her father so she does have trust issues with love.


#6

All right that’s helps. I only have a couple minutes of my lunch break left so lemme try to offer one more suggestion. I can come back when I get home and help more if this doesn’t spark something in you (or others don’t jump in to help)

When she reconnects with Elio, her grandmothers neighbor and her best friend for seventeen years, new feelings start to emerge and they certainly complicate her carefree summer. Love is a danger to a friendship she’s grown to cherish and not something she’s ever sought out, but sometimes ignoring ones heart does more damage. If Elle doesn’t stop fighting the truth within, she might just find she loses everything.

That’s pretty rough but maybe it gives you an idea.


#7

Thanks!
Not to change everything up but I’ve decided to make it a “love triangle” between her and two brothers. Would it work to just basically add another name like this?

After graduating from high school, Elle returns to her grandmother’s home in France, a tradition she does every summer. Her goal is simple: relax and have fun with her friends before college .

When she reconnects with both Elio and Oliver, her grandmothers neighbors and her best friends for seventeen years, new feelings start to emerge between Elle and the brothers- and they certainly complicate her carefree summer. Love is a danger to friendships she’s grown to cherish and not something she’s ever sought out. But sometimes ignoring ones heart does more damage. If Elle doesn’t stop fighting the truth within, she might just find she loses them both.


#8

Love is a danger to Elle’s quiet plan of a carefree summer at her grandmother’s home in France. Once her best friends and partners in mischief, brothers Elio and Oliver have another plan in mind. Will the boys next door convince her to take a chance? Will she lose her heart or the friends she’d known forever?

Or, something like that.


#9

ooo maybe something like that. The main issues would be her issues with commitment and that both brothers are fighting to have her.


#10

Is she picking between the two or will they have her together? Grandmother’s is possessive, and so is neighbor’s, whatever you decide. :slight_smile:


#11

she’s picking between the two, it’s a love triangle.


#12

I got that. Haha. Well, I hope I’ve helped some.


#13

I won’t be able to help on the blurb with the love triangle for the simple fact I can’t stand love triangles LOL So my bias alone would make me give bad advice. But definitely add the third name and make it clear it’s a love triangle especially since it appears the romance aspect is the main plot point.