So yup. I’m gonna do this again.
But this time, I have a different problem! I have a section in my story that I’d like to share and get some opinions on. I find that it’s okay, but I would really appreciate it if you think it needs more description, more accuracy, or whatever you think it needs.
Now, my main reason why I’m doing this is because there’s a part where the character breaks their leg and I’m wondering if I did this correctly. I’ve done a lot of research on it (specifically compound fractures) but I’m not too sure how well I communicated it and if the graphics worked for it.
To better understand this scene: the character is chasing down a murderer (he knows this person—but that’s not really important to the scene) and he falls, breaking his ankle in the process.
This scene is supposed to be graphic, so if you feel disturbed, then I’m doing my job right (hopefully). But if you think it could use more gore and details, please say so! And if you see anything else that needs improving (grammar, punctuation…) don’t hesitate to say so!
Once I reached near the spot he stood—to watch me—a harsh snap, like metal pounding against each other, echoed through the woods. Through the silence, the sound of a crack pierced my ears as my body twisted and fell forward. An intense twinge ran up and down my leg until the pain was replaced with a numbness that throbbed around my right ankle. I looked down, afraid to see the damage, and realized that the situation just got worse.
My ankle was caught in a hidden bear trap. It wasn’t much of a surprise as I should have guessed it earlier. But the metal that held onto my skin for dear life wasn’t the problem. My ankle was broken. It wasn’t just broken, though. The bone itself ruptured through my skin as blood ran down my foot, causing the snow to stain red.
A small part from the jagged edge of the bone poked out. Blood smothered it, so at first glance, you could hardly tell what stuck out of my ankle. Muscle tissue poked through the skin and in-between the fracture as if it had wanted fresh air. The agonizing pain was worse than what I had endured before; I would rather be beaten to a pulp than watch my bone escape my leg.
My leg became sensitive; it couldn’t be touched. So how could I move it? Or, well, not move it? How could I continue going after him if my leg was not only shattered, but stuck in a bear trap?
I mentally rolled my eyes and realized that if I wanted to see the light of day again, I would have to get up and continue the fight. With that, I carefully moved closer to the bear trap. Placing my palms on either side of the contraption where the metal bars were, I pressed down on the springs which opened the jaws of the mechanism, releasing my leg from its grasp.
Carefully, I allowed my leg to escape the bear trap of hell, screaming from the non-stop affliction. Once my leg was fully on the ground, my body fell back in the snow. With every inhale and exhale, it became harder to breathe.