How do I know if I am bisexual or pansexual?

discussion
help

#1

So I am a 14 year old girl and lately I have been questioning my sexuality. All this time I have had crushes on boys but from the past few months I have been wondering how it would be with a girl. No, I haven’t had a crush on a girl who I know but when I imagine myself with girl sexually or romantically it doesn’t repel me or disgust me. In fact, I like it. But I am still not sure.
The other thing is even if I am bi or pan (still not sure about that) I don’t know how to come out to my parents as we come from a place where homosexuality is not acknowledged. There in no homophobia in our society due to the fact many people do not know that homosexuality exists. Many even think it is used as an element of humour in movies.
I have thought of coming out to my friends first for a lot of time as they have once told they support the LGBT community but then I am not sure how they’d react to me being bi or pan. And most importantly, I do not know if it’s a phase. I fear that if I come out to my friends and then after a while realise that I am straight.
I’d be glad if someone could give me a piece of advice.


#2

Sexuality is fairly fluid, so it is likely that you’re somewhere on the bi-spectrum. I’d say feel around for how safe it is where you come from (even if people don’t believe homosexuality even exists, it’s not necessarily socially safe) before diving head first into the community. There is nothing wrong with experimenting with what you like, even if it did turn out to be a phase. And remember that no one knows you better than you do.


#3

If you don’t really know you’re sexuality any farther then knowing you’re not fully “straight,” you can just call yourself “queer.”
That’s pretty much what I’ve been doing lately, since I’m on that weird scale of the asexual spectrum, sprinkling in some bi-romantics.
Sexualities are confusing and, personally, I believe we focus a little too much on labeling ourselves.


#4

You don’t need to define it at all if you don’t want to. You’re just 14, that’s a lot of teen years (and years after that) to experiment and figure things out without labeling yourself - especially if you’re not sure. You could start with opening a conversation about it to one of your closest friends, and see how it goes, and maybe say that you’re not sure yet but this is how you feel right now. There’s nothing wrong with being unsure, like others wrote about me, sexuality is fluid.


#5

Just to experiment I once asked my mom what would she do if she had a gay son.I was surprised when she said she’d accept him. She went on to tell that it would not be his fault if he was born like that. Even though I was glad, she had gotten a few things mixed up. She thought those who were gay behaved like woman. Even though she is supportive, I don’t how she’d react to her own daughter being bi.


#6

If she is open-minded, she probably wouldn’t want to cut relations over something like that. Either way, it’s your life.


#7

You can be bisexual and then find out you’re pansexual, or identify as pansexual for as long as it fits until you feel more comfortable saying you’re bisexual. Sexuality changes as we change; you needn’t stress yourself to adhere to strict standards and definitions now and it’s perfectly okay to change your mind later.


#8

U are 14, you have barely went beyond imagining how it would be. I would probably not carry any label of sexuality when you haven’t even tried or discussed it in real life. Piece of advice- just keep all complicated stuff on the side and chill and go with the flow lol


#9

Thanks a lot. I have been a lot confused as to what i identify as.


#10

That’s what I thought. I haven’t experienced anything yet so I may just be curious or something like that. That’s the reason why I am questioning my sexuality.


#11

They’re basically the same thing if you believe gender is a spectrum. Try thinking trans or genderfluid: if you like the idea, you’re pan; if not, you’re bi.


#12

You have time. I’m 24 and I just figured out like, a few months ago I was Pans. Don’t think too hard on it for right now. You still have a life to live to be thinking on your sexuality.


#13

Yeah youre right. iam just overthinking things. i was just scared of the consequences like what if i was bi and what would my family think about it


#14

For now don’t think too hard on it. There’s no reason to atm.