Honest Review of your lovely books

Long story short, I’m using a short story of mine to try and get into a writing camp, and I need all the help I can get. WHEN U REVIEW MY BOOK, PLEASE FOCUS ON WHATS WRONG WITH IT. You don’t need to pacify me by sprinkling some positive feedback in there

Payment and stuff: This is for people serious about wanting to get better and not just looking for reads. I’ll review the first chapter of your book if you also review the first chapter of mine, and the amount of work you put into it is the amount of work I will put into yours. Please don’t begin payment until I say ACCEPTED. I will review yours when you are done :))

PS: if I really like your story I’ll promote it on my page

Link to my story: https://www.wattpad.com/story/206656412-a-flower-in-the-rubble

Thank you lots and lots


Book title: My Secret Mobster Boyfriend
Author: AthenaKosalla
Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/206331065-my-secret-mobster-boyfriend

“I only have three conditions: you’ll accompany me whenever your presence is needed, don’t tell anyone this isn’t real and do not fall in love with me.”

Dark prince meets nerdy doctor:
Cate needs a boyfriend to avoid dreadful embarrassment at her upcoming high school reunion. Dray needs to bring home a girl with marriage potential before he will be allowed to take over the family business. In the absence of better options they agree to help each other. But with them obviously living in two completely different worlds, can this fateful deal really work out or will everything just end in an epic disaster?

Caitlin Whitecross is in a delicate position. Her high school sweetheart just got engaged to her ex-best-friend. Now she really needs to present a man at her school reunion to not end up as the pitiful talk of the town. However, being an infamous wallflower, will she really be able to pick up a guy in time to save her from further humiliation?

Drayce Ryu is the renowned second in line of the Blue Dragon Gang. Being a business man at day and a mobster at night, he is used to leading an independent, lonesome life with no strings attached. - At least until the day his father wants him to settle down with the woman he chose, a pureblood mobster princess of high status, to strengthen his position in the underground scene, completely ruining Dray’s future plans. He sure as hell needs a way out of this!

When Cate’s and Dray’s lives randomly cross paths one too many times they decide to help each other out, coming up with the idea of a dating agreement for two months in order to sort out their personal affairs, no feelings involved of course.

But with Cate not knowing Dray’s true identity and him constantly hiding things from her, can they actually finish off their deal without an epic disaster? And if Cate ever found out with whom she’s gotten herself involved with, would a nerdy geek like her really be able to handle it?

Hey! I’d like to review your story if you could do the same with mine. I wish you the best of luck to make it into writing camp! Sounds so exciting! :smiley:
Please let me know if you accept!

I’d love to review your story! If you could review the prologue of mine, that would be wonderful!
Frozen Flame

This is book 1 of ‘the War of Fire and Ice’ chronicles.

An old age is setting, a new age is dawning…

The world of Fire and Ice has been at each other’s throats for centuries. As new rulers rise to power, the peace that has barely lasted between the two, looks as if it’s ready to break. A deathly secret, found deep within Ice, may be the deciding factor to the vicious battle ahead.
Thorn, a powerful soldier with a dark past, has been captured. Vowing to keep a secret that may decide the world’s fate, he experiences pain and torment. However, when his family gets involves, he realizes his choices may endanger their lives.
As each ruler fights to achieve their wishes, and Thorn’s family become more and more at risk, the inevitable war fast approaches. Death approaches.
And sometimes death is the only answer.

Genre: Fantasy (Epic/High and Dark) - Romance, Mystery, Thriller etc.
Ongoing - 1 prologue, 46 chapters
I hope you take the time to check out my story! :blush:
Imagination, dreams and reality become one … Sylvia Shadow

Enter the world of Fire and Ice here

I’d be glad to take a look at your book! :heart: I’d appreciate it if you took a look at my prologue at least!
St. Văduva’s School for Troubled Girls


Lengthy shadows warble and add to the eeriness of the principal’s office. And yet, none of the light seems to reach Mircea Vladimir. He carries a certain darkness about him, as though he is darkness itself.

Deep in the Hoia Baciu forest in Cluj-Napoca, Romania, the private school of St. Văduva’s School for Troubled Girls lies. Run by Mircea Văduva Vladimir-the youngest headmaster in the area-the school is well known for the great reform work he accomplishes. He is mysterious and extremely strict, but that’s what makes the girls work hard.

Temperance MacKenzie is sent to this school in her senior year of high school because of a fight that broke out unexpectedly. Dealing with declining health, Temperance doesn’t care about anything anymore. After meeting Mircea, though, she begins to get better. When she discovers more about him, the better her health gets.

After a student dies, Mircea and Temperance team up to find the girl’s killer. Then, as more random killings begin happening at the school, the school’s reputation becomes a feared one. With his precious academy’s reputation on the line, and with the safety of his students in jeopardy, Mircea and Temperance must put a stop to the serial killer before it strikes again, despite Temperance worrying that she may actually be the killer.

(Vampire, murder mystery, romance, horror, mature)

Accepted :slight_smile:

1 Like

accepted :slight_smile:

1 Like


K, I’ll get started!

1 Like

I’d like a peak at mine.

Come sail the Everblue sky alongside Evan and his sister, Claire Montresser!

It was always Evan’s dream to become a Leaf and pilot an airship. Claire just wants to keep her brother as far from the brewing war as possible. But when a mysterious girl with crystals embedded into her wrists falls onto Evan’s airship during his pilot’s test, Evan and Claire find themselves thrown into a chain of unfolding events that will bring them to the center of the Everblue sky, and the reason their fragmented world is trying to tear itself further apart. What role does this girl play in the destruction of Evan and Claire’s world, and why is the Empire willing to start a war just to kill her?

I’ll begin if accepted.

Done. Nice job! (Commented in comment thread of book)

1 Like

accepted :slight_smile:

I shall review to the best of my ability! Are you looking for line-by-line critiques or just a general overview of how I feel about the story?

Here’s mine:

Title: Second Sun Horizon

Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/206716542-second-sun-horizon

Blurb: A young woman named Ilenia and a motley crew of companions set out to discover the secrets of magic only to find that such power has a mind of its own and an agenda to fulfill, one that has been in the making for thousands of years.

Hi! Thanks for any consideration :slight_smile:

Title: After I Fall
Abbey Sampon’s world fell apart when her husband, Braeden, went missing during his mission in Afghanistan seven years ago. Falling prey to drug addiction, the world she knew was quickly replaced with mayhem and shattered dreams. A chance encounter brings her face to face with Cole Donner, a prominent Wall Street executive, who nearly takes her home for a night of passion until she falls victim to a drug overdose.

Cole Donner was a victim of child neglect adopted into one of the wealthiest families in New York City. From age twelve he learned to blend into a world of luxury and power but has never quite fit in. Now, saddled with his two young, troubled brothers, Cole does whatever he can to maintain his career on Wall Street while attempting to give them a good life. After receiving the worst possible news, he is forced to hire a live-in house manager to handle his affairs.

A crazy twist of fate lands Abbey, a woman he thought he would never see again, in his interview hot seat.

When you hide, love finds you.

Link: After I Fall

Line by line would be great! accepted

I’ll get on it!

1 Like

I’m interested in reviewing your short story :slight_smile:

Title: A Moment to Remember
Cover: 29
A moment to remember is about an ordinary woman, Eliza Jennings, in her mid-twenties, working in a magazine company. At first she thought her life would always be the same, dull and nothing special but it seems things began to take its course as she met a certain man that might as well brought them together by fate that may change her life as she knows it. (Working Summary)
Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/206451207-a-moment-to-remember

I’d be happy to do a read for read but are you ok with mature stories?

yeah thats fine


Title: Hell’s Smitten
Blurb: You’ve been training to be a part of Hell’s Kitchen for almost eight years, and now your time has finally come. Will you impress your idol, Chef Gordon Ramsay, or will you be sent home in tears?
Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/189477325-hell’s-smitten-gordon-ramsay-x-reader

I’ll be very in depth on your book for you if you’ll do the same for mine, I want to be sure I have the best opening chapter possible. I’d also be up for reading further into your book in exchange for your thoughts further in as well!

Hello! I would like to help you and get help in return.

I only have one chapter completed right now so this is perfect ^.^

My story: Kitty Man
Genre: Fantasy, light novel (goal is for it to be a manga)
Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/205250566-kitty-man-volume-1