The abyss watchers story its just too fucking epic to not love them
it really is, im not a massive dark souls fan but i love the lore around the game, they have so many cool stories
Also, part of the history of my MC is based on the Artorias lore, that thing of coming back from the abyss being corrupt by it was too awesome
Mmm you do have a missed opportunity for a surprise in there which could have a nice effect.
“…cracking Loth in the forehead with the metal dome of his shield. He followed through, thrusting hard at his abdomen. Reacting quickly, Loth attempted to dodge to the side, getting caught by the blade’s edge. It dug into his abdomen with a burning pain as the blood turned black.”
You expose the movement before the effect.
“…cracking Loth in the forehead with the metal dome of his shield. Reacting quickly to avoid the follow through, Loth attempted to dodge to the side, but got caught by the blade’s edge. It dug into his abdomen with a burning pain as the blood turned black.”
still contains all movements in total, but the strike is hidden and the direction becomes a small surprise which allows for more shock effect, I think? I really like the part where he gets caught by the blade. I felt like I got stuck there too. I think that is actually my favorite part of it.
Another good opportunity is when there’s injuries. I think you can make them seem more alive by connecting them with the cut rather than make it a separate sentence, or by reminding people that it hurts.
Ex: “He fell to the floor at the soldier’s side, overwhelmed by the pain and gasping for his breath.”
We all know exactly how much something hurts when he gasp for breath and feel uncomfortable remembering it.
yeah i find i do that a lot, i’ll definitely look into that when i edit it, thanks a ton!
Ah dread. My dear friend we meet again lol. This is excellent!
Maybe add a comma before the name?
Nice job describing how hopeless the situation is. It was nice, simple and your descriptions were easy to follow.
That’s cool as heck. What kind of defensive magic does he have?
He is a Half-Dragon, so he can cover his body with scales, which are immune to magic, he also can use ice magic to create structures
Thank you, the hopelessness is followed by reinforcements arriving from the mountaintops on a glacier, so it’s good to know that I got the situation set up well enough.
Ah, so it really is a comma. Thank you =)
I’m surprised that you’d say it’s innovative though, but I guess it’s not the standard cutting wind attacks or flight (both of which I’ve banned). What do you usually consider for air magic?
I study Taekwondo now.
Uh, well I write sci-fi, so my thoughts may not belong here, but battles are usually chapter-long and are pretty focused on motion/momentum. Whenever theres a gunfight though, they are usually pretty quick and decisive.
I utilize a lot of hand to hand combat, with describing stances (right foot in front of the left, for punching/boxing) and hip throwing (getting your arm around someone’s shoulder, pivoting your body, and throwing them to the ground) and etc
There is nothing better than kicking people in the face
In my book Breaking Eden there is a lot of fighting but not like epic battles. It’s more like my MC is kidnapped and she’s trying to get out of the situation so she’s fighting everyone and anyone.
sounds quite interesting
(In this chapter, Iris, a mentor to two other MCs and later one other, is facing a terrorist/bounty hunter known as Memphis. Memphis is the father of Aya, one of Iris’ students. He is one of humanity’s greatest enemies and is now working with vympiri, a vampiric race that treats humans as livestock. After completing for his assignment he sets his sights on Kaden, another of Iris’ pupils. After forcing Kaden to lose control of the dark power within him, he begins trying to make him stronger so he can absorb all that lifeforce. Iris arrives and manages to trap Kaden before he could kill Memphis or vice versa. Eventually, the two perform their most powerful transformations and go at it. They have been trying to kill each other for years, ever since Memphis killed his wife.)
Memphis attacked with a combo. Iris blocked the first four attacks and parried the last, throwing her opponent off his guard. The holy knight prepared to attack thinking she had forced an opening but Memphis used his momentum to flip out of harm’s way. Without missing a beat he aimed a powerful kick at Titannia, his leg surrounded by visible dark Mana
Iris wasted no time in warping beside Memphis. The Darkness Tamer spun quick, almost anticipating her movements.
She warped in rapid succession and this time she was behind him and struck with her sword. The sword hit Memphis square in the back. He was a black blur as he flew across the sky, crashing through a few buildings before slamming into a tall one.
“Mar-Gin!” Iris called out. “Get those greenhorns inside that barrier now!”
She then took off after Memphis, but the Darkness Tamer recovered. Memphis had appeared in front of her as she was making her way to him so the two met in the sky.
They forced blows upon one another, breaking bits of armor and shaking the atmosphere.
Iris missed a kick to which Memphis tried to counter. She warped behind him, but he was ready. Iris warped once, twice, three times before being greeted with a heavy backhand which stunned her. He then brought his blade down on her shoulder, sender her hurtling towards the ground before sending a dense beam of dark Mana chasing after her.
He’d thrown her with so much force, she wouldn’t be able to recover before the blast hit her.
The beam slammed into her hard, pushing her even faster down to earth. She plummeted hard into her Grand Stardust Prison.
She got up groggily, shaking off the impact.
“Oh fuck.” she said, noticing the crack.
Yeah, it’s different from what i normally see. I can’t believe someone doesn’t use the cutting wind attack. Omg. That’s like wind magic 101.
So far I’ve used the cutting wind attack lol. That’s a basic skill though. I’ve used a large drill the shreds on a molecular level. Small drills that form around the hand, wind platform, wind arrows and temporarily turning one’s body into wind.
I can probably guess but what made u ban flight and wind slashes?
I like that a lot. I can see all the fun you have with that character. I have half dragon too!
My story didn’t have any magic in it so I relied heavily on dueling but I also added in elements of archery as well as knife fighting. It was particularly difficult to write about because you don’t want to become repetitive in what you are saying.
dueling is always super fun, most of my story’s fights revolve around swordfighting duels, but yeah its easy to repeat yourself
Dragons are way to cool