Is it your first paragraph? The way it starts, it seems to imply that we are in the middle of a story. Now, if you started without a filter, with the:
Two bands of rats fought in the nearby alley. The challengers were dark-gray, the color of the rotting concrete… etc, it would make a great opening imo.
She Kills Elephants and Men
I despise peacocks, I always did. They strut around showing off their tails, the very thing that makes them useless. Birds must soar!
It takes a woman, of course, to understand this fundamental principle. My husband watched the cascade of colors by the garden maze’s entrance with rapt eyes. His mind, never too agile, was growing staler than a three-day old bread with age. “There was a letter you wanted to bring to my attention, chichorino?”